What are the psychological characteristics of adolescent children?

Recently, I saw this Weibo post: The blogger @游志猷 was in a parent group and heard a lot of complaints about adolescent boys. Every time I hear it, I am stunned. Friend A said that recently there was a competition among several high school students to see who was the most deadly: some children dismantled the fire hydrant on the wall, and some stole things from the teacher\’s desk. There were also three boys who not only \”painted the wall with feces\” (literally) in the locker room, but also took a video and prepared to post it online. After hearing this, my friends expressed disbelief. Another friend B said that he also discovered a similar scene in the locker room on the second floor of the swimming pool. And all of this was done by teenage boys. After listening to the discussions among his friends, the blogger couldn\’t help but think of a piece of news he had seen: an adolescent boy swallowed a slug (a mollusk, commonly known as a \”slug\”) alive because of a bet and was infected with parasites. sick. Subsequently, the boy became paralyzed and died of complications within a few years. Friend C even found a study that proved that \”adolescent boys are really seeking death in a literal sense\”: In life, many adolescent children may not be as death-seeking or as heavy-minded as the above-mentioned Weibo. But they tend to become more or less rebellious, impulsive and willful, and often do things that adults consider extremely childish and ridiculous. For example: deliberately talking back, quarreling, and confronting parents, eager to prove that they have grown up; paying special attention to the opinions of their peers, even skipping classes, fighting, and acquiring various bad habits for the sake of so-called \”loyalty\”; being very sensitive to other people\’s evaluations, often Because of overreaction to a trivial matter;…but in fact, our children are not \”the older they get, the less sensible they become.\” It\’s because after entering adolescence, on the one hand, the brain that is undergoing tremendous changes makes children feel anxious; on the other hand, changes in the external environment also cause a lot of pressure on children. At this time, for parents, only by understanding the physiological characteristics and psychological mechanisms of adolescent children can they gradually accept and understand their children. In the end, accompany your child through this stage smoothly. The brain of adolescent children is going through war. The maturation of the human brain is a complex and continuously developing process. As the picture below shows, the development time of various parts of the brain is sequential. For adolescent children, it is precisely because of this imbalance in development that it causes a conflict between \”reason\” and \”emotion\”. At this stage, the number of children\’s neurons will increase rapidly, and the connections between neuron cells will gradually strengthen. As a result, the child\’s cognitive abilities continue to improve. In terms of perceiving emotions and solving problems, an adolescent child is already almost the same as an adult. But on the other hand, a child’s prefrontal cortex is not fully developed. The prefrontal cortex of the human brain accounts for about 29% of the entire cerebral cortex. It is the executive control center of the brain, responsible for planning, decision-making, impulse control, etc., and affects people\’s personality and behavior. However, this area develops the latest and often does not mature until around the age of 25. Therefore, when faced with emergencies, adults are more inclined to be rational, tolerant, and restrained, while adolescent children are often more likely to show \”emotional behavior.\” Still remember Wuhan last yearThat incident where the 14-year-old boy jumped off the building? Because they were playing poker in the classroom, several boys were caught by the teacher and their parents were called. After the mother of one of the boys rushed to the school, she slapped her son in the face without saying a word in the crowded corridor. Then, she strangled her son\’s neck hard for a while, and pointed at him for a while. He kept scolding him. After criticizing her son, the mother walked away. The boy, on the other hand, first stared blankly in the direction his mother left, and then looked at the teachers and classmates around him. Finally, he climbed onto the railing. Jumped down from the window on the fifth floor. After the incident, a high praise comment read: \”Adults have lived a long life, and they have lived a mellow life. They know how to tolerate it for a while and live in peace. Children are not the same. In the world of children, when you hate it, you just need to live a breath. This breath \”What you gave me, I will give back to you.\” It is true that if an adult is criticized in public by the leader for making mistakes at work. What would he do? In most cases, he may suppress his grievance and shame, laugh at himself, and then quickly break away from the emotion and do whatever he needs to do. But for a 14 or 15-year-old child, it will be a completely different situation. Since his prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed, he may not have been able to resist the urge to jump in his head. Therefore, when facing an adolescent child, please do not easily accuse him of being willful, impulsive, and emotional. All this is because his brain is developing. Hormonal changes make children pay special attention to the opinions of others. A survey once pointed out that nearly half of the mortality among adolescents in the United States is caused by various risky behaviors, such as drinking, drug taking, dangerous driving and violent conflicts. In fact, the reason why adolescent children are keen on all kinds of adventures is often influenced by their peers. I once saw an interview with a teenager. One of the children confessed that he was not an adventurous person, but in order to \”fit in\” he drank all the ketchup. He said: \”If I were alone, I would never do it, because it is unnecessary, and I don\’t even like ketchup.\” Professor Blakemore, who specializes in adolescent issues, mentioned an experiment in his speech: If a group of subjects were The subjects were brought to the laboratory and asked to play a video game that simulated driving and required them to reach the finish line as quickly as possible. The results show that during driving, subjects of different age groups violated traffic rules almost the same number of times. But once the subject\’s friends stood behind him and watched, the number of dangerous driving increased significantly among the teenagers. And this factor has almost no impact on adults or children. In fact, this is all due to hormones. Due to the secretion of adolescent hormones, self-awareness will gradually increase in early adolescence, reach a peak around the age of 15, and then decline. At the same time, as self-awareness grows, the social-emotional network system will also be awakened. To put it simply, teenagers think that they are the center of attention from others. For this reason, they attach great importance to their image in the eyes of others. In order to maintain their \”cool\” image and to impress their peers, many teenagers would rather be trapped inEven in dangerous situations, you have to cater to the thoughts of those around you. Some time ago, I saw a piece of news: A girl in the second grade of junior high school decided to lose weight after being ridiculed by her classmates because of her figure. The way to lose weight is to diet and induce vomiting. However, due to frequent vomiting, the girl\’s esophagus was severely damaged, and she also began to lose hair and have irregular menstruation. In the end, he was diagnosed with an eating disorder by a doctor and had to drop out of school and go home. Facts have proven that what many adults think is no big deal may be the straw that breaks the camel\’s back in the eyes of children. At this time, even if you cannot sympathize with the child\’s helplessness and collapse. Parents should at least be respectful and understanding. Adolescence is the last chance for parents. A friend once told me that I didn’t know how to get along with my adolescent son. I remember that my son was always very sensible when he was a child. Every day when I go home and have dinner, I know how to take out my homework and write it myself. When I was in third grade, I had already learned a lot of dishes. Once, my son got into trouble. Before his friend could say anything, his son stretched out his little hand and said with tears, \”Dad, please hit me. I promise I won\’t do it again next time.\” For this reason, both myself and my wife felt very relieved. For many years, the two of them have been busy with their careers and rarely worried about their children. Unexpectedly, such a well-behaved and self-conscious child suddenly seemed to have changed since he entered adolescence. Reason with him, but he will turn a deaf ear; beat him or scold him, and he will stare at you viciously, turn his head and run away from home. What is even more devastating is that my son is tired of studying and has said more than once that he wants to drop out of school and become a game anchor. At this point, my friend sighed: \”Tell me, why is this child getting more and more circling (becoming worse than before)?\” After listening to my friend\’s complaints, I remembered a word in psychology: regression. This is a psychological defense mechanism. It refers to a person\’s mental state that will return to an earlier stage of development when faced with anxiety, frustration or other stress states. Abandoning learned, relatively mature ways of coping in favor of a more primitive or childish way of dealing with problems. Regression may not solve the problem itself. But it gives adolescent children a psychological buffer zone to face the anxiety and pressure in reality. According to the psychologist Jung, regression is often in order to obtain something more important, such as security, or love and acceptance. Therefore, when a 14- or 15-year-old child turns into a 4- or 5-year-old child, adolescence becomes the child\’s last chance for his parents. What parents need to do is not to accuse or belittle. Instead, give him full love and respect and continue the education that was missing in his early years. At this time, what parents do determines whether adolescence is a \”dangerous period\” or a \”golden period of repair\”: making use of the child\’s psychological characteristics and learning to \”save the country through curves\”. Due to changes in the brain and hormones, adolescent children often have two characteristics: 1. The prefrontal cortex is not fully developed and is prone to impulsivity. The second is that they have strong self-awareness and value the opinions of their peers. For them, they regard the words of their peers as \”gold\” and the words of their teachers and parents as \”trash.\” After understanding this, what parents should doNot head-on. Instead, pay more attention to your child’s circle of friends, create opportunities for your child to get in touch with higher-quality friends, and stay away from low-quality circles. Reserve a \”transitional space\” for children. \”Transitional space\” is a concept proposed by psychologist Winnicott. It refers to creating an imaginary space to comfort oneself and gain the courage and strength to solve real problems. For children, most of their previous hobbies and interests will not change even after they reach adolescence. And these are the transitional spaces for children. When a child draws, plays football, or plays Lego, he can enter a transitional space to relieve his inner anxiety and tension. Therefore, after children enter junior high school, parents must not prohibit their children from doing these things for the sake of academic performance. Be aware that transitional spaces often help children gain mental strength to combat life\’s setbacks. View adolescence as an opportunity to grow up with your children. Many parents complain that their children usually don\’t say anything, resulting in a lack of understanding of their children. In fact, it is not that the children are unwilling to speak, but because the parents did not listen carefully before. The regression phenomenon that occurs in adolescence just gives parents an opportunity to re-understand their children, helps them adjust their education model, and explore a more harmonious parent-child relationship with their children. There is a classic line in the CCTV family education documentary \”Mirror\”: \”Every child is born with a blank sheet of paper, and the parents are the ones who paint the picture. The key to what the blank sheet of paper becomes depends on the parents.\” There is no one born without love. The child\’s parents. However, some parents misunderstand their children because they do not understand their children\’s physiological characteristics and psychological mechanisms, and they turn love into harm. In fact, understanding children is not an easy task. The key is for parents to keep learning and adjust their thinking patterns. Only in this way can parents truly look at problems from their children\’s perspective, understand their children\’s thoughts, and keep up with their children\’s growth.