What determines a child\’s life is not scores or efforts, but…

Yesterday I had dinner with a friend and talked about his neighbor: The atmosphere in the neighbor\’s house has been very bad recently, and the couple quarreled every day. The reason is that their daughter recently chose to commit suicide by cutting her wrists due to too much homework and too much pressure. Although she was rescued, her body is still very weak, so the couple blames each other and quarrels endlessly every day. Their daughter Xiaoli is twelve years old and attends a key primary school. She is a very well-behaved child and her grades have always been good. But since she entered sixth grade, her child has had more and more homework. Xiaoli has to do her homework until eleven o\’clock every night, and sometimes has to get up early the next day to make up for her homework. The child feels physically and mentally exhausted every day. Xiaoli\’s mother said that her daughter gets up on time at 6:30 every morning. But that day, she made breakfast and waited for the child to get up, but there was no movement. At first, she thought that the child was too sleepy from doing homework the night before, so she did not disturb the child. After a long time, the child still didn\’t get up. She knocked on the door hard, but there was no response from inside. She was scared and quickly broke in. When she opened her daughter\’s quilt, there was blood all over the bed. It turned out that her daughter had cut her wrists. The scene before her caught her off guard. \”Mom, I\’m so tired! As soon as I opened my eyes, I thought that there was still a lot of homework to finish. Every teacher would leave a lot of homework in Chinese, mathematics, and English. No matter how hard I worked, I couldn\’t finish the homework. I really want to sleep quietly for a while, but I can’t finish my homework, and it will accumulate tomorrow, and it will only become more and more. I also want to be like other children, running happily in the sun! I am tired, and I want to stay forever Close your eyes and sleep forever. I\’m sorry, Mom and Dad, I\’m leaving…\” This is Xiaoli\’s suicide note left to her parents. In addition to the fact that the school assigns too much homework, I think the reason for Xiaoli\’s tragedy is also the child\’s own weak willpower and poor ability to withstand blows. In recent years, there have been countless tragedies like Xiaoli\’s. On the morning of June 7 this year, a high school repeater from a high-level hardware store in Dachengzi Town, Kazuo County, Chaoyang City, Liaoning Province jumped to his death. Medical staff arrived at the scene and confirmed that he was dead. The cause of death was excessive exam pressure. In the past few years, there were reports of frequent incidents of students returning to college failing the college entrance examination and committing suicide. What happened to our children? Faced with this situation, the importance of cultivating children\’s willpower urgently needs to be paid attention to by parents. When facing adversity, rising to the challenge is the proper attitude. In the long road of life, there are always setbacks and difficulties ahead. If a child does not have a strong enough willpower, he will not be able to overcome many obstacles. The famous host Le Jia set a good example. He took his 4-year-old daughter Ling\’er and walked 76 kilometers in 4 days across the desert, averaging nearly 20 kilometers a day. I believe this experience will be a valuable asset for your children. There is a best-selling book called \”Perseverance\”, which explains a truth: the quality of perseverance plays a key role in success. Talent*effort=skill, skill*effort=achievement. How much a person can achieve depends on only two things: talent and effort, but the effort factor needs to be calculated twice. The author uses countless cases and data, including successful business elites, artists, educators, athletes and other celebrities, to show that grit can better predict a person\’s future performance than talent. When encountering setbacks and lossesBeing able to persevere toward your goals even when you fail is what determines long-term success. Yes, life is a marathon, and only those with strong willpower can persevere to the finish line. If parents can pay attention to cultivating their children, their children will benefit from it throughout their lives and will be able to achieve success in the future. How should parents cultivate perseverance in their children? Current COO of Facebook: Sandberg’s experience is very instructive to us: Her husband died in an accident in 2015, leaving her with a 7-year-old daughter and a 10-year-old son. The dilemma she faced was how to help her two children through their pain. Her approach is proactive and effective. First, let children understand that they are important. Everyone is concerned about their place in the world and their sense of self-worth. If my existence is meaningless and no one cares about me, I will feel lonely and even give up on myself or take extreme actions. As a parent, you should pay attention to your child\’s behavior and affirm your child\’s value. You know, a small thing can ruin a child. The child of one of Sandberg\’s friends spent two days at school building a robot and was very proud of it. When I went back on the third day, I found that the robot had been destroyed by several children, and those children were specifically targeting him and specifically told him: We destroyed your robot because you are worthless! From then on, the child became anxious and depressed, and never interacted with others. This is when parents need to intervene. Suddenly I thought of the movie \”Forrest Gump\”. As a child, Forrest Gump was often bullied because of his low IQ. His mother always affirmed his value, believed that he was the same as everyone else, and asked him to strive for self-improvement. As a result, Forrest Gump lived up to his mother\’s expectations. He was admitted to college and became a football star. He was received by the president and received the Medal of Honor for his meritorious service in the Vietnam War. Every child is a thousand-mile horse and needs to be recognized by parents. Second, companionship. Even if you don\’t know how to solve the problem, you can at least spend more time with your child. Go for a walk, listen to him talk, and let him know that you care. In today\’s society, parents spend less and less time with their children every day, especially fathers. Survey research shows that up to 77% of Chinese fathers spend less than an hour with their children every day, and only 9% of children have their fathers accompany them for more than three hours. Do you know what it’s like for a child to go to kindergarten for the first time? When was the first time you got a high score on a test? Do you still remember the homework book you used to write an essay for the first time? Children need the company of their parents. He remembers all the scenes when you took him to the playground and the park. Third, openly discuss historical memory with your children. Parents may wish to tell their children about their family history. Where did their grandparents, parents, and grandparents grow up? How did you struggle? How difficult those early years were. By telling these family histories, parents can help their children establish a sense of identity and have a broader view of things. When faced with setbacks, they will feel that the difficulties in front of them are not worth mentioning compared with the family\’s difficulties. In addition, parents should guide their children to speak as equals and talk about their own views on family history, which will help cultivate self-esteem. IBefore, I didn’t quite understand why my father always took the trouble to tell the painful family history, but now I understand my father’s good intentions. A friend of mine has a very rich family, but his son is very thrifty, does not wear designer shoes, and has a mobile phone that lasts at least two years. He is very different from the playboy. The reason is that my friend’s education was very good. He told his son that when his father was poor, he could only eat two steamed buns a day, wash toilets, and work as a coolie on construction sites. The child understands his father\’s difficulty and cannot bear to waste every penny. Finally, I would like to end with Nietzsche’s words, hoping that parents can raise strong-willed children: What doesn’t kill me will only make me stronger.