I have to admit that negative events exposed in the media this year seem to be more frequent than in previous years. Especially topics related to children and teenagers are filled with keywords such as bullying, depression, violence, and suicide. While everyone is shocked, many questions and debates will also arise, such as: Is it the society and family\’s neglect of children\’s mental health that makes them more anxious and vulnerable? Or is it that the resources provided by society and family are too abundant, which leads to children becoming arrogant or weak-willed? Nowadays, many education and training for children, in addition to emphasizing IQ, also introduce emotional intelligence and even financial intelligence. Recently, a new term seems to have been introduced, called \”reverse business\”. Although the word seems a bit cobbled together, the core idea behind it is actually a topic that psychology has been studying: resilience. The English word for this word is: Resilience. From a personal perspective, I think the best translation of this word is: “resilience.” Many media and books translate it as resilience – making it more understandable. So its definition is: a person\’s outstanding coping ability and self-healing ability in the face of social, family, physical or environmental events that cause one\’s own psychological stress, and their possible adverse consequences. You may find that building resilience starts from childhood. You may find that even in the face of the most trivial so-called \”stressful events\”, such as cutting your finger, forgetting to cook, family members not responding to your text messages, being misunderstood, etc. My wallet fell off… Everyone\’s perception is different. Interestingly, when these people are given the opportunity to have a conversation with each other, they often fail to understand why the other person has such an emotional response to something—or why someone has no reaction to such an event. The reason for this difference is that the \”cognitive abilities\” developed by each person are very different. Cognitive ability is the ability to perceive, think, plan and respond to the surrounding world that everyone develops from infancy under the care of their original family, especially their parents. \”Attachment theory\” is familiar to everyone. According to the theory of developmental psychologist John Bowlby, babies will rely on their relatives (especially their parents) as soon as they are born to protect themselves from harm and develop the ability to explore the world. Ability. According to attachment theory, two psychologists, Hassan and Schaeffer, believe that the way we interact with others as adults is an extension of the interaction we had with our parents as infants. Then, from the word \”interaction\” we can analyze how parents respond to the baby when the baby encounters a stressful event, and the baby gradually learns how to understand and deal with this stressful event. After reading the following two examples, maybe everyone will have a clearer understanding: Scene 1: The baby spilled soup on the mobile phone. The family was a little panicked, but the focus was on clearing the table, checking if the phone was damaged, and getting the baby into new clothes. But no one cares whether the baby is frightened in the process. Once all the things are done, the matter is over. What did the baby feel during this incident? He may think: In fact, \”external\” events are the most importantThings you need, such as mobile phones and clothes. And your own feelings don\’t actually matter – because no one cares. Scenario 2: The child wants to stay at a classmate’s house for one night. The parents asked him why he wanted to stay overnight? The child said: Because he is my good friend, I want to be with him every day. At this time, the parent said: It is really rare to have such a friendship. So do you know the other person’s family situation? For example, are there any elderly or sick people at home? If you ask your father to pick you up the next day, does he already have other arrangements? How about we invite your friends out and go to the amusement park together this weekend? Do you think that would work? In this example, the child\’s needs are identified first. Then the parents gave their own analysis, and the children also learned empathy and learned that flexible solutions can be used to meet the same needs. Models and Techniques for Building Resilience Now that we know that good attachment relationships are one of the foundations of building resilience, are there other conditions that need to be met? Burns, a professor at Santa Clara University, and her students constructed a “resilience triangle model.” They noted that in addition to secure attachments taking a corner, attention also needs to be paid to \”executive function training\” and \”stress management techniques.\” \”Executive function training\” and \”executive function training\” refer to cultivating children\’s ability to interpret information, concentrate, face difficulties, and change thinking patterns in a timely manner. For example, when a child faces difficulties and setbacks, how to help him interpret the difficulty? Can he understand what he is good at from this difficulty, or find other ways to break through? \”Stress management skills\” and \”stress management skills\” are more inclined to help you perceive and understand your emotions. For example, are you feeling depressed, angry, anxious, or panicked at the moment? Then, parents can help their children complete some stress management training together. Examples include self-expression, breathing exercises, and even mindful meditation. In this short article, we cannot list every specific technique. However, as parents are their children\’s first life mentors, every word they say often subtly and profoundly affects their children\’s perception of the world. Here are 8 sentences that you may often use in parenting to help you cultivate your children\’s resilience from parent-child interactions: 1. \”Don\’t worry, let\’s take a break first.\” – Let the children understand that things don\’t change. You need to rush for success, you can pause, you can wait, you can rest. 2. \”Have you told anyone about this? Do you want to talk to dad/mom?\” – Let the child know that someone is willing to listen and help him. 3. \”Oops, it seems to be a little troublesome, but we can definitely overcome it!\” – Let the children know that there is hope anytime and anywhere. 4. \”What can we do to compensate? So that we won\’t make the same mistake next time.\” – Let children understand that a sense of responsibility is actually a kind of protection for themselves. 5. \”Wait, don\’t worry, observe first and then speak.\” – Let the children not rush to judge, observe first, then understand, and then act. 6. \”Although this matter was not done well, it will not affect our plans for today/tomorrow!\” – Let the children understand that anyEven if things don\’t go well, it doesn\’t mean the end of the world. 7. \”You are right, but we have to consider another point…\” – Let children know how to think from others\’ perspective and be flexible. 8. \”So what should you (we) do next?\” – Let your children know that only action can solve problems. Therefore, when events in life trigger a child\’s negative emotions or negative behaviors, it may not be that he is just \”willful\”, but may simply be due to a lack of \”resilience.\”
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