What else can we do in the face of sexual assault?

This was a sexual assault case that occurred 10 years ago and caused a sensation across the country. After 10 years, it made headlines again. The truth of this case has not yet been determined. But some people say that if the story is true, this is the Chinese version of \”The Crucible\”, in which a whole family sexually assaults a young girl. It is very dark, and parents are worse than animals; some people say that if the story is false, this is the Chinese version of \”The Hunt\”, The little girl successfully framed the whole family, and all family ties were lost. On New Year\’s Day 2018, Xiaofan, a girl from the second high school in Xingyang, Henan, committed suicide by slitting her wrists. The trigger for her suicide was not only the fear of being sexually assaulted by her class teacher for several months, but also \”the fear of facing the guilt of her parents, the rapid decline of her grades and being blamed by her mother.\” What makes Xiaofan close her heart and refuse to rely on or trust her mother? She would rather seek help from her sister who is not much more mature than herself, or even choose to die, rather than tell her mother the truth about the sexual assault? Is it because Xiaofan\’s mother is indifferent and indifferent to her? it\’s not true. Xiaofan\’s mother was able to communicate with her daughter immediately after learning that her daughter\’s grades had dropped, which shows that this mother does not care about her daughter. But such a caring mother did not even know that her daughter had been abused by others for several months. Our society is permeated by a culture of sexual shame and victim-blaming. Writer Cai Yiwen said: Any sexual violence is social and is not done by the perpetrator alone, but by the entire society. We often try our best to teach our children all the skills and knowledge to teach them to be well-behaved and obedient, but we are afraid of sex education. We always feel that it is filthy and dirty. We should let them know that the world is perfect and there is no ugly or evil. Therefore, under our wishful thinking to show our children that the world is a beautiful education, our children are like weak lambs walking on a land full of wolves. We are our children\’s safe haven, but when they are violated and hurt, they dare not tell us. Because they think: sex is shameful. Because they are afraid: Mom and Dad will scold them because of their own indiscretion. Taiwanese writer Lin Yihan said in the novel \”Fang Siqi\’s First Love Paradise\” based on his personal experience: After Siqi was sexually assaulted, she wanted to ask her mother for help, and said to her: \”There is a classmate at school who is with the teacher. .\” Her mother replied: \”You are so coquettish at such a young age.\” Siqi gave up asking for help from outside because she felt dirty. \”I Feel Dirty\” – This is the experience shared by a netizen on Tianya: When she was 12 years old, she was raped by her stepfather. She did not dare to tell her mother or anyone. Because her stepfather threatened to kill her and her mother if she dared to speak out. The biggest shadow this incident left on her was that she felt dirty. I showered for several hours every day, and I wanted to rub my skin to pieces. She is very good-looking and has many people chasing her, but she dares not date anyone because she feels she is not worthy. In the movie \”The Unspeakable Summer\” (adapted from a real case), after Bai Bai was sexually assaulted by his teacher, he committed suicide unconsciously in his dream and felt dirty in front of the boy he liked. Everyone asked her: If she was sexually assaulted, why didn\’t you tell her? Why do not you say it? Why do not you say it? Lian MuEveryone called her a bitch. There are countless victims who feel that being sexually assaulted is their fault and that they are \”dirty\”. This is the sexual shame instilled in them by society and their families. Sexual shame is pervasive because of the lack of sex education, but this society\’s culture of blaming victims has led to an increase in sexual assault cases. From 2013 to 2015, a total of 968 child sexual abuse cases were exposed by the media in China, involving more than 1,790 child victims. In 2016, 433 child sexual abuse cases were publicly reported, with at least 778 children being victimized. For all sexual assault cases, especially those against primary and secondary school students, the undercover ratio is 1:7, which means that from 2013 to 2016, at least 18,000 children were sexually assaulted. Among the 778 victims in 2016, the youngest was less than 2 years old. Among them, there are 125 people under 7 years old, accounting for 16.07%; 143 people between 7 (inclusive) and 12 years old, accounting for 18.38%; 449 people between 12 (inclusive) and 14 years old, accounting for 57.71%; and another 61 people did not mention their specific age. Data from the Supreme People\’s Court show that from 2013 to 2016, courts across the country concluded a total of 10,782 cases of child molestation. (The definition of child molestation refers to obscene acts committed against children by means other than sexual intercourse). What we know is only the tip of the iceberg. It is difficult to estimate how many children who have been sexually abused are hidden. The devil will never stop his claws just because of our kindness and ignorance. Many times, they take advantage of our ignorance to do evil without restraint. We have many misunderstandings about children\’s sex education: 1. Parents can touch their children\’s private parts at will. We often teach children: Don\’t let people other than parents touch their private parts. But the misunderstanding this sentence brings to children is that parents can touch the private parts of their bodies at will. And countless cases tell us that not every parent is qualified. There are fathers who rape their daughters, and there are mothers who seduce their sons. 2. Sexual safety education will cause negative impacts. We often think that the negative information in sexual safety education will hurt the young minds of children, make them fearful and fearful, and make them distrustful of society, so we want to wait until the children are older. , they will understand themselves. But evil is always lurking in the shadows like a crouching lion, ready to attack our children. There are many netizens on Zhihu who were sexually assaulted when they were ignorant. They did not fully understand until they grew up, but it was too late. The unpleasant experience and pain of being sexually assaulted in childhood still exists. 3. Children can protect themselves from sexual abuse. We should never expect underage children to be able to completely protect themselves from abuse when faced with abuse. Don’t think that because you have taught your children to protect themselves, they will actually be able to do it when they encounter danger. The responsibility to keep our children safe lies with us, not the children themselves. What we need to do more is these: 1. Unconditional love and acceptance can satisfy their sense of security. A child who does not lack a sense of security will immediately want to go back when he is wronged or hurt.into the arms of parents. Tell them: No matter what kind of hurt you get, you must tell your parents that this is not shameful, nor does it mean that you are bad, nor does it mean that you are not worthy of being loved. Xiaofan, a high school girl, did not dare to tell her mother immediately because she was afraid that her mother would blame her. This was a lack of security. At any time, you must let your children know that it is not their fault, it is someone else\’s fault, and your beauty and excellence will always be there. All children have inherent fears when facing the outside world, but they can only be healed in our love. 2. Parents are responsible for providing sex education to their children. Same-sex parents should discuss basic knowledge about sex and sexual organs with their children, guide their children to recognize gender roles, establish a sense of self-protection, properly understand the differences between men and women, learn to respect each other\’s bodies, and gain fulfillment. sense of security and stability. Parents of the opposite sex are role models for their children in learning to get along with the opposite sex, and they play a role that cannot be underestimated in their children\’s growth. When the child becomes sensible, parents of the opposite sex must pay attention to propriety when getting along with their children and avoid being overly intimate, so as not to cause the child to develop an unhealthy personality. 3. Rely on behavior to identify bad people, be alert to 5 alarms. More than 70% of sexual assault cases occur between acquaintances. The perpetrators can come from relatives, friends, teachers, neighbors… Children cannot distinguish \”wolves in sheep\’s clothing\” from their appearance. \”You must tell your children in detail that whether a person is good or bad depends not on appearance, but on behavior. When the following alarms sound, you must refuse and run away: A. If someone wants to look at your private parts, Or if you are asked to look at his or her private parts, you must refuse because this is a \”visual alert.\” B. If someone talks about your private parts, you must refuse because this is a \”verbal alert.\” C. If someone touches your private parts, or asks you to touch his private parts, you must refuse because this is a \”touch alarm\”. D. Being alone with strangers is called \”aloneness alarm\”. It is extremely easy to be in danger at this time. Try to find opportunities to go to crowded places. E. If someone hugs or kisses you, it is called a \”hug alarm\”. At this time, you can cry, make trouble, shout, lose your temper, smash things, and try your best to escape. You must let your child understand that as long as someone does any of these five behaviors towards him, he can judge that \”that person\” is a bad person, and he must bravely reject his behavior! 4. Who can be trusted? ① Mom and Dad further clarify the boundaries of the body: Mom and dad can only touch the child\’s private parts if they have to bathe them or if the child\’s private parts are injured. ②Caregiver list In the caregiver list, grandparents, grandparents, or other people who help take care of the child are also allowed to approach the child and touch the child\’s body under limited conditions. It should be noted that if a child is reluctant to write someone\’s name, we must pay attention and find out the reason, and update and confirm the list with the child every once in a while. ③Love list: Make a love list. The people on this list are the people that the child loves and trusts and can get close to. In this way, children can enjoy the care and love of relatives, elders, and friends safely and securely. rightFor children, growing up safely is more important than success. This world will not always be sunny, there will also be times of darkness and gloom. We cannot protect our children from wind and rain all their lives, nor can we predict the future. The only thing we can do is to help our children develop the wings to fly high and the wisdom to avoid danger, so that they can live a safe and smooth life and grow up happily.