What exactly is teaching by words and deeds? The truth turns out to be not simple

Recently, I have to look at little Lisa with admiration. Ningning wanted to eat candy, but I refused to give it to her. She hugged my thigh and begged, shouting \”Tangtang, Tangtang\” loudly. Suddenly, Lisa, who was sitting in the middle of the living room, said a high-level word in a milky voice but very clearly: \”Tangtang\”. Ning Ning was playing with the kinetic sand, shoveling from left to right with a small shovel. After playing for a while, she walked away. Lisa hurriedly climbed over, picked up the shovel, and did it exactly like a video recorder. Shovel from left to right. Even when she goes to ride a small rocking horse, she has to imitate her sister and stretch out her little finger to sign \”Yeah~\” Every time I see this kind of thing, I can\’t help but sigh: Lisa, are you too anxious to study? Does the burden need to be so heavy? You are only 11 months old! Human babies are really magical creatures. They look like a bag of small potatoes sitting there, dazed, but unconsciously, like a black hole, crazily absorbing everything around them. When Xiaopai and Ningning were young, I didn\’t pay much attention to the children\’s amazing imitation ability. I have read a lot of books and experiments over the years. Now when I compare it with Lisa, I really feel the wonder of imitation. and power. How do children learn? Our first reaction is probably that the children are sitting neatly and the teacher is giving a serious lecture on the stage. We feel that only in this way can it be considered learning. But in fact, we have all ignored the most important way of learning that runs throughout a child\’s entire childhood – imitation. Children naturally imitate everything they encounter around them, which means they are learning all the time. Moreover, children\’s imitation is very advanced. We always think that children\’s imitation is passive, like a camera, imitating everything, but this is not true. Imitation is a very active choice of children. Researchers once conducted an experiment to turn on a light. They tied their hands, then walked to the light switch and bumped their heads against the switch. They asked an 18-month-old child to observe this series of actions, and then asked him to turn on the light. Unexpectedly, a magical scene appeared: the child did not bang his head, but turned on the light with his hands. The child was able to understand that the researcher hit his head because he couldn\’t move his hands! In another experiment, the researchers\’ hands were free, but they still deliberately used their hands not to knock the switch open with their heads. As a result, the child does not use his hands to imitate at this time, but also uses his head! Because when a child sees you using your hands, he will guess that maybe there is some special meaning to using your head. You never thought that a child’s little brain could be capable of such complex reasoning! Children can clearly understand which actions are redundant and which are useful. He will only be happy to imitate those things that interest him and feel meaningful. Although children\’s imitation is the result of active choice, there is one key point, and that is – the object of children\’s imitation must be a person. Otherwise, the effect will be greatly reduced. Dr. Kuhl of the Institute of Learning and Brain Sciences at the University of Washington conducted an experiment in which he read foreign language books to 9-month-old babies. One group of babies had real people reading to them, and the other group of babies watched the sameVideo tapes of people. As a result, the group of babies who listened to real people reading books learned some of the sounds of the foreign language, but the group who watched the video tapes did not. Children before the age of 2 understand the world through their five senses. No matter how realistic the flowers on the screen are, they are not as good as a real wild flower that can be seen, smelled, and touched; no matter how vivid the water on the screen is, it is not as good as letting the children listen to the sound of gurgling water and put their feet in the water themselves. Feel the movement of the water. Therefore, in 2009, Disney also issued an announcement stating that all users who purchased the \”Baby Einstein\” video tape in the past five years would be refunded the original price. Because this program is marketed as \”developing the potential of infants and young children and improving their intelligence\”, but there is no evidence or experiment to show that it is really effective. There is another very special thing about children\’s imitation – the better the relationship between your child and you, the more willing he is to imitate you. So what makes a good relationship? Developmental psychologist Ainsworth conducted the famous \”Stranger Situation\” experiment in 1978 and divided the mother-infant attachment relationship into four types: secure, avoidant, ambivalent and chaotic. I deliberately found an experimental video from that year, but it doesn’t have Chinese subtitles. If you are interested, you can click on it to have a look. In the experiment, the mother took her child into a strange room, left briefly for 2 minutes, and then came back to see the child\’s reaction after being reunited. Safe type: The mother will cry when she leaves, but when she comes back, the mother can effectively comfort the child. After the child\’s mood stabilizes, he becomes interested in exploring the surrounding environment again. Avoidant type: The mother showed no signs of sadness after she left, and was very cold towards her when she came back. But in fact, every time the mother leaves and comes back, the child has strong emotional changes. The child in the video is scratching his head to express frustration, but he suppresses his emotions. Conflicting type: reluctant to let his mother leave, crying uncontrollably, unable to comfort her even if she comes back, and even kicking and beating her angrily. Chaotic style: The child\’s behavior is unpredictable, sometimes calm and sometimes angry. It is generally believed that such children are actually the most insecure children. (This kind of child is not shown in the video.) Facing their mother, these children\’s imitation forms, reactions, and acceptance levels are completely different. The experimenter showed a four-year-old child something he had never seen before, such as a floppy disk. The mother told the child that this thing is called \”memory\”, and a stranger said that this thing is called \”floppy disk\”. A secure child trusts his mother and chooses to listen to her. But in another test, there was a toy that looked like both a bird and a fish, but more like a bird overall. So do you think this thing is a bird or a fish? The mother said it was a fish, and the stranger said it was a bird. At this time, the secure child made a completely different choice – to listen to the stranger. A secure child is a healthy, independent individual who is able to make his own judgments rationally without being influenced by his mother. For an avoidant child, there is actually no difference between his mother and a stranger, so the chance of choosing whom he will choose is 50-50. (The chaotic type is equally unpredictable) As for the ambivalent type of children, they will believe their mother in both experiments.No matter how the world changes, everything mom says is right… When a child is unwilling to obey, we really have to ask and reflect on ourselves, what kind of relationship do we have with him, and what kind of person am I? If you don\’t like studying, no matter how hard you work with your child to do homework and teach him to read, it\’s hard to blame your child for not being enthusiastic about learning. If you have been alienated from your children since childhood and start to have various problems when the children reach adolescence, it is not surprising why the parents beat and scold them, but it has no effect at all. Listing so many experiments is just a reinterpretation of the old saying from a scientific perspective – \”Teaching by example is more important than speaking.\” After reading so much information, to be honest, my first reaction was to feel chills running down my spine and trembling with fear. Being a parent is such a journey on thin ice. Because your child is observing you and imitating you at all times. He will see any shortcomings and problems you have. However, when I thought about it carefully, I felt relieved again. That also means that occasional small mistakes and trivial details will not harm the child. What matters is what kind of person I am and what kind of relationship I have with my children. As long as I work hard to be myself, even if I am in a rapid, my child can stay with me, stay in the middle of the river, and move forward steadily.