What happened to the child who lacked love?

My high school classmate Mengmeng looks like a confident and cheerful girl. Later, we became roommates, and one weekend when I was going back to school for self-study, I accidentally discovered that she loved biting her nails. For weeks to come, she would bite on the night of back-to-school. Seeing her biting her nails until they bled, I asked her out of curiosity: \”Doesn\’t it hurt?\” She looked at me and said with a heavy face: \”I\’m used to it.\” At that time, her face looked depressed and cold. The look in his eyes made me frightened. As time went on and our friendship grew, she would reveal a little bit about her family from time to time. She is the second child in the family, and her successful birth was entirely accidental because the fortune teller said she was a boy. At that time, her mother had high hopes for her, and her father could use her to make a new start in front of relatives. The higher the expectations, the greater the disappointment. In her second year of high school, she was divided into arts and science classes. She wanted to switch to liberal arts, but her father disagreed and had a big fight with her. That night when I returned to school, I saw her eyes were red and swollen, and she asked me to go to the playground to accompany her during evening self-study. Crying and telling me: \”No one understands me, especially my parents. They have no idea how I feel. They have no understanding or love for me at all, only regrets and scolding.\” There is a question on Zhihu. What is it like to be an abandoned and neglected child? Someone answered: I feel that I am not the \”most important person\” to anyone in this world. If you don’t like to shed tears, you may feel the urge to shed tears at any time. If you don’t have it, you are willing to live like a pool of stagnant water. Children are no different. They have life, need sunshine, and even more need rain and dew! Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: If you are lucky enough to have a good mother or a good caregiver, and your feelings are constantly touched and confirmed, you will form a rich and agile self. If you lack this luck, you will have to work hard to achieve this goal. But unfortunately, not all children who lack love can succeed in their progress. \”There was once a sincere love in front of me, but I didn\’t cherish it. I regretted it when I lost it. The most painful thing in the world is this.\” This classic line made the general public remember Stephen Chow. . Young people don\’t understand Stephen Chow, but after reading it, they shed tears while laughing. This kind of happiness is as hot as a slap in the face. Most of the celebrities on the screen are exaggerated and funny, and they act cute and mean without any standards. In reality, he has a net worth of over 100 million, but his life is always filled with \”grey\” tones and a sense of loneliness. When he was a child, Mr. Xing\’s family was not well-off. His parents often had quarrels over trivial matters such as food and rice, and they could not bear the financial pressure. His father resolutely chose to divorce, and his mother shouldered the burden of the family alone, often having to work three jobs by herself. Because of her mother\’s work, she doesn\’t often accompany her, so Mr. Xing has his own way of entertainment – watching the scenery alone by the window. One time, his mother had the opportunity to take him to the street. If he were a kid from other families, he would have been so happy. But he shook his head. Maybe he was used to it. He stayed by the window and watched the street scene. For two hours. Someone said: \”The urban characters portrayed by Mr. Xing are always penetrating and admirable. This probably comes from observing them day after day as a child.\” From a poor and distressed child raised by a single mother,To a frustrated supporting character who was accused of \”looking like a dog\” after playing a small role. It was through surviving that inch after inch of loneliness that he finally became the star who can make all the difference. Stephen Chow\’s \”Mermaid\” has a box office of over 3 billion. In the movie, there is a scene in which Deng Chao plays a young rich man who suddenly bursts into tears while eating cheap roast chicken at a roadside roast chicken stall. In fact, this \”chicken leg\” is related to Stephen Chow\’s childhood. When he was a child, Mr. Xing’s mother had not received a salary for two months and finally managed to get some money from her parents’ family. When he bought some chicken legs and went home, he accidentally slipped and dropped the chicken legs on the ground, covered with dirt. His mother was very angry and couldn\’t bear to throw them away, so she took the chicken legs, washed them with water and ate them herself. Later, when the incident was mentioned in an interview, he rarely expressed his true feelings: \”If I hadn\’t dropped the chicken legs on the ground, would you have been willing to eat them?\” His mother burst into tears. As a rare comedy genius, he loves his mother very much and understands her hardships, but he doesn\’t know how to express himself and can\’t get close to others, so he can only use this roundabout way to honor his mother. If a child lacks love when he is a child, he will sooner or later get it back when he grows up. Even though he is as bright as a star, after growing up through the darkness of childhood, he still cannot erase the loneliness in his bones. Loneliness, how lonely it is. In \”Youth\”, some people were moved by Liu Feng\’s kindness, while others lamented He Xiaoping\’s hardship. He Xiaoping was young and needed the care of her parents, but her father left home and her mother remarried. He Xiaoping finally passed the selection and entered the art troupe, but she lived an extraordinarily \”alternative\” life. The military uniforms were nothing special to the other girls in the art troupe, but in He Xiaoping\’s eyes, they were a big surprise. Due to various reasons, her military uniform will not be available for collection for two weeks. She was extremely disappointed. Because she was eager to wear the military uniform, she had to secretly take Lin Dingding\’s military uniform, take pictures in the photo studio and then secretly put it back. She didn\’t dare to admit that she had taken the military uniform, but she was still discovered. From then on, she became what everyone called a \”thief\” and was despised and isolated. There is a special psychological term called \”compulsive repetition\”. The so-called compulsive repetition means that after a child experiences a painful or happy event, he will repeat it in future life scenes. Unconsciously creating the same opportunity over and over again to experience the same emotion (pleasure or pain). Children who lack love can easily develop a sense of lack. As long as it is something they don’t have, they will usually find ways to get it. After such \”compulsive repetition\”, if they cannot be guided and curbed in time, when they grow up, they will not hesitate to step on the interests of others, or even kill themselves to gain it. A netizen once shared a \”strange\” experience about a dormitory girl: a girl in the dormitory especially liked to \”grab\” things. When two people go shopping together, if the girl sees something she likes and feels that she doesn\’t have it, she will definitely have a copy. Once, they both fell in love with a dress at the same time, and there was only the last one left. She kept acting coquettishly and pretending to be pitiful, so she had to give up. I used to think that her family was not wealthy and it was a sense of material scarcity that made her like this. Unexpectedly, her father was the owner of a real estate company, but her parents were divorced, and she had been living with her father and stepmother. It is said that she fell in love with the boyfriend of the girl in the next door dormitory. You can imagine how bloody the process was. A child without love has an empty heart and no satisfaction.What can you do without love? Those accumulated little jealousies and emotions will be like a dumb thunder that will explode at some point. Seemingly it is the death of others, how can I ever be truly happy? Huang Lei’s daughter Huang Duoduo is the child I “watched” grow up. When she participated in \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, she was emotionally delicate, eloquent, sensible and well-behaved, and her emotional intelligence was off the charts. In recent years, Father Huang’s experience in raising children has been talked about by mothers. The best education is the love of parents. I never thought of her as a child, she was a thinking person, she had her secrets, her thoughts, her life. In my opinion, it is better to demonstrate personally and let her experience it personally, rather than preaching. I believe you don’t have to be sad even if you achieve nothing. There are many people who have no achievements recognized by the world. You don’t have to be a minority. Ordinary is best. Because the couple Huang Lei and Sun Li have always upheld the education of love, even though a younger sister was born, Huang Lei has always been paying attention to Duoduo\’s emotions and changes in all aspects, and we have seen Duoduo becoming more and more outstanding. She is 8 years old and has translated the English parent-child picture book \”Letter from Father Christmas\”. At the age of 9, he wrote an all-English script, wrote and acted, and voiced the role of the \”little girl\” in the French animated film \”The Little Prince\”. In 2017 and 2018, she was invited to participate in the Paris show for two consecutive years; now, at only 12 years old, she is proficient in English and is proficient in all kinds of music, chess, calligraphy and painting. He Jiong, who starred in the drama \”The Book in the Water\” some time ago, posted on Weibo: \”In the first performance today, she overcame the nervousness, fear and strangeness. Thank you for giving me such a perfect performance experience.\” Mr. Xia Beizun is in When translating the book \”Education of Love\”, he said: There is no emotion and no love in education, just like a pond without water. Without water, there is no pond; without love, there is no education. Being a parent is not easy. Being a good parent is a test and torture for the continuation of life. Because children learn to love, perceive love, and how to love, parents are the original source. May every child deserve to be loved, and may every parent know how to love!