What happened to the kid who loved to hit others?

Before our eldest daughter, Xiao Xi, was two years old, we lived in the family building of Nuo Xi’s father’s workplace. There are several family buildings, almost like a community. There were several children about our age living there, and we often played together. For a while, there was a huge pile of sand piled in the open space in the middle of the family\’s courtyard, and the children had a great time playing there every day. That day, Xiao Xi and several children were digging holes in the sand, when the little sister Lingling and her mother came. The three or four children who had been playing very immersedly just now suddenly stood up and moved a little closer to their mother\’s direction. After Lingling played by the sand pile for a while, she suddenly stood up. Before any of us could react, she walked behind her little brother Tutu and pushed him. Tutu fell headfirst into the sand, with sand all over his face and mouth, even in his nostrils. Tutu\’s mother quickly picked up the child, coaxing and frightening her to stop crying in case the sand would be swallowed into her stomach. Several adults were patting and blowing, some provided napkins, some took out wet wipes, and some poured out warm water prepared for their children to scrub him. It was really a mess. Lingling\’s mother said she was sorry while helping. After Tutu was coaxed, she called Lingling over and said, \”How could you push your brother? Do you know this is wrong? Don\’t do it next time.\” After that, let the child continue playing. Lingling\’s mother neither asked the child to apologize nor gave her any form of punishment. This way of handling it shocked me. Tutu\’s mother took the children home to wash their faces and rinse their mouths. The children\’s fathers both worked in the same work unit, so the matter was left alone. After returning home, I talked to my mother-in-law about Lingling pushing her little brother. My mother-in-law immediately told me to take my children away from Lingling next time. She said she loved hitting people the most, and she gave me several examples. . Only then did I realize that Lingling was a \”habitual offender.\” A few days later, several mothers and I took our children to enjoy the shade under a big tree in the middle of the community. The mothers chatted while watching their children. After a while, Lingling joined in, and I reminded myself to keep an eye on the children more. . But accidents are always hard to guard against. The moment I turned around, I heard a loud noise accompanied by a child crying. The moment I saw Xiao Xi lying on her back on the ground, my heart almost broke. It was a concrete floor! I lifted the child up and held her while comforting her while checking the back of her head. When I saw the culprit\’s spirit lying unconscious on the side, I was almost shaking with anger. I know I shouldn’t argue with a child under three years old, but considering that Lingling’s mother will definitely not criticize the child for this, and we will inevitably have to play together in the future, in order to protect my child, I think it is necessary Educate Lingling for her. So after taking a few deep breaths, I squatted down and asked Lingling: \”Why are you pushing my little sister?\” Lingling said: \”I want the leaves (from Xiaoxi\’s hand).\” I told her in a gentle tone: \”Then The little sister picked it up, not you. If you want it, you should discuss it with the little sister to see if she is willing to give it to you or lend it to you to play with. You cannot grab it, let alone hit or push others. Each of us has a mouth. Besides eating, our mouth can also be used for talking.\” After a pause, I continued: \”You pushed the little sister down, did she give you the leaves? No. If you told her properly, she might have given them to you, right?\” Lingling seemed to be in a thinking state. After saying this, I felt calm, and smiled at Lingling and said: \”These principles are very important. A smart child like you will definitely understand, right? Hasn\’t your mother told you before? \”I purposely said this to Lingling\’s mother. All the problems in the children are caused by the wrong parenting methods of the parents. Several mothers nearby also echoed, saying that we adults should give our children correct guidance and so on. Lingling\’s mother looked a little confused, and took the child away after a while. I wasn\’t very familiar with Lingling\’s mother, so I gossiped with several other mothers about how she usually educates her children. I really don’t know if I don’t ask, but I’ll be shocked if I ask. Tutu, who was pushed into the sand last time, is two doors away from Lingling\’s house. The two mothers are familiar with each other. Tutu\’s mother told me several stories, which opened my eyes: When Tutu was a few months old , Tutu’s mother bought a few brightly colored balloons to hang above the crib, so that the child can lie on the bed for a while while she works, and it can also provide the child with rich visual stimulation. Lingling\’s mother came to visit with her children. When she saw the balloons, she took one and gave it to Lingling without asking. Of course, Tutu\’s mother couldn\’t say anything. The strange thing is that on the second and third days, Lingling’s mother went directly to Tutu’s house to untie a balloon for Lingling because the previous balloon had burst. Tutu\’s mother simply gave Lingling a handful of uninflated balloons and asked her mother to go home and blow them up. On other occasions, Lingling\’s mother knocked on Tutu\’s door because Lingling wanted to use the bathroom. She was too lazy to open her own door, so she took her child to Tutu\’s bathroom. Regarding Lingling\’s tendency to hit people, Lingling\’s mother has always held the view that children should not be taught too weakly! Moreover, Lingling’s birthday is in August. After going to school, she is relatively young and easily bullied in the class. She needs to teach her children to be more “powerful” so as not to suffer disadvantages. Xiaomi\’s mother next to her said that last month Lingling pushed another little girl and fell on her back on the cobblestone path. A big bump formed on the back of the child\’s head. She cried and vomited. After going to the hospital, the doctor suspected that the child had a slight concussion. , let\’s observe closely. Lingling\’s mother paid for the medical expenses and taxi fare. When she came back, she was so angry that she beat Lingling thoroughly. After that, Lingling\’s mother restrained herself. After Lingling hit others, her mother would criticize her and sometimes even beat her. Lingling improved slightly after being physically punished by her mother at first, but after a few times, her beating behavior became even more severe. After listening to the narrations of several mothers, I had an idea: It is beyond my power to save all sentient beings! From now on, only distance can be used to protect children. Lingling’s mother did not teach her children how to communicate with others using language, she did not teach her children to respect the property rights of others, she did not teach her children to be self-centered (not to be self-centered)… many things that should be taught were not taught. Her corporal punishment of the child set an even worse example for the child: If I do something wrong, I will be beaten. This child did something wrong, so I beat her… A few months later, Lingling entered the kindergarten. Because I always hit my classmates, I was criticized many times by the teacher.Her parents also complained about her, and Lingling\’s mother began to feel distressed. Lingling was originally only a month old, so it was not easy for her to adapt to the kindergarten. In addition, she was criticized by the teacher, which made her unwilling to go to school and cried all day long. One day before the National Day, I saw Lingling playing in the courtyard, and I was wondering: This is not the weekend, why is the child not in school? During the chat, I learned that Lingling scratched a female classmate\’s arm three times a few days ago. It was red and swollen, and the skin almost broke and bled. The teacher was so angry that he took the unrepentant Lingling to the nap room to \”think about her mistakes\” and refused to let her attend class with other children. When school was over in the evening, the female classmate cried and complained to her grandma. Her grandma criticized Lingling, saying that the person who beat others was a bad boy, and threatened her that if she bullied others again, she would be reported to the police. The next morning, Lingling had an emotional outburst after getting up, crying and making a fuss. She didn\’t want to go to school anyway, so Lingling\’s mother had to ask for two days off. Lingling\’s mother said: \”I\’ve been beaten and scolded. People used to say that I don\’t care about the children, but now I do, it\’s still useless! I\’m really worried.\” Lingling\’s mother left me speechless: Educate children If it were so easy, anyone could raise a dozen! Seeing Lingling\’s withered head and brain, and imagining that she has been accustomed to being \”arrogant\” since childhood, being constantly criticized by teachers, excluded by classmates, and criticized by parents with a bad temper, I can\’t help but feel sad: that kind of embarrassment Even adults can\’t stand the feeling. What\’s wrong with the child? She just developed bad habits. This bad habit is neither innate nor something she is willing to develop. It is just the fault of adults\’ education concepts, but the children are left to bear the consequences. Later, we bought a house and moved out of the family home. We kept in touch with the children who had a good time with the children. We occasionally talked about Lingling. They all said that they were not happy during school, had a bad relationship with classmates, and were not liked by teachers. , became less talkative, etc. Lingling’s story makes me very emotional. In life, there are always some parents who acquiesce or even encourage their children to \”fight\”. When their children infringe on others, these parents do not effectively restrain them. They think that as long as their children do not suffer, it will be fine. Parents who think this way are really very naive and ridiculous. Their thinking is still in the first grade of elementary school. They think that life is like doing math problems. It is either black or white: you suffer a loss, and I get a deal; you lose. , I won. They don’t know what a win-win situation is, and naturally they don’t understand that there is a situation that is a win-win situation. There is no winner when it comes to kids hitting people! Both the child who hits and the child who is hit are victims. The child is by your side, you teach him to be more powerful, and you protect him so that he doesn\’t suffer. When your child leaves your sight, who will protect him from suffering? And after all, what is a loss? Didn\’t you win a piece of eraser? Did you miss a spoonful of rice at school? Have you ever considered whether your children are welcome? Have you ever considered your child’s inner feelings? If you don\’t want your children to suffer \”overt losses\”, life will make them suffer \”hidden losses\”!