What happened to those spoiled children?

In August this year, a 26-year-old unemployed man in Zhenjiang, Jiangsu Province, drank pesticide and threatened to die because his father asked for 5,000 yuan for living expenses and was rejected. At the age of 26, he has reached the age to support his parents, but not only is this man unable to solve the most basic problems of food and clothing on his own, he also needs living expenses from his father, who has a low income. As soon as the news came out, people called the man a \”white-eyed wolf\”, but little did they know that his current appearance is also inseparable from his parents. In the second season of \”Mom is Superman\”, Ma Yashu, who has a pair of mixed-race children, was criticized by netizens for her parenting style. In particular, Ma Yashu removed all the furniture from the house in order to prevent her children from being harmed. Later, she failed to teach her children basic Self-care led to Mia being expelled from kindergarten after only two days in kindergarten… Parents love their children, but in the end they harm their children. They forget that children will eventually go into society alone. In the fierce social competition, The best protector is actually himself. Your \”love\” is bothering the child. A female classmate of my niece came to my house to play. During the chat, she told me: \”My mother raised me alone. Our family\’s financial situation is at a medium level, and we are the kind of people who cannot afford to buy luxury goods.\” , but it won’t starve to death on the street. My mother has never trusted me to go out alone since I was a child. Even if it is a cram school only a thousand meters away from home, she will not let me go alone. She would rather come back from the office by myself. Once, they sent me there and then returned to my work… This behavior has troubled me for a long time. I felt so useless and disgusted with myself.\” This kind of scene is probably not uncommon for everyone in TV dramas and even real life. There is nothing wrong with parents loving their children. Especially today, when parents are from a good family and guard one or two children, they hold them in their hands for fear of being touched and hold them in their mouths for fear of being burned… But sometimes, it is this love that hurts the children. It even sows the seeds of sadness for the whole family. My uncle\’s son is 27 years old. He has been staying at home after graduating from college because he could not find a suitable job. Because the family\’s financial foundation is not bad, the old man wants to wait until the child can find a suitable job. Just after the parents allowed their children to stay at home, they gradually discovered that their children had changed. Apart from chatting online and playing games every day, they hardly went out. As time goes by, the elderly see other people\’s children either working or getting married, and when they look at their own children, they see no hope at all. So the mother couldn\’t help nagging her. At first the child listened, but as time went by, the mother and child began to quarrel. One day, because his son went online and asked his mother to recharge the game card, and his mother kept nagging him, he beat his mother in anger… The aunt who was wiping her tears on the hospital bed still didn\’t understand that she was so precious. Why did my son become what he is today? \”I love because I am afraid.\” There is another person who also doesn\’t understand why he is like this, my college classmate Wu Lin. I remember when I first entered college, a girl in the class gave each girl a piece of chocolate, and Wu Lin threw it into the trash can in front of everyone. From then on, Wu Lin was regarded as a weirdo by his classmates, and no one wanted to get close to him. But the fact is that when Wu Lin was a child, his grandmother watched him grow up. Her grandmother was afraid that he would have diarrhea after eating unclean food, so she told him: \”In addition to the food provided by my family,You cannot eat anything given by anyone, everything outside is poisonous! \”So since he was a child, he would not eat anything given by others, not even the school lunches. He would always bring meals from home. Unexpectedly, the phrase \”foreign food is poisonous\” took root in his heart, even if When he got to college, he still believed this sentence to be true. After reading \”Meeting Children, Meeting a Better Self\”, there was a story about a mother who said something that impressed me deeply: I love because I am afraid. Indeed. , one of the reasons why many parents \”love\” their children so much is the fear in their own hearts. Usually, at the gatherings of the Mother\’s Gang, someone always brings up this topic: How do I explain to my son why I feel uneasy in a restaurant? Did he go to the bathroom alone? Nowadays, many news are talking about cases of children disappearing in the bathroom… My daughter is very interested in learning gymnastics, but I can\’t let her do this. Sang Lan was paralyzed because of this… a few years ago Some time ago, my friend Huang Qi told me with her own story what problems would arise if parents blindly pass on this kind of fear to their children. Huang Qi was only ten years old at that time. One day during the summer vacation, her mother When she went to buy groceries, she was home alone when she heard the doorbell ring and saw two strange men and women through the door. Huang was startled and hid in the corner of the door for more than ten minutes. She waited until the stranger outside the door left. , she dared to move, but by this time, she was already sweating profusely with fear. \”My mother later said that those two people were colleagues from her work unit, and they came to deliver a report,\” Huang recalled, \”but my mother did not follow I said this…I will never forget how scared I was! \”Huang Qi is an only child. Her mother often tells her about strangers abducting children, telling her how dangerous strangers are, and telling her not to talk to strangers, so Huang\’s extreme reaction at that time is understandable. It\’s just that , a teenage child should be able to ask a stranger’s purpose behind a locked iron door, but Huang has never received guidance and training in this area from her mother. Many parents think that letting their children It is your duty to protect your children from physical danger. But the so-called protection of children, as Yu Dan said, its true meaning is to help children deal with crises on their own, rather than allowing them to avoid various risks and restrict their lives. , inhibiting their growth. Use safety seats to protect small babies in the car, and require children to wear helmets when riding bicycles… These protections are reasonable. But after the protected age, they still do not let the children alone because of excessive worry Going out, going to the restaurant toilet alone, and crossing the street alone, this kind of \”protection\” will only hinder the growth of children. If children continue to be \”protected\” like this, I guess they will be afraid of even the most common challenges in life, let alone It is said to bravely go to the outside world. Giving freedom is the motivation for children to grow. Long Yingtai once said that if you keep an eye on your children too closely, then you will become a stumbling block. If he has no chance to do bad things, he will not do them. opportunity for good things; if he doesn\’t have the chance to fail, he can\’t learn to succeed. I don\’t want Andre to become a child without free will. Think about it, many children are full of forbearance under the \”watching\” of their parents,They obey many rules set by their parents and suppress many of their inner needs and preferences. In the end, parents finally built a safe world for their children, but at the cost of losing their free will. But in Long Yingtai\’s view, free will is an important attribute that determines a child\’s future life path. A person with free will can make choices freely. Only in free choices can he achieve the most abundant growth. How children make decisions and choose between right and wrong is the key that directly affects their future success. Letting children learn to use their own free will does not mean asking them to obey their parents\’ instructions, nor does it mean that parents should obey their children\’s instructions. It means that parents should allow their children to make the worst decisions, and then learn from them and grow from the experience. So, how can children learn to make their own decisions? He cannot learn to make decisions unless he has made them several times himself. So let him screw up a few things, let him make some insignificant mistakes, so what? Educator Barbara Calerosa said that on a cold day, if your five or six-year-old child gets cold once because he doesn\’t want to wear a sweater, it will be far worse than if you blindly reminded him or yelled at him to wear clothes before. Can teach him something. Indeed, the best lesson for a child to remember to check whether the lunch box is in the school bag before going out is to let him be hungry several times at noon. \”Giving freedom gives all life the power to grow.\” Gardeners move the plants in the greenhouse outdoors in order to make them withstand enough pressure and become strong. At the same time, horticulturists will slowly reduce the amount of nutrients and water they give their plants and expose them to greater temperature differences, so that the plants can grow stronger root systems and thicker stems. Of course, we don\’t need to do this intentionally. What we have to do is to let go a little bit and stop restricting and suppressing children in the name of \”love\”. This is to provide children with the conditions for free growth and space for them to develop and become talents. Having a free and abundant childhood, in my opinion, is the greatest luck in a child\’s life.