What happens to children raised by irritable parents?

A few days ago, I went to pick up my son from school and saw a shocking scene at the school gate – a mother, with one hand on her hips and one hand poking the child in front of her on the head, yelling: \”You pig head! This is a small test.\” I’m going to be so angry with you just for taking this score!” People were coming and going at the school gate, and when they heard such shouting and cursing, everyone turned their attention. The child who was scolded suppressed his blush and couldn\’t help lowering his head and sobbing, which was heartbreaking to watch. I believe this scene has happened in many families. And every child who has experienced the rollercoaster of emotions of his parents also has this question in his mind: Why can mom and dad smile warmly one second, but look ferocious the next, like landmines? Writer Haruki Murakami once said: A child is like a sapling, and the family environment is the water that irrigates it. The irritable parents are unknowingly eroding the vigorous growth of this young sapling. The United Nations conducted a survey on the ten things that children are most afraid of their parents doing, and the top two are – parents quarreling and losing their temper. Each item is related to negative emotions and brings a deep sense of fear and uneasiness to the child. In the TV series \”I\’m Mentally Ill, But It\’s Okay\”, fairy tale writer Seo Ye-ji looks great on the surface, but she always wakes up from nightmares every night. Those dreams are all related to my mother. What should I do if my child has a bad temper and is irritable? This will solve the problem. Since childhood, my mother has been emotionally unstable and in a bad mental state. She would throw things and yell when she saw something that didn\’t go her way. In addition to often quarreling with her father, her mother also likes to PUA her mentally. Once, she went home with a little boy, and her mother mistakenly thought she was in puppy love. While she was combing her hair, her mother suddenly grabbed her neck with one hand and said viciously: \”Why did you bring him back?\” Similar experiences happened to her frequently during her childhood. So when she grew up, her mother became her nightmare, always appearing in her dreams, and she couldn\’t get rid of her. I still remember one time when I accompanied my son to read the picture book \”The Mom Who Yells When She\’s Angry\”, and I was deeply impressed. The story tells the story of a cute little penguin who was frightened out of his wits because his mother suddenly got angry at him. Its head went to the universe, its belly fell to the sea, its wings fell to the tropical jungle, its mouth was stuck on the top of the mountain, its tail was on the crowded street, and its feet were running wildly. The torn little penguin was in despair and didn\’t know where to go. Finally, his mother found him, picked up the body parts scattered everywhere, sewed him back together, and apologized. But even if the two get back together, the rift and damage in Little Penguin\’s soul can never be repaired. Parents\’ bad moods, to their children, are like deep nightmares and unforgettable horror movies. A child\’s world is like wet cement, everything it receives will always leave a mark. Don\’t think that they are still young and ignorant. Once the parents\’ wanton vent of anger hurts them, it will break into pieces the heart that longs for love and tenderness, leaving scars. Once or twice, it may be gradually forgotten with age. In the long run, parents\’ bad mood will only become a lifelong nightmare for them. easyWhat kind of children will angry parents raise in the future? Michael Horton, an expert on child issues, said: \”Although children are born with different temperaments and genes, the family environment can help shape and solidify the child\’s behavior.\” Previously, online There was a topic #Children Raised by Angry Parents# that hit the screen. From this Weibo, you can see the 15 characteristics that a psychologist once summarized for children who grew up under the influence of irritable parents: From the comments of netizens, you can also summarize the characteristics of children raised by irritable parents. Three typical personalities: 1. Ignoring one\’s own feelings and often pleasing others: In the parent-child program \”Let\’s Go\”, Yang Yuchen is always trying his best to please his father. He didn\’t go in the right direction, so his father scolded him and he quickly started over. Walking slower, Dad felt disgusted, so he quickly adjusted his attitude and followed closely. Whenever his father gets angry, he will try his best to agree with him, no matter how tired or miserable he is. Psychology expert Professor Li Meijin said: \”If parents have bad tempers and are irritable, it is easy to raise children with a \’pleasant\’ personality, which will affect their lives.\” In order to make parents happy, be less angry. . They will work hard to accomplish what their parents ask of them, meet their parents\’ expectations, and live the way their parents want them to. Making others happy has become their creed. Even in future interpersonal relationships, as long as others are unhappy, he will first look for the reason within himself: is it because he is not good? He is cautious and cautious all day long, walking on thin ice, and would rather sacrifice himself to help others. 2. Inferior self-esteem and lack of security: Shu Qi once exposed her tragic childhood. Her parents gave birth to her, who was fashionable and young. She was uneducated and had a bad temper. Her father was unhappy and would beat her at any time. My mother is the same, she always scolds me indiscriminately. Every time she heard her father coming home, she had an instinctive flight reaction. When she grew up and left home, she often felt bad about herself. Even though he became famous and became a star, he always had low self-esteem and lacked security. He had to put a doll next to him when sleeping and curl up to fall asleep. Famous psychologist Phil Bain said: \”When children are treated badly by their parents, in order to maintain the intention that their parents are good, they will tend to think that they are bad.\” Parents\’ bad emotions can easily make them The child feels useless and unloved. It is difficult for children who cannot feel the love of their parents to truly love themselves. 3. Emotional and irritable: Education expert Lan Hai encountered a mother and son who were emotional and irritable on the show. The son didn\’t eat or sleep well, which made the mother anxious. Every time the mother and son were in the same room, there would always be conflicts. As a last resort, I had to pick up the bowl and take the initiative to feed my son. But my son vomited while eating and kept shouting \”I don\’t want to eat\”. When the stalemate persisted, the mother lost her temper, treated her son harshly, and even kicked him from time to time. In anger, no one in the whole family dared to persuade my mother. Her coercion and inducement did not work, but instead created the same violent personality in her son: he usually lost his temper and hit others. After observing the mother and son, Lan Hai pointed out the problem to the point: the child is actually imitating the mother. The parents are the originals and the children are the copies. Irritable parents will only raise ill-tempered, willful and mischievous children. bad mood, is the worst gift parents can give their children. Inappropriate expression of emotions is the entry point for children to misunderstand the world. The good mood of parents is the most valuable feng shui for a family. Someone asked on Zhihu: What does having parents’ stable mood mean to a family? Gao Zan\’s answer is: It will make everyone want to go home. The good mood of parents can fill the home with more love and warmth, and promote the growth and progress of children. In the hit drama \”Pi\”, everyone envies the \”bankrupt young master\” Jiang Tianhao. Even though his family was in decline and his impulsive \”jumping off a building\” had a huge negative impact on himself, Lin Miaomiao still envied him. Because he has a pair of emotionally stable parents. Fan Deng Reading Club\’s Five Compulsory Courses for New Parents\’ Family Education [Video + Audio] The Jiang family once enjoyed prosperity and wealth, but their parents never forgot their original aspirations and always cared about his education and growth. Even when they went bankrupt, their parents did not fall into the pain of debt and blame each other. Instead, they encouraged each other and worked together to find a way to overcome difficulties and start anew. When Jiang Tianhao \”jumped off a building\” to grab a mobile phone, Jiang\’s father did not criticize or criticize him. Instead, he patiently reasoned and analyzed and calmed the child\’s grievances. A good tutoring environment creates a child\’s future. The good temper of his parents subtly shaped Jiang Tianhao\’s personality, making him easy-going, kind and approachable. The poet Whitman said: \”A child walks forward every day, and whatever he sees first becomes something… If it is an early morning glory, then it will become a part of the child; if it is a messy weed, then it will become a part of the child. It will also become a part of the child.\” Parents should control their emotions if they want their children to see early-blooming morning glory every day. Anger will only bring temporary \”pleasure\”. Only peaceful and good emotions are the power that can best nourish a child\’s heart. In front of children, the more parents know how to control themselves and have the wisdom to take responsibility for their own emotions, the more children can fully feel love and respect. Even if he makes mistakes and experiences setbacks, he still feels secure enough and believes that his parents will accept him, understand him, and even help him calm down his inner pressure. Speak well and treat your children calmly, and what you achieve is the happiness of your children in their future lives. Education master Tao Xingzhi said: \”Compared to adult parents, children are more like sensitive psychologists. Parents only consider their existence, but they are particularly concerned about their parents\’ emotions and are very sensitive to their parents\’ psychological changes.\” Parents are like a mirror. Their emotions, good or bad, will be directly projected on their children and become what they will be like when they grow up. Good emotions are the best gift parents can give their children. Only by putting away your temper can your child\’s future life be filled with sunshine and rain. I hope that all parents will not be swayed by emotions and give our children a peaceful and stable environment and a harmonious and warm home. Only by giving him enough patience and love can he make this little sapling grow stronger and bloom more luxuriantly.