What hurts children the most is not the divorce of parents, but…

\”After so many years of marriage, his family has always been prejudiced against me. They have never regarded me as a member of their family. Every time they talk, they always hide their opinions. And he has never supported me. I really don\’t know what to do with this kind of marriage. What should I do?\” \”My husband made some money from his business three years ago. Since then, he has been flirting with women outside. I have caught him several times. Now my heart is broken into pieces.\” \”Ever since I married him, He never did any housework or even said a word of comfort to me. Every day when I was exhausted, he just lay at home like an old man. What saddened me the most was that he cheated on me the year after I gave birth to my child. Falling in love with a vixen from work.\”…Every time after listening to readers\’ confessions, I would ask: \”Then why don\’t you get a divorce?\” Almost everyone answered the same sentence: \”For the sake of the children.\” I I don’t want my child to grow up in a single-parent family. I don’t want my child to be discriminated against by classmates and friends in the future. I don’t want my child to have an unhappy life because of my marriage. I can understand this state of mind, but is it really useful to maintain a marriage full of holes for the sake of children? The relationship between a husband and wife is greater than the relationship between parents and children. First of all, we need to recognize the fact that children are only a part of your marriage, and the other half is the protagonist of your marriage. In a family, children always have to leave to start their own family, and in the end it is your partner who stays with you. If you were unhappy in the first half of your life, you will remain unhappy in the second half of your life. Psychologist Zeng Qifeng once said that the relationship between husband and wife is like \”the anchor of the family.\” If the relationship between husband and wife is harmonious, the family will be as stable as a rock. But if there are already problems in the relationship between husband and wife, and you still want to give your children a sound family, or want to save a marriage through your children, the possibility is too slim. In a complete family, the relationship between husband and wife is the cause, and the relationship between parents and children is the effect. The happiness of your children depends on whether your relationship between husband and wife is good or not. Using an unhappy marriage to save a child is the most immature approach. A healthy family is more important than integrity. In 1995, psychologists Amito, Lucas, and Booth conducted a survey on \”the degree of discord and whether they were divorced.\” The results found that parents were more likely to be discordant and divorced quickly. The impact of family on children is actually very small. On the contrary, families where parents have been at odds for a long time but have never divorced will have the greatest impact on their children. The two of them seem to be living apart from each other, quarreling or fighting cold wars, often running away from home and living apart, and lacking a good and healthy interaction model for a long time. This will have many negative and irreversible effects on the child\’s character growth and communication skills. It shows that some children have low self-esteem, while others have hot tempers. No matter what kind of personality they have, they will have more or less communication difficulties when communicating with others. Secondly, because the relationship between the parents is not harmonious, the attention to the children will naturally decrease. The children will gradually feel that they are worthless, and may even feel guilty, thinking that all the misfortunes of their parents are caused by themselves. Don\’t think that your child is young and doesn\’t understand anything. He is a direct participant in his parents\’ marriage. He can feel how you are doing.. The family that children need most is healthy, not complete, and happy, not cold. The third most important thing is to teach children the ability to love. Some people may worry that after divorce, children will lack paternal or maternal love; the material support a person\’s financial income can provide to his children will also be greatly reduced. Some studies have pointed out that as long as parents provide proper guidance, children\’s negative emotions caused by their parents\’ divorce generally only last for one or two years, not for long. Moreover, divorce does not mean that one parent should be deprived of his or her parental responsibilities. When they should take their children to the park, they go to the park. When they need to help their children with homework, they do their homework. Although Li Yapeng and Faye Wong are divorced, they still get together on their children\’s birthdays and give their children a complete family birthday party. This is a good example. As for material concerns, I always believe that spiritual wealth is more important than having money, and the ability to love others is more important than being loved. Many children from single-parent families have extreme personalities and cannot love others when they grow up. In fact, it is not because their parents are divorced, but because when they were growing up, their parents never taught their children the correct way to love others, and they even did not pay attention at all. Yes, children need the ability to love others. 4 Many people may wonder why I am like this. There is an old saying in China, \”It is better to demolish ten temples than destroy one marriage.\” Why do you just write an article and advise people to divorce. I want to make one point clear here: I do not encourage divorce at will, but I also do not support staying in a marriage for the sake of children. Marriage is never just a matter between two people. The first half of your life affects not only the second half of your own life, but also the life of your children. If you feel that your marriage is unhappy, first think carefully about whether the two of you are compatible, whether his good qualities can save the marriage, and whether there is room for change in her bad qualities. There is really no room for relaxation, just separate, don\’t talk about it for the sake of the children. What really hurts children is not the division of the family, but the long period of mutual consumption between parents.