What is the education that hurts children the most?

What happens to children who have been abused by their parents for a long time? Two days ago, a topic hit the hot search list #90% of respondents said they were verbally assaulted by their parents. The survey was conducted on 2006 young people aged 18 to 35. Surprisingly, 90.6% of the respondents admitted that their parents had been verbally abusive to them. There were verbal attacks. And 45.4% of the respondents believed that this kind of attack would continue into middle school. Do you know the importance of a person\’s independence? 21 tricks to help your child learn to be independent. Now it’s really time to accept the results of percussive education. As many as 59.7% of the respondents believe that persecutory education makes them lack self-confidence and make them prone to self-denial. How many Chinese children grew up under the pressure of their parents? To explain is to talk back; to be silent is to show off one\’s temper; to cry is to be pretentious; other people\’s children are always better than one\’s own; no matter what the child does, it is wrong… But are children who grow up in this kind of environment really good? I still remember that a little girl in Xi\’an jumped off a building and died, leaving only one last sentence in her homework book: \”Why can\’t I do anything?\” It turned out that on the day of the incident, the girl had no time to finish writing an essay assigned by the teacher, and she felt that she Very failed. In despair and self-blame, she chose to take a lifelong leap… Freud said: No one attacks himself for no reason unless he has experienced a childhood of constant denial and attack. Attacking education will only knock children down. We often see this strange phenomenon in life: parenting anxiety cannot be solved by a few chicken soup articles. These 15 parenting books should be treasured. When parents praise other people\’s children, parents will open their mouths and come. But when it comes to my own child, I always feel that I need to beat it more and not let the child float. As everyone knows, if you criticize your child, he will develop in the direction of criticism. In 1939, Wendell Johnson, a language research group at the University of Iowa, recruited 22 orphans to conduct an experiment. The method of the experiment was to constantly hit these children and accuse them of stuttering whenever they spoke. guess what? After a period of time, the child who was originally very articulate turned into a real stutter, which will last a lifetime! A child who participated in the test learned the truth at the age of 74. He was in great pain and blamed this devilish experiment – \”You ruined my life. I might have become a natural scientist, an archaeologist or a president. But instead I became A poor stammer…\” Children\’s self-confidence and sense of worth are completely dependent on the evaluation of people around them. Long-term suppression will only make them mistakenly position themselves and think that they are such bad people, making it easier for them to break down. Parents never know what kind of personality your children will shape into with just one word from you. What\’s more, they will bury their hatred for their parents under the blows day after day. Under the question \”What is suicide?\” on Zhihu, there is an incisive answer. He said that part of the psychology of children committing suicide is revenge. The moment I jumped, I knew I would hurt my parents. The child has to sacrifice his own life in exchange for his parents\’ tears and their parents\’ loss. They choose to commit suicide because they are too weak and have no other way to punish their parents. Only through such an extreme method can parentsSeeing your own vulnerability makes your parents realize their mistakes. Good children are born through encouragement, and I must express my deep regret to you all – my two children almost made such a mistake while raising them. My brother is very good at everything he does, and he never needs to be pushed when he does his homework. The younger brother, on the other hand, is a slow man. When he compared his homework speed with his elder brother, the old man had something to say: Erbao is good at everything, but he is too slow. Learn from your brother. After a few times, Erbao\’s obvious change was that he became slower. I quickly had a private meeting with the old man and told them never to say that my brother is slow again, otherwise it will only become slower and slower. I prepared a timer for my brother and asked him to time himself when doing homework every day. In this way, you not only have a concept of time, but also can clearly see your progress. I always say: Erbao is awesome! Today is 1 minute faster than yesterday! This kind of encouragement made my brother more and more focused, and his speed also improved significantly! Just like Drake, the founder of \”Positive Discipline\” said this: A child who behaves inappropriately is a child who does not receive recognition. The more children receive recognition, their behavior and character will get better and better. A child\’s initial self-perception comes from feedback from his parents. If he never gets affirmation from his parents, he will think that is the truth. In fact, they will always think that they are the one being scrutinized, so they are afraid of authority, do not know how to get along with authority figures, do not know how to take the initiative to ask for help, and tend to act submissive. This is what we call a steamed bun personality, easily bullied. Therefore, in the process of raising children, children need the affirmation of their parents. Don’t be stingy with your praise. Be a patient first, then a doctor. But then again, wouldn’t the child be in trouble? of course not. Children\’s educational psychology e-book Adlerian psychology book download ultra-clear PDF Xu Zidong said something in the latest issue of \”The Round Table School\”, which I deeply believed. He said that when discussing problems, one must first be a patient and then a doctor. Nothing could be better than focusing on children\’s education. Always evaluating children\’s shortcomings from the perspective of someone who has experienced it will only aggravate their frustration. Standing on an equal footing with the child and understanding the reasons why the child makes mistakes can point out the child\’s shortcomings and let the child know that he is \”not fighting alone.\” For example, I previously posted an article about my child\’s dyslexia, and a sister left me a message in the middle of the night. It turned out that she had wrongly blamed her child for so long, and she no longer forced her child. Then something magical happened. After telling the child about his possible dyslexia, the child was actually more willing to spend time reading. Real education is to respect children\’s wishes and allow children to digest, reflect and grow in a safe environment. Instead of just controlling and humiliating. A drop of water penetrates a stone, which is better than a heavy rain. Kind words and kind words can be transmitted silently and subtly. Finally, let me say a bad word: every child deserves to be treated with tenderness. The \”gentle treatment\” here is not just a compliment, which will turn into perfunctory; nor is it a fault-finding that thinks it is good for the child, which is more likely to be a kind of control and humiliation. What children really need is for parents to put down their condescending attitude, put aside utilitarianism and comparison, and focus on their specific selves. Tap into children’s potential and help them overcome their weaknesses togetherSpots and blind spots. After all, the purpose of education is not to exacerbate harm, but to promote growth. Only in this way can children calmly move towards a broader world.