What is the greatest support for children?

What should we expect from our children? What can parents do to provide the greatest support to their children? Let’s take a look at the educational experience of psychologist He Lingfeng. What are our expectations for our children? Suppose I stand twenty or thirty years from now and look back at the education we provide today. Which education is valuable and which is worthless? We want to raise our children, and we want them to What kind of person to become. The first very important thing is that he must be able to live healthily and quietly. There was a saying in the past: I hope that my son will be foolish and rude, and that he will be able to live in public affairs without any trouble. It doesn\’t matter if the child is a little stupid or stupid, the most important thing is to live his life peacefully. When we raise a child, we must first ensure that whether we are in this world or not, the education, support and love we have given him will enable him to live well in this world. For him, learning knowledge, taking exams, and entering higher education have only one purpose, which is that his experience and what he has learned can ensure that he can live a free and dignified life in the future. The most important thing when getting along with children is to create an emotional atmosphere. All the insecurities we project onto our children come from the external reactions of our own insecurities. In fact, it is because we have no confidence in ourselves and are insecure about the world we face, and we hope that this insecurity will not continue in our children, so we impose a lot of expectations, hoping that our children can find safety for us. feel. The child is a scapegoat. Only when parents find a sense of security themselves can children be safe. Parents should not face the world in anxious mode. The most important thing when getting along with your child is what kind of emotional atmosphere you create when you get along with him. When your child is with you, what kind of emotional experience does he have, whether he is successful or not, whether he is seen or not. You have no right to dictate how another flower blooms. Sometimes we have a strong sense of control over our children. In fact, it is a sign of giving up on ourselves. We feel that we have no chance in this life. That\’s it. I still have a lot of unfulfilled goals. The wish I hope comes true in my child. But in fact every individual carries his own life. If you really respect your child, you should let him blossom in his own way. Even if you are his parent, you actually have no right to dictate how another flower blooms or how another tree grows, because you are also a flower and a tree. A score of 59 is more valuable than a score of 100. One of the things I cultivate about my daughter is: whether her grades are good or not is not very important. When my daughter was in the fourth grade of elementary school, she once showed me a paper and said, \”Dad, the teacher asked the parents to sign on the paper. I dare not show it to my mother. Why don\’t you sign it for me secretly?\” I looked at it! , 59 points, 59 points in the fourth grade primary school exam! I have never scored below 90 points in my elementary school exams. I told her: \”You got a score of 59 in the fourth grade of elementary school. Did you know? One day when you grow up and work in a company, your colleagues and boss won\’t care whether you scored 59 in a certain test in the fourth grade of elementary school.\” 59 points, or 95 points in the exam, this matterNot important, really not important. I asked her: \”You got 59 points in the test. What score did the best student in your class get?\” \”She said 100 points. I told my daughter: \”The student in your class who scored 100 points in this test actually does not need to take this test, because he did not diagnose anything in this test, so he took it in vain! But you gained a lot. You found out the problem with 41 points in one test! As long as you change these 41 points, you will be the biggest beneficiary of this exam. \”Studying this matter, one point, one word, is not that important. So what if you don\’t do well in the exam? How to develop a fulfilling hobby. My daughter liked to draw when she was a child. She got a pen and started drawing everywhere. When you were a child, you couldn’t tell whether it was a painting or not, and you didn’t know what it was. A few paintings were painted on the wall, and a few days later, several more were painted, not only on the wall, but also on the table and bench. , pillows, bedside, the paintings are everywhere, and you don’t know what weird things are painted. Looking back now, I think the only thing I might have done right was not to blame her, criticize her or It was to beat her. I thought that children should just paint if they like it. No one came to our house anyway. Later I thought that if the child likes painting so much, he should enroll in a juvenile class, the kind of children\’s palace. After three classes, I Forget it, let’s not go. Because the child was young at that time, adults had to accompany her. She was drawing inside and I was waiting outside, leaning against the window to watch the teacher teach. How to teach crayon drawing? The teacher drew a five-pointed star on the notebook. , a circle, and a square. Then he said: \”Use the crayon to paint it evenly. It is not allowed to go out of the frame. It must be painted evenly inside.\” \”My daughter painted it in one minute. It was uneven and covered all over the outside. Then she said, \”Teacher, I\’ve finished the painting.\” The teacher said, \”What are you painting!\” I told you not to go outside this frame, and it\’s not even inside. You have to apply it finely and evenly on the inside. My daughter was very unhappy: \”I was the first to finish the painting and you didn\’t praise me!\” \”Come back and sit there with a red crayon and write \”100 points\”. The teacher came over and said, \”Who asked you to evaluate 100 points by yourself? You are not allowed to rate it yourself. If you draw like this, you still get 100 points! \”I was watching outside and wondered whether I should let my daughter learn to paint. I don\’t think this kind of painting is feasible. My daughter is not going to be a painter in the future, so why should she apply the paint evenly if it can\’t be painted out? It\’s better to forget it. I want to paint it when I go home. She drew whatever she liked. Later, she never took any art classes, but she just drew whatever she liked. By the time she was in her second year of high school, her grades were not very good. It might be difficult to get into the 985 key universities, so She is now going to Japan Animation University to major in animation. Parents living their lives well is the greatest support for their children. Japanese universities are very strange. They enroll at the end of March and beginning of April every year. This means that she has nothing to do for half a year, so she found She went to intern at two animation companies. Nowadays, many children only go to intern in their third and fourth years of college. She went to intern in high school and then went to college after the internship. I think this internship had a great impact on her. One is Her views on career are different, and in the company, people think that when she is a junior high school student, when she first comes here, she mayI still take care of them, but when I work for five or eight days, no one cares about this and I just treat them as an employee. Therefore, the handling of all relationships in the company, the company\’s work process, and the interactions between colleagues all have the same requirements for her. It is really good to experience it. After she went there, when people saw that it was a high school student who came for an internship, they asked her to do some chores. She would draw lines and paint colors, and that\’s all. Then, the leader discovered that her way of painting was different from others, which was very strange, because she was not formally trained, but came from a wild background. The leader asked everyone to come over and see her painting method. When everyone saw it, this painting method was very good and much simpler and more convenient than their original one. Later, the boss asked her to draw people, so she drew a passerby. After finishing the painting, the leader asked her to draw another supporting role. In the last two months before she left, she presided over a project in her first company. She made all the designs for the entire set of cards by herself. My daughter is now absolutely confident professionally. Looking back, I have never helped her with painting. I feel like the only contribution I made was not stopping. Until now, I am still against her entering this industry. I told her: \”You like animation. Now I will send you to Japan to study animation. The actual highest level is only this, and forget it after you finish studying.\” I actually don\’t want her to make a living from this, because I think it is too hard. . But if she insists on doing it, I will definitely support her – I don\’t support your choice, but if you choose, I will support you. The most correct thing we do in education is tolerance. My daughter has expressed more than once that she feels very lucky to have parents like us, because she has seen many of her classmates’ parents stifle their children’s talents. The most important point is that parents cannot bear the final responsibility for their children\’s lives. Many of us interfere with our children\’s interests, marriages, and careers. But in the end, when children encounter difficulties, it is the children themselves who bear the consequences, not us adults. If you can\’t bear the consequences for him, why should you make decisions for him. Therefore, parents should live their own lives well. This is the greatest support for their children.