What is your dream for your children to see (Parents Awakening)

In traditional moral concepts, \”giving up one\’s life for the sake of children\” is praised and encouraged, but today I would like to share with you a point of view: first achieve yourself, then you can achieve your children. For children, the best love is to love yourself first. When I was studying for my master\’s and doctorate at Columbia University, I already had three children, ages three, four, and five. At the time, I was working full-time and studying at the same time. I often use my left and right hands to help the eldest and second child get food with my right hand, and hold a spoon to the third child\’s mouth with my left hand. After finally feeding the children, I hurried to work and class. A collection of 100 children\’s songs played continuously in 1080P ultra-clear videos. The second child, who has always been insecure, immediately burst into tears every time he saw me pick up my handbag and put on high heels. The hoarse cry ran through the floor, making my brother and sister cry every time. Then he burst into tears, and the three little faces wrinkled into a pair, and the three of them cried together, which made people feel heartbroken. Giving up maternal love in life will only suffocate the child. My parents also once asked me to consider giving up my goals. However, along the way, I still persisted in my study and work. Because I know that if I gave up my job and ideals at that time, I would definitely regret it in the future, and these regrets may turn into dissatisfaction and make me have a negative emotion of \”it\’s all because of you\” towards innocent children. , even blaming the children. It is natural for parents to \”dedicate themselves to their children and work hard\”, and it is also in line with the traditional Chinese thinking of \”sacrifice the small self to fulfill the greater self\”. Therefore, many parents may take the idea of ​​\”I gave up my life for my children\” as a matter of course. In fact, this is a paradoxical and vicious cycle. Many parents later regret and turn their original decision into a pair of extremely heavy shackles on their children, bringing them a certain amount of pain and guilt. The parents themselves also suffer from it, so they are trapped in this situation that they cannot extricate themselves from. In the whirlpool, reincarnation circulates. Love that suffocates each other is not love. The traditional virtue of sacrificing oneself to achieve the success of children not only fails to achieve success for the children, but also puts the children under great pressure and creates very unhappy parents. Unhappy parents will only create unhappy children. Happy parents will only have happy children – I firmly believe this. There is a very important concept in psychology called \”self-care\”. That means loving yourself well. Mother\’s happiness is the best gift for children. When we don\’t love ourselves enough, we are the first to collapse. This is just like the flight attendant who will emphasize when demonstrating flight safety: \”If there is an emergency, the adult should wear it first.\” Get an oxygen mask and put it on the child.\” If you are too busy taking care of yourself, how can you help others? However, parents always think of their children first and forget their own needs. Asian mothers especially don’t take enough care of themselves. There are cultural reasons and gender factors for this. Asian culture has always regarded sacrifice as a virtue and has given women the role of \”helping others as a virtue\”. Therefore, in Asia, mothers who completely sacrifice themselves for their children and family are highly praised and praised, but when we forget our own needs, for the sake of the whole worldSacrificing oneself will only result in physical and mental exhaustion. Everyone\’s endurance is limited. Once this bottom line is crossed, negative emotions will come back overwhelmingly, swallowing us up, and causing great trauma to ourselves and others. So since I know that working and studying will bring me fulfillment, confidence and happiness, I also believe that my seriousness is the best example for my children, and my happiness is the best gift for my children. Therefore, I stick to my decision and continue Pursue my ideals. Perhaps it is also because I am too busy to be \”always there\”, but instead I give my children the space they deserve, and they develop an independent, serious, and proactive personality very early. Along the way, of course there are times of fatigue and frustration. When I need a break, I often take a train out of the city from New York’s quaint Grand Central Station. I like to choose the northbound railway line along the Hudson Valley. This railway line is surrounded by mountains and rivers. It starts from the noisy midtown of Manhattan and rumbles underground in the dark for more than a few minutes before it emerges from the ground. Suddenly, the willows and flowers are dim, and the beautiful valley appears. It hits me, my arms are full, the river is vast and tidal, I ride on the clouds, carry the blue sky, ride on the sun and moon, and swim across the four seas. Looking at these mountains and rivers, the small setbacks at work, school, and family are really insignificant. The train drove rhythmically toward Canada in the north. The rails followed the mountains and drew an arc in the sky before falling lightly back to the river. I like to sit by the window and watch the river in front of my eyes spread out happily due to the vibration of the train wheels, with gentle ripples. It\’s like a girl\’s dimples sometimes encountering the sunset on the long river and the sunset. The Five Thousand Years of Chinese Characters documentary reveals the evolution of Chinese characters, 8 episodes in 720P. I will even open the window and watch the lanterns rise in the evening breeze. Being calm and self-sufficient is not selfish at all. This was only a short two hours, and I only brought myself and my own shadow. In fact, none of us are that great, enough to educate anyone. All parents can do is take care of themselves and take good care of themselves, so that they can have spare time to take care of their children. We are not all capable, but taking care of ourselves first is something we can all do. If fathers and mothers can live their lives well and don\’t give up on their dreams, the happier they are, the relationship with their children will be natural and beautiful. If there is a good parent-child relationship, the children will naturally grow up healthily!