What kind of children do you want to raise? What kind of person do you want to be first?

At a Chinese New Year dinner, a relative told me about the child he brought up. He said that at a young age he learned to tell people to \”get away\” (which means scolding \”get out\” in Sichuan dialect). Once, the child asked a guest at home to \”get away\”, and the guest faced him. Lu was not happy, so the relative quickly explained, \”The child is ignorant, why do you care about him? I have taken him for so long, and he often calls me to crawl. Why am I not angry?\” The relative is the child\’s grandmother, she said The child was beaming with joy. It seemed that such behavior was a sign of intelligence. It was no big deal. The child was young and naive, and it would be fine when he grew up. The child\’s grandfather added on the side: \”Well, he even asked me to get away, so I quickly apologized to him and said that grandpa was wrong.\” He laughed while talking, which seemed to be a very funny joke, \”Child Well, you have to coax me.\” These words surprised me and refreshed my perspective. The relative also explained why the child said \”crawl away\” because the child\’s father often said this to the child. Sometimes when the child annoyed his father, the father would point at the child and tell the child to \”crawl away.\” I see this little boy occasionally. He looks quite well-behaved, but he has an indescribable characteristic that is different from other people\’s children. He doesn\’t like to talk to others, is a little violent, and makes some shocking moves from time to time, such as sometimes The adults asked him friendly words, and he came over with a slap. It was impossible to judge his behavior using common sense, and over time, we were unwilling to tease him too much. As the saying goes, when you look old at the age of three, he already lacks the cuteness and innocence that should be expected at this age. He has been tainted with the dirt of the adult world early. The swear words coming out of his mouth, and the look of hostility to everything, it is difficult to imagine that he came from a person. Three year old child. I don\’t know what kind of person he will become later. In fact, he has gradually revealed the characteristics of his family. As you might imagine, this relative is the least popular with other relatives. It’s not that the other relatives are mean, but that this family is extremely selfish and ruthless. Everyone knows that giving red envelopes to children during the Chinese New Year is just to make the children happy. In fact, you have to pay back to others as much as you take from others. No one will take advantage of others, and no one is shameless enough to only take it without giving it back. But every Spring Festival, there are several dinner parties at home, but the children\’s parents never attend. Every year they say that something is going on, and it must be the children\’s grandma (the relative mentioned above) and grandfather who take the children to attend. As a result, they are given lucky money every year, and they can only go in and out of his house. When an elderly member of the family dies, relatives take the lead in organizing the funeral, and friends from other families give gifts, all of which are pocketed by his family. None of the relatives really cared about his family, so they became even more unscrupulous. The child\’s father has had a bad habit of petty theft since he was a child. Once, he used a stolen key to open the door of another relative\’s house and stole several thousand yuan in cash. The door was not broken and the lock was intact. The person who was robbed was puzzled, and only found out after asking the neighbors. , it was your nephew who came here, who is now the father of the child. The child\’s father has been taught by his mother since he was a child that to be an elf, the so-called elf is to learn to be opportunistic. What especially made me speechless was that she learned that her child had stolen something from outside, and she praised his child for being smart. One can imagine what kind of person a child who grows up in such a family environment will become. Many parents always react when they see other people’s children being sensible and polite.They looked aggrieved and said, \”My children are naturally naughty and difficult to discipline.\” They did not feel that their behavior had a subtle impact on their children. Children are naturally good at imitating, and any good or bad behavior you do will be imprinted on them. In eyes. I was deeply touched by a colleague\’s education of children. Whenever the children did something wrong, she would always reason with them in a soft-spoken voice, and she would neither scold nor hit her. I was curious and asked her, can such a young child understand you? Of course I can understand it. She said that children are smarter than you think. Even if she really doesn\’t understand, she must develop the habit of letting her listen to the truth. Moreover, it is a step-by-step process for a child to understand the truth. You always have to stimulate his perception in this regard, and you can’t tell which sentence he will understand in one day. You can’t expect you to never explain the truth to him. Suddenly, on a whim, I thought that he should understand the truth before explaining it to him. Do you still want to convince him? I have to believe her, because her child can really calm down when she talks sense and listen to her carefully. Her child is also polite, loves to read, is enthusiastic about people, loves to laugh, is exceptionally well-educated, and has given full play to her A child\’s powerful charisma. She is especially like her mother, gentle, reasonable, thoughtful, temperamental and talented. Nowadays, there are so many parenting books and various experts, which make many people think that educating children is a huge and complicated project. In fact, only those who have children know that educating children is not complicated, that is, leading by example. The difficulty lies in whether you Be able to restrain your bad emotions, clean up your bad habits, and become a better version of yourself. There is a saying that \”a son inherits his father\’s career.\” Putting aside special cases, we can always find in life that most children\’s careers are deeply affected by their parents\’ careers. For example, if parents are engaged in business, their children will also show talent for business from an early age; if their parents are engaged in art, their children will have talent as artists; if their parents are writers, their children will be able to compose from an early age. Looking at Yan Geling\’s works during this period, Baidu Encyclopedia shows: \”Yan Geling is a Chinese-American, a famous writer living in the United States, a famous American Chinese and English writer in the 21st century, and a professional Hollywood screenwriter.\” He has been gifted with writing since he was a child. At the age of 20 She published her first work and is now known as the first Chinese female writer. Looking at her speech, she was almost 60 years old and still moved with elegance. Later, when she looked at her resume, she discovered that Yan Geling had a writer father. Her father was good at painting, writing, and architecture. He was almost an all-rounder and had a profound influence on her. I think Yan Geling\’s example is good because becoming a writer is not only about career, but also about character and cultivation. Yan Geling also said: \”I am a writer brought up by my father. He gave me a good aesthetic sense, which I will benefit from for the rest of my life. My father\’s friends also have many profound literary attainments. They play with each other and compose poems and lyrics. Later, few people of our generation can achieve that kind of attainment and cannot play so elegantly.\” The process of raising children is, on the one hand, the process by which parents influence their children, and it is also the process by which parents purify themselves. Three American education experts wrote a book called \”Meet Children, Meet Better Yourself\”, which states: The reason why we become parents is not to write our children\’s lives, but to purify our hearts.Spirit, let us change ourselves from top to bottom. Only by understanding this can we have the opportunity to progress, grow, and mature. As our children grow up, our words and deeds are projected onto their behaviors and hearts, which will affect them throughout their lives. Some people always want to leave a lot of property to their children and plan their children\’s lives early. They seem to think that this is the best love for their children. In fact, the initial projection we give our children in life is the best we can give our children. Wealth, so the projection you want to give him must be what you want him to be. Some people say that children will always be exposed to the dirt of the adult world when they grow up. No matter how much we do, it will not help in the end. Why are we so persistent? I want to say that it is not the case. This society is full of unspoken rules, and there is no lack of darkness and filth. However, people\’s hearts need sunshine and positive energy. People can mix among uncultivated people, but they still need to be cultivated themselves. This cultivation is not only moral character, but also energy, spirit, and motivation. Even if we disappear from the world one day, when children encounter difficulties, they will still think of the words their parents told them and the behaviors they taught them. They will eventually find their inner strength and understand that their parents are the people who make them proud throughout their lives. . The kind of children you want to raise must first be the kind of person you want to be.