What kind of families do the top scorers in the college entrance examination come from?

Sister Li next door came to visit and discussed the problem of her son Yangyang. Sister Li brought Yangyang so that I could see the problem up close. Sure enough, after less than 10 minutes of homework, Yangyang sat in front of the table and looked around. The table had been tidied up, and he still did a lot of small tricks, such as picking and folding the corners of books, and he could play for a long time. Seeing that her son was not doing his homework seriously right under her nose, Sister Li inevitably started talking about Luo Yangyang again, and a \”mother-son\” war broke out at any time. Sister Li said irritably: \”How can I control this good-for-nothing guy? Now I just want him to have more self-control and stop being distracted.\” I can understand Sister Li\’s anxiety. The child has no self-control. If you can\’t control your behavior, not only will you be unable to complete your homework, but your studies will also decline. There will still be a long way to go to school in the future. Is it really true that you will be diverted after graduating from junior high school? Not concentrating is not just a matter of poor self-control. Many children have problems like Yang Yang. When they do homework, they either go to the toilet or play in various ways. Of course, many parents are just like Sister Li, helpless and irritable. When it comes to the problem of homework, the phenomenon of \”a mother is kind and her son is filial if she doesn\’t do homework, but everything goes crazy when she does homework\” can happen in every household. Parents think that children who do not concentrate on their homework have poor self-control and do not like to study. In fact, there are no children who are born not to like learning, and there are no people born with poor self-control. Some time ago I heard an argument about \”balanced development of two seeds\”. It was quite interesting. I would like to share it with you. Professor Chen Huichang, a well-known developmental psychologist and doctoral supervisor at the School of Psychology of Beijing Normal University, said: \”Every child has \’two seeds\’, which are self-control and initiative. If you want your children to maintain the most ideal state, they need two seeds.\” Every seed develops fully, harmoniously and balancedly.\” The self-control and initiative mentioned by Professor Chen are self-control and internal drive. Generally, children who can develop these two parts in a balanced manner are relatively good. My friend Zhang\’s daughter Xiaoting was admitted to her favorite normal school last year with a score of 629. She is one of the most independent children I know, and I can’t help but like her plans. Since she was a child, other children would play after school, but the first thing she did after school was to complete her homework for the day; while others hated those chemical formulas, she could find fun in experiments. What Xiaoting possesses is the simultaneous development of self-control and internal drive. If she only has self-control, then she may just be a person with mediocre grades and not very interested in learning; if she only has internal drive but no self-control, she may become a person who is anticlimactic and does things without three minutes of enthusiasm. For children, the balanced development of self-control and internal drive can lead to success in the future. As expressed in \”Self-Driven Growth\”: Children need to have independent motivation to achieve success in order to make this desire possible. Education is the ignition of a flame. Parents are always worried that their children don’t like learning. How can there be children who naturally don’t like learning? It’s just that the children don’t have a clear understanding of what they want to do and what they don’t want to do. What you want to do and what you don’t want to do correspond to self-drive and self-control. The latest and most complete in 2023 [Kindergarten, junior high school and high school] each subject and nameA complete directory of premium VIP courses for teachers, click to view now! There was a survey on the Internet about \”the top students in the college entrance examination\”. Among the 40 top students who participated in the survey, 65% of the students said that their parents \”always care about, but do not interfere\” with their studies. Why can these parents be so confident about their children? In addition to the internal drive and self-control of these top academics, they also have an inseparable relationship with their parents, which is also an important reason for their children\’s success. 1. Give respect and freedom. 65% of the parents of high school students \”always care about them but don\’t interfere\”. They seem to be letting go, but in fact they give their teenagers enough respect and freedom. Professor Chen Huichang also said: \”Respect does not mean doting, nor does it mean laissez-faire. Respecting children and cultivating children\’s self-control complement each other. If you want to cultivate children\’s conscious self-control, you must start with respecting the children.\” On the other hand, Sister Li and Son, why is Yangyang so easily distracted when doing homework when her mother is watching? It\’s because Sister Li \”monitors\” so well. Just imagine, what would happen if when you want to do something, there is always someone watching and guarding you, and from time to time, you have to find out the mistakes? I think most people will feel suffocated when they think of this scene. If they want their children to have self-control, parents must learn to let go and give them relative respect and freedom. 2. Start with interest. Interest is the best teacher. Edison invented the light bulb, and Newton discovered gravity after being hit by an apple… These future inventions and discoveries will not be born with them, but will come from what they are interested in. Something starts. If you are interested in something, you will involuntarily pay attention, research, and discover, and later you will connect the knowledge you have learned. Interest is the starting point for the development of internal drive. What parents have to do is to stimulate their children\’s interest. If you find that your child is interested in ants, but you insist on letting him go back and memorize the text, you will directly extinguish the flame of \”internal drive\”. Socrates said: \”Education is not indoctrination, but igniting a flame.\” A child\’s inner drive is this flame. Adults should help this flame burn brighter rather than extinguish it. Support children\’s interests and provide correct guidance, and there will be surprising results. 3. Set goals and gain a sense of accomplishment. When you were a child, the teacher asked you what your ideal was? Many people shouted: scientists, doctors, police, etc., but as a result, no one has really realized these ideals. When children are not clear enough about the big goal of \”ideal\”, parents should guide their children to set stage goals. Zhou Ling mentioned something in \”Cognitive Awakening\”. When my daughter was practicing piano, she made a mistake and always had to practice the entire section. The result was that every time she reached the wrong point, she had to disconnect. , and those who are proficient will become more and more proficient. Later, he changed large sections of exercises to only practice the wrong parts, and his daughter quickly became proficient in piano music. It is difficult to achieve a big goal at once. When you encounter difficulties, you will feel that the goal is getting further and further away, your enthusiasm will become less and less, and your internal drive will naturally be insufficient. But when big goals are set into small staged goals, children can easily achieve them and gain a sense of accomplishment. This sense of accomplishment, will fully mobilize the enthusiasm and self-confidence of young people. In this way, they can continue to devote more energy and enthusiasm to learning. In fact, most students don\’t like to do homework or study. On the one hand, it is due to the habitual intervention and management of their parents. On the other hand, it is always difficult for them to gain a sense of accomplishment and lack initiative. Self-control and internal drive are complementary to each other and indispensable for children. The purpose of education is not to train an obedient child, but to cultivate a conscious and proactive child. This is a good way to make parents relax, so you might as well try it!