What kind of parent-child companionship is effective?

In family education, parents must know the following four \”not equals\”: Treasure! How to Accompany Your Children\’s Growth – 108 Compulsory Courses Complete Download Parent-child Companionship, \”Presence\” Does Not Mean \”Presence\” I once received a consultation from a mother about why she took care of her children full-time, and also managed to read and tell stories with her children, but her children She still feels so insecure and is very tired of herself. She will cry if she can\’t see herself for a moment, \”I really don\’t know what\’s going on with the child.\” So I asked her a few questions, such as, what games do you usually play with your children and how do you play them? When reading with your children, do you turn your phone on silent or off, or will you be interrupted by phone calls at any time? She was embarrassed to tell me that she seemed to have never played games seriously with her children. As for reading with her children, she did not pay attention to or think about these details at all. Whether at home or in public places such as restaurants and stations, we often see parents checking their mobile phones and watching TV shows, while the children next to them can only play by themselves, either watching cartoons or playing mobile games. Scenes like this are typical of parents or adults raising children who are \”present\” but not \”in place\”. Because \”being present\” only means that you are \”personally present where things happen and are going on\”, but it does not mean that parents must be involved in the activities that their children are doing. But if parents are \”in place\”, it means that parents need to have as much emotionally invested, positive, long-term and sustained parent-child interaction with their children as possible. In such interactions, parents can truly fulfill their roles. The responsibilities and obligations of parents may even lead to a state of \”flow\”. When parents are truly \”in place\”, their companionship with their children is effective, and will allow children to develop a sense of trust and security from within, and establish a close attachment relationship with their parents, thereby enhancing the cohesion of a family and improving the The happiness of family members. Listening to children, \”listening\” does not mean \”understanding\”. In any communication, listening is the most important communication skill. Many times, parents only \”hear\” what their children say during parent-child communication, but do not truly \”understand\” the meaning of their children\’s words, let alone the hidden needs behind their children\’s language. I remember one time during an event, a friend brought his 5-year-old son over. At the beginning, the mother arranged for the child to watch from a distance, but after a while, when everyone was busy going back and forth, the child began to run over and circle around the mother, which not only interfered with the mother\’s thinking of work , and also made my mother panic from time to time because she almost touched him. After a while, my friend became impatient and wanted to lose his temper. Seeing the \”pitiful\” and somewhat innocent look in the child\’s eyes, I quickly signaled my friend to calm down. In fact, the child only develops fear when his mother leaves his sight, so he finds various reasons and excuses to stay close to his mother and not leave. In fact, many times, parents are often unable to calmly understand their children because they are stimulated by certain emotions by their children\’s behaviors. However, if they cannot understand the meaning behind their children\’s words and behaviors, it is easy to ignore or even criticize their children\’s real needs. Child, this is going to be longIn the past, it was easy to cause children to feel depressed, dissatisfied, cowardly and even angry. In severe cases, it would also lead to children choosing to take more extreme methods to attract the attention of adults. Therefore, when parents listen to their children, the most important thing is to \”understand\”. Only a child who can be understood regularly will develop a healthier personality. Understand cognition, \”memory\” is not the same as \”learning\”. Learning is the process of behavioral changes caused by individuals\’ acquired contact with the environment and gaining experience. It is the process of reorganizing the existing cognitive structure to accept new information and establishing a new cognitive structure. a process. Memory is the human brain’s way of remembering, retaining, reproducing or recognizing things that have been experienced. It is only a “cognitive aspect” of learning. In other words, if the child only memorizes some information, and this information does not act on the child\’s existing experience and form a new \”encoding system\”, it cannot be said that a \”learning process\” in the true sense has occurred. Because a meaningful learning process is inevitably accompanied by understanding and \”reconstruction\” completed with the help of understanding, which is a process that cannot be completed by simple memory. Therefore, on the one hand, parents should provide more opportunities to enrich their children’s experience through reading, traveling, participating in activities, etc.; on the other hand, parents should try to create as many opportunities as possible for their children to apply what they have learned. In real life, this will have a positive effect on children\’s cognitive development. When planning for the future, \”happiness\” does not equal \”success.\” Teacher Zhu Yongxin once said, \”A happy person must be a successful person, but a successful person is not necessarily happy.\” In other words, happiness is the greatest success in life. This sentence also points out the direction for parents to \”what kind of child they want to raise.\” Professor Xu Kaiwen once mentioned such a set of survey data in a public speech: among first-year students (undergraduates and graduate students) at Peking University, 30.4% of students hate learning or think that learning is meaningless; 40.4% of students think that there is no point in living. Meaning, some extreme people even want to give up on themselves. In the eyes of ordinary people, Peking University students, as the \”proud ones of heaven\”, should be very successful, but why do they still have such psychological problems? The most important reason is that families and schools only focus on scores and achievements during the growth of children, and lack guidance and help for children to think about the value and meaning of life. And if a child grows up in an environment that only focuses on \”achievement and scores\”, and grows up in an environment where competition is purely for scores and results and even by improper means, he will have an extremely strong sense of meaninglessness and even suffer from depression. On \”hollow disease\”. According to Maslow\’s hierarchy of needs theory, after people\’s basic survival needs are met, they will also have higher-level needs such as the need to be respected and self-actualization. Just like what Charlotte the spider said in the book \”Charlotte\’s Web\”: \”I build a web for you because I like you. Besides, what is life? We are born, we live for a while, We die. It is meaningless for a spider to spend its life just catching and eating flies. By helping you, I may be able to enhance the value of my life.\” It can be seen that the most meaningful thing in life is not to getIt is not about asking, but about giving and dedication to realize the value of your life. For parents, only by knowing these \”not equals\” can they find the most suitable state of getting along with their children with a more calm attitude and a more peaceful attitude, and then grow together with their children and build a happy life together. Life.