What kind of person do you want your child to be? What kind of words do you say?

Yale University psychologist John Barger conducted an experiment: He asked two groups of students to take two sets of test papers. One set was interspersed with words such as \”provocation,\” \”disturbing,\” \”illegal,\” and \”rude.\” One set was interspersed with words such as \”considerate,\” \”patient,\” \”courteous,\” and \”respect.\” After finishing the test paper, he asked the students to go to the office to talk to the tester, but the tester pretended to be talking to others and had no time to pay attention to these students. So what will happen at this time? Students who were induced by words such as \”rude\” and \”disturbing\” would impatiently interrupt the tester; while 82% of students who were induced by words such as \”polite\” and \”respect\” had been waiting quietly for the tester to talk to others. Finish. This experiment is the famous \”Yale University Induction Experiment.\” A few minutes of word guidance can change a person\’s behavior in an instant. What\’s more, what about the children who have been around you since childhood and grew up listening to what you said? Many times, what you say to your children inadvertently predicts their life\’s destiny. I have watched a video like this that is full of derogatory remarks about how difficult it is for children to become successful adults. A 7-year-old boy cried and said to the camera: \”Mom, I know my grades are not good, but I will work hard. Can you please stop calling me \’two hundred and five\’.\” You can feel the boy\’s sadness and sadness through the screen. Wronged. I have seen many similar parents who habitually deny their children based on the mentality of \”hoping for their children to become talented\”, hoping to encourage their children to do better. But as it is said in the book \”Toxic Parents\”: \”Children will not distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.\” The worst thing to do to destroy a child is The fastest way is to focus on his shortcomings and constantly belittle him. The CCTV program \”Psychological Interview\” once interviewed a girl who has been eating for ten years – Fan Chengjin. The 36-year-old has not looked for a job since graduating from college, but has confidently stayed at home and grown old. And the reason why she became like this is inseparable from her growth experience. When she was in junior high school, she loved painting and even designed clothes. But when she enthusiastically showed it to her parents, all she got was sarcasm: \”What\’s the use? Is it useful? Go read a book!\” She wanted to cook a meal for her family. Her parents also wanted to punish her: \”Why do you put so much water in the water? You can\’t even cook!\” After graduating from college, she also looked for a job, but when she repeatedly hit the wall, instead of comforting her, her parents were extremely sarcastic. : \”If you succeed in the future, I will kneel down to you!\” \”If you succeed, even dogs will succeed.\” In Fan Chengjin\’s eyes, he never received recognition and praise from his parents, only blows. As time went by, she became more and more inferior and suffered from severe psychological disorders. She did not dare to deal with others and completely gave up on herself. In psychology, there is a phenomenon of \”self-fulfilling prophecy\”. When parents belittle and attack their children, they will bring negative psychological implications to their children. Children will gradually believe these evaluations, unknowingly act in accordance with their parents\’ evaluations, and eventually make the predictions come true. Parents’ disparaging words are like an invisible knife, leaving deep scratches on children’s hearts and changing their life trajectories step by step. He\’s always complaining about how difficult it is for children to be happyDo you think the following words are familiar to you? \”It\’s so annoying. I\’m so busy every day and my salary is so low!\” \”I\’m so tired every day. Why can\’t you study hard and save me some trouble?\” \”Why do others live so well?!\” Many parents have questions about life. People are particularly sensitive to unhappiness and will unconsciously convey negative energy to family members around them. Among them, those who bear the brunt of the erosion are children whose brains are not yet fully developed and whose hearts are fragile. In \”Super Parent\”, there is a boy named Xuanxuan who is impressive. How parents should educate their children: A complete set of 10 children\’s education mobi+epub+azw3 Unlike other lively and active boys of the same age, Xuanxuan is not only timid and talkative, but also cautious in everything he does, which makes his mother very worried. . But after careful observation, the childcare provider discovered that the root cause of the child\’s problem lay with the mother. It turns out that my mother is a full-time housewife and is very tired and aggrieved on weekdays, so she always complains. When she was alone with her son, she complained: \”I tell you, it\’s so painful to be with you!\” \”I collapse when I see you. Can you disappear?\” Her father came back and was happily doing handicrafts with her son. She also wanted to interject: \”Can you take a break before doing it? You have to satisfy him with everything?\” \”I just can\’t bear to see you accompany me every day, and you don\’t even know how to say no?\” In my mother\’s mind, Amid the voices complaining every day, Xuanxuan became more and more introverted and silent all day long. I once heard a saying: \”Parents\’ complaints will leave gray areas in their children\’s hearts.\” Children are natural emotional receivers. Parents who love to complain and constantly transmit negative energy will make their children feel depressed, suffocated, and depressed. one slice. The attitude of parents towards the world is the attitude of their children towards the world. Children who are treated as \”trash cans\” by their parents end up living in a \”garbage heap\” and find it difficult to be optimistic. It’s difficult for children to be mentally full of anxiety. There is an eldest sister in Sunshine’s neighbor. Every time I see her picking up her daughter from school, she always keeps saying: Is there a lot of homework today? Did you understand everything the teacher said? Go home and memorize the words first, otherwise how can you improve your grades? I spent so much money on making up lessons for you, what should you do if you say you can’t pass the high school entrance examination? … That little girl is only in the second grade this year, but she always looks listless, with no smile on her face and no light in her eyes. To be honest, I really feel sorry for this little girl. At a young age, she was driven forward by her parents\’ anxieties. Not only was it difficult for her to appreciate the joy of childhood, she was also unable to feel her own value. In today\’s increasingly involutional educational environment, tense parents and an atmosphere of anxiety can easily create \”psychologically disabled\” children. In the TV series \”Tiger Mom and Cat Dad\”, the cat mother Shengnan tried her best to buy an expensive school district house with the savings of two generations, plus the money from selling the house, for the future of her daughter. In order to prevent his efforts from going to waste, Shengnan reminds his daughter every day, and he is full of anxiety when he speaks: \”You must be worthy of everyone who loves you.\” \”You must be worthy of this house.\”… Afraid that her daughter will follow her. Not attending a key primary schoolHe forced his daughter to exercise and eat food she didn\’t like. Once, she specially made an organic vegetable dish for her daughter. Her daughter only ate one bite because she didn\’t like it and spit it out. As a result, she lost her temper and forced her daughter to swallow the vegetables. When her husband stopped her, she yelled angrily: \”Do you know how much these vegetables cost per pound? Do you know that these vegetables are three times more expensive than ordinary vegetables?\” \”It\’s not easy for us to make money, but now we use all the delicious food. It\’s on her, why is she so ignorant…\” In the end, her excessive anxiety brought huge pressure to her daughter. Not only did her daughter fail to become a \”cow baby\”, she also suffered from depression and was unable to study and live normally. You know, if a child is surrounded by anxious voices, he will also become restless. His heart will be full of pain, but he has nowhere to escape. In the end, he can only attack himself inwardly and breed various psychological problems. Parents who talk about anxiety cannot raise children with psychological sunshine. What kind of words you say to your children will determine what kind of person they will become. I saw a story where a well-known male host talked about the turning point in his life on the show. He was very handsome when he was a child, but he was also very naughty. Once, he was called to the office by his teacher. The teacher said disdainfully: \”Do you think being good-looking is useful? You are so naughty, what\’s the difference between your head and that of a donkey?\” He felt very uncomfortable at the time and lowered his head deeply. From then on, he began to doubt himself, became sensitive and had low self-esteem. I don’t dare to wear new and beautiful clothes, I don’t dare to participate in any school activities, I don’t even dare to wear a red scarf, because I feel unworthy. It wasn\’t until he entered junior high school that he accidentally met a well-known local host teacher. After hearing his expressive ability and voice, the teacher said to him with certainty: \”Son, you are born to be a host.\” The words were like a thunder that split open his chaotic heart. From then on, he began to work tirelessly in this direction. After many years, he finally became an excellent host. The famous American adolescent scientist Adele Farber once said: \”Don\’t underestimate the impact of your words on a child\’s life.\” Language is powerful, and negative and negative language has great destructive power and will drag down the child\’s life. It leads the child to fall into the abyss; while positive and positive language will bring great energy to the child and lift the child to keep moving forward. Harvard goddess Zhan Qingyun transferred schools 6 times from elementary school to high school. Every time she went to a new school, her grades were at the bottom of the class. But Zhan Qingyun\’s mother has never complained about her daughter. Instead, she has been \”hinting\” her daughter: \”Mom has calculated it for you. By the fourth grade, you will become the best student in the school.\” \”Mom has calculated it again. , the time to become the first in grade is in the first grade of junior high school.\” Even if her wish failed time and time again, her mother always told her daughter firmly: You are the best. As a result, in his sophomore year of high school, Zhan Qingyun really became the number one in his grade. Author Honey Rubin famously said: “Be careful with your words, and they will become your actions; be careful with your actions, and they will become your habits; be careful with your habits, and they will become your character. Be careful with your character, it will become youfate. \”The same is true for educating children. What you say inadvertently will eventually become a prophecy for the children and affect their lives. Everyone has heard of the butterfly effect, right? A butterfly in the Amazon rainforest of South America, occasionally flapping its wings, can cause a tornado in Texas two weeks later. The same is true for what you say to your children. Those seemingly insignificant words and deeds will have a huge chain effect in the future. As the poet Angelo said: \”Words are Like a small energy bullet, it shoots into the realm of life that is invisible to the naked eye. Although we cannot see them, they become a kind of energy that fills the room, home, environment and our hearts. \”Whatever kind of person you want your child to be, just say what kind of words to him. Click \”Like\” and hope that we can all plant positive, positive and sunny words into the children\’s hearts and play a wonderful concerto of life. .