What parents and teachers should do when faced with school bullying

Some time ago, a video of a girl in school uniform being beaten by three girls from the same school in Mianyang, Sichuan was circulated online, attracting the attention of netizens. On the evening of November 20, the police reported: \”A 13-year-old girl was beaten for more than ten minutes. The attackers were students from the same school and all have been arrested. At present, the suspect has confessed to the fact of beating others, and the case is under investigation. In order to effectively prevent campus Bullying, the 45th meeting of the Standing Committee of the 15th Beijing Municipal People\’s Congress conducted the first review of the \”Beijing Regulations on the Protection of Minors (Revised Draft)\”, and \”prevention and control of school bullying\” was written into the revised draft. The revised draft is particularly It is proposed that the legitimate rights and interests of underage students and children in school and kindergarten should be protected. For example, schools and kindergartens should prevent and control campus bullying; prevent, intervene and correct bad behavior and serious bad behavior; prevent and deal with sexual assault, sexual harassment and other Behaviors that infringe on the physical and mental health of minors, etc. How to prevent, intervene and correct bad behaviors and serious bad behaviors in advance in real life? Why do underage children become violent or even violent? What should families and schools do? How to prevent children from becoming bullies? A healthy parent-child relationship is the key for children to stay away from bullying. Zhao Xia (Associate Researcher at the Institute of Children and Children, China Youth Research Center, Ph.D. in Psychology) The bullying behavior of minors is always the most painful. Bullying Those who make people feel chilling and regretful. Why do they become so violent? Only by understanding the reasons for the breeding of violence can we stop it in time and help children get out of the bullying behavior pattern. Aggression among children has already sprouted as early as infancy. It is often to snatch toys or other resources. At that time, aggressive behavior has a certain adaptability and universality, which is an opportunity for children to learn negotiation strategies. As they grow older, most children learn to resolve conflicts in a friendly way, but some A small number of children still show strong aggression, and even become accustomed to using aggression or violence to solve problems and become bullies. Needless to say, bullying has a certain genetic basis. Children who are born with a bad temper may always have higher aggression because They invariably trigger negative reactions from others, and these negative reactions in turn encourage hostility and aggression. But more importantly, the family environment breeds and condones the aggression in some children, making them bullies. The same bullies, they The family environment behind the scenes may be different. Some children are enveloped in tense family relationships. Their parents always quarrel or have cold wars, and are used to treating each other with ridicule, complaints, threats or even more violent ways. This makes the children very uncomfortable. Their behavior will become increasingly difficult to discipline. They naturally learn the attack mode, believing that only by attacking others can they gain benefits. They also believe that they have the ability to bully other children, and the submission of the bullied makes them feel happy and can even improve their self-esteem. . There are also some children who rarely get attention or praise from their parents at home. They can only get attention from their parents when they openly resist their parents, disobey discipline, or repeatedly engage in bad behavior, and their parents often forcefully oppress or resort to violence. These children often Hostile, suspicious and wary of others, prone to reacting to non-aggressive behaviors of othersand quickly retaliated with attacks. Behind the “bad kids” there are often “bad parents”. To address the root causes of school bullying, it is necessary to provide effective help and guidance to problematic families that breed bullies. A healthy parent-child relationship is a key factor in saving children from bullying. Only when parents actively change the way they treat their families and children, and truly care and understand their children, can they promote changes in their children. In addition, both parents and teachers need to know some ways to curb bullying in children. For younger children, prohibiting aggression that is too strict can be counterproductive. Ignoring some less serious aggressive behaviors can reduce the occurrence of aggressive behaviors; at the same time, children\’s cooperation, sharing, and helping behaviors should be positively reinforced, and they should be encouraged to choose non-aggressive ways to achieve personal goals or resolve conflicts. For older children, you can teach them how to control their anger and change their perception that \”others are hostile to me\”, such as diverting their attention in time, leaving the scene that makes them angry, allowing themselves to \”cool down\”, and Find non-aggressive ways to resolve conflicts. Parents cultivate themselves and build the first classroom in life with love Li Yanying (senior teacher at the Institute of Educational Sciences, Haidian District, Beijing) Compared with the indirect influence of violent movies and books on bullies, the native family is the direct driving force behind school bullying. Bullies usually have one thing in common: poor family education and lack of love education. If the native family does not give their children enough loving education, these children will lose their ability to love and empathize. Parents have an unshirkable responsibility in preventing student bullying. Legally speaking, parents are the guardians of their children; psychologically speaking, parents are the first objects of imitation and learning for their children. Many violent students come from violent families, and the words and deeds of some parents intentionally or unintentionally show their admiration for violence. The \”Family Education Promotion Law of the People\’s Republic of China\”, which will be implemented on January 1, 2022, proposes that cultivating moral character and cultivating people is the fundamental task of family education. As a parent, we must make it clear that the essence of family education is \”education as a human being.\” If a child is violent or prone to violence towards his peers, parents must not favor their child with a \”protecting the calf\” mentality. Parents must strengthen their children\’s ideological and moral education, legal education and mental health education, and guide their children to know etiquette, know right and wrong, and abide by rules from an early age, so that they can cherish life, respect others, be united and friendly, and not bully the weak. At the same time, parents should realize that in order to educate their children well, they must first educate themselves well. Faced with the moral quality issues behind campus bullying, perhaps the most important thing for family education to reflect on is not how to educate children, but parents need to first reflect on how to be themselves. Parents should take the initiative to explore the reasons for their children\’s violence, reflect on their own problems in educating their children, cultivate themselves, lead by example, distinguish right from wrong, convey correct values ​​​​and standards of good and evil to their children, and cooperate with teachers and schools in education and management. How can Duan Xinxing (Professor of China University of Mining and Technology, Ph.D. in Psychology from Beijing Normal University) prevent campus bullying by taking positive intervention measures from a legal and emotional perspective? oneIt is a legislative guarantee. Beijing has made a good start and has set an example for the whole country. The second is to keep the parent-child relationship open. When children are bullied, they can ask parents for help. The third is to strengthen the punishment of bullies. The current criminal law that imposes sentencing for intentional homicide to the age of 12 is an advancement in the judiciary and effectively prevents juvenile delinquency from doing whatever they want; fourth, parents must receive education. Behind the bully\’s children there must be parents\’ encouragement or indulgence. It is impossible to educate bullying children in a warm, democratic and boundary-bound family. The family is the first firewall and the first protection network for children\’s growth. Those families that prevent their children from suffering and uphold violent education will inevitably encourage their children to become violent. Children from violent and chaotic families are more likely to lack supervision and boundaries. They firmly believe that the jungle law of the jungle will strengthen children\’s bullying behavior. Most of these children have insecure attachment, lack a sense of belonging and security, and try to gain a sense of control through violence. Bullying allows them to gain a safe position among their peers. For this, you can use positive interventions and try to communicate with words like: \”Please use your words to express your feelings\” instead of saying \”Don\’t hit.\” Also show more kindness to them, as children Only when he feels that he has received enough attention and well-intentioned support will he be willing to examine his behavior or start to change his behavior. In addition, professional psychological support and intervention should be provided for uncontrollable violent behavior. Professor Li Meijin, Chen Xuefen (deputy secretary of the Party Committee and psychology teacher of Beijing No. 19 Middle School), a home-school-club co-manager, said that most children have bad tempers and aggressive behaviors due to the bad tempers of their main caregivers at home. Parents should reflect on themselves: Are they grumpy and ignited? Have you ever encountered a child losing his temper or making mistakes, and you have a habit of responding to violence with violence to make him remember it? This approach will only aggravate the child\’s violent tendencies and make him believe that anger and fists are very effective ways to solve problems. How should parents educate children with violent tendencies? First, adjust your own emotions first and avoid educating your children when you are angry. Parents should learn to calm down before trying to explain their thoughts and feelings in calm language, and rationally discuss solutions to problems with their children. Second, make a three-part agreement with your children and abide by the agreement. Every family member must actively create a harmonious and warm family atmosphere. No matter who yells or loses his temper, he must apologize and accept labor punishment. For example, a violent outburst requires three days of washing dishes or mopping the floor. If a parent commits a foul, he or she should sincerely apologize, set an example, and accept punishment. This allows the child to feel equality and respect, and is also a good example of behavioral learning. Third, improve children’s language expression ability. Children with poor language expression skills often become very irritable because they cannot express their thoughts and needs clearly, and adopt subconscious aggressive behaviors to solve problems. Parents can take their children to engage in more situational simulations and role-playing, so that children can understand how to express their emotions and choose the best solution. Fourth, find the best family upbringing method. We all know that authoritarian and violent family headsOlder children have no emotional outlets at home and will explode when they hold back their emotions to a certain extent; children who grow up in doting families are more likely to exhibit aggressive and bullying behaviors once they are restricted at school and unable to meet any of their own requirements. Therefore, parents must have love and a bottom line for their children. Schools have also done a lot to prevent and control campus bullying. We can strengthen the publicity of \”campus bullying response measures and self-protection methods\”, establish a long-term mechanism to curb campus bullying, and arrange one-on-one assistance from student cadres and teachers for \”hands-on\” students. Mental health education can also be strengthened through psychology classes, psychological societies and group psychological counseling to improve students\’ interpersonal skills. What is the best education for children? Famous educators reveal the secrets for you PDF Campus bullying is not only a problem for parents and schools, but also a problem for the entire society. Long-standing bad social trends such as whoever is strong and who is right also play a role in fueling the flames. Therefore, comprehensive efforts and global co-management are the best medicine to prevent and rectify school bullying.