What should I do if my 10-year-old child is fragile and cries?

I accidentally saw a video that reminded me of it for several days. A little girl who was only 4 or 5 years old practiced her speech in front of the mirror: \”People don\’t need to like you, they don\’t need to love you, they don\’t even need to respect you. But when you look in the mirror, you have to love what you see. Everything. Thank you to those who criticized me. Thank you.\” Seeing the confidence, pride and ambition of the little girl exuding, my heart was deeply touched. As a netizen commented: \”Don\’t ask for other people\’s likes, don\’t ask for other people\’s respect, and even thank those who criticize yourself. With this mentality, no one can stop this child from growing up.\” I deeply agree. . A child with inner strength, flexibility, and light will not be easily defeated no matter what he goes through in the future. I remember that Taleb, the author of \”Black Swan\”, once said: \”Everything presents three states to the outside world: fragile state, strong state, and anti-fragile state.\” For example, if a crystal ball falls on the ground and breaks easily, then It is fragile; if an iron ball falls on the ground and remains intact, it is strong; but if a snowball is thrown on the ground, it will roll bigger and bigger, so it is antifragile. Therefore, a truly outstanding and powerful child does not depend on how high his starting point is, but whether he has an \”anti-fragile\” physique. What is the difference between children with \”fragile\” constitution and \”anti-fragile\” constitution? I often see news like this on the Internet: Why is a 9-year-old boy unable to calculate 1+0=? He jumped off the building after being beaten and scolded by his aunt. A 12-year-old girl jumped to her death after her parents quarreled over her academic performance. A 9-year-old boy jumped to his death after leaving a suicide note for fear of being punished after breaking a glass window in his school. Many parents don\’t understand: Why do these trivial things become \”difficult obstacles\” for these children? In fact, American psychologist William James once said: \”Human beings can change their external lives by changing their inner mentality.\” In other words: it is not the event itself that crushes the child, but the child. views on it. Children\’s mentality when facing a bad situation is different, resulting in different results. A boy from Chengdu suffered from depression and self-mutilation because his name contained \”Kun\” and was often teased by his classmates as \”Brother Chicken\”. He even became tired of studying. to the opposite. A 16-year-old girl raised 500,000 yuan from crowdfunding to climb Mount Everest, and netizens repeatedly asked her, \”Why don\’t you die?\” The girl was not seriously hurt by this. Instead, she told reporters calmly and soberly: \”I am 16 years old, and it is also the age where I should take responsibility. Crowdfunding is my own choice, and I should be responsible for what happens next. If you listen to the world If we try to live with the voice of others, then everyone may not be able to survive.” Faced with online violence, a boy in Chengdu became depressed and injured, but a 16-year-old girl used her calm sense and magnanimity to give those who bullied her a beautiful life. Fight back. I remember that my cousin lost two fingers in an accident when he was in the second grade of junior high school. Since then, my cousin has become sensitive and irritable. He dare not go to school or interact with others, and he often loses his temper with his family. But Xiong Wanqing, a Tibetan girl who has a disability like him, is very different. Xiong Wanqing was born with missing left hand, butNever shy away or feel inferior. She lives like every ordinary child, and even does housework, makes dumplings, sews socks, and takes care of her sister… An innocent little sister asked her: \”Sister, what\’s wrong with your hands?\” She replied generously and calmly. : \”This is innate.\” When she encounters other people\’s strange looks and malicious ridicule, she will explain herself in her heart: \”We can\’t control other people\’s mouths, but we can strengthen our own hearts. I can do what everyone else can do, and everyone can do it.\” If I don’t know how to do it, I will do it again.” Wang Shuo once said to his daughter: “Being as strong as a bastard is more important than anything else.” This is indeed the case. A child with a strong heart and an \”anti-fragile\” constitution will accept all the dissatisfactions in life calmly. They will not give up on themselves, limit themselves, let their lives be shadowed, and will not go to extremes. Their optimism, calmness, confidence and bravery will help them make a beautiful turnaround no matter what adversity they find themselves in. How to cultivate children\’s \”anti-fragile\” physique. A British psychologist discovered through long-term experiments: \”Everyone is born with a certain degree of psychological flexibility potential, and it can be learned and improved through acquisition.\” In other words: whether children can Having an \”anti-fragile\” physique is closely related to family education. 1. Carve a growth mindset into children’s bones. Many foreign kindergartens and primary schools have these two pictures hanging on them. One picture shows a child with a growth mindset. They always look at problems like this: I can always do better than I am now. When encountering difficulties, I can persevere. I can learn from my mistakes. I can learn anything I want to learn. I am inspired by the success of others. I like challenges. One picture shows a child with a fixed mindset. They face the problem like this: I don’t want to be seen as a failure. I\’m either good at something or I\’m not. When encountering difficulties, I will choose to give up. I don\’t like to hear criticism. I don\’t like pushing the boundaries of what I can do. When I fail, I feel like I am worthless. I feel threatened by other people\’s success. Comparing the two sides, we will find that children with a growth mindset are optimistic, hard-working, and able to persevere. Children with a fixed mindset are negative, stuck in their ways, and do not believe in the meaning of hard work and persistence. There is a saying: \”Attitude determines destiny.\” Each child looks at the problem from a different perspective, takes different actions, and obtains completely different results. Nibo Zang, the father of mind mapping, encountered great resistance to learning when he was a sophomore in college. He wanted to find out how to use his brain efficiently, but he couldn\’t find it after rummaging through the library. He was frustrated, but then he thought: Since there were no books on how to use the brain, there was research potential in this area. So he began to learn various brain-related knowledge, and finally found a breakthrough solution-simulating the divergent structure of the brain and drawing mind maps. Therefore, we must engrave growth thinking into the bones of our children. Because, like Nibozan, children with a growth mindset will never be intimidated by difficulties, always dare to meet new challenges, and turn crises into opportunities. 2. Let children learn to solve problems on their ownSeeing this scene: the child\’s shoelaces are untied, and the parents quickly squat down to help the child tie them. When a child has a conflict with another child, the parents directly interfere in the mediation without asking the reason. When a child wants to wash the dishes, the parents are worried that the child will not be able to wash them cleanly or will drop the bowl, so they quickly stop him. Parents always like to solve problems and clear obstacles for their children. As everyone knows, the research results of American psychologists show: \”Whether a child can successfully solve problems depends more on his experience rather than his intelligence.\” Parents\’ care and protection, to a certain extent, actually deprive children of their ability to solve problems. Opportunities and abilities to solve problems yourself. A mother who sells pineapples has never gone to school and does not know how to teach her daughter well. The only thing she did for her daughter was to let her learn from life. Her daughter didn’t know how to cut a pineapple, so she showed her how to do it and let her try to cut it herself. Her daughter wanted to eat ice cream, but she had no money to buy it, so she helped her daughter make pineapple ice cream. When her daughter failed to sell the pineapple ice cream, she asked her to go to the vegetable market to learn how to sell pineapples. Through observation and study, my daughter learned to make posters, learn to hawk, and successfully sold pineapple ice cream. The daughter smiled happily and contentedly. The mother was also pleased to see her daughter learn to solve problems independently from the experience. Child psychologist Dr. Schur found in his research: \”Children who have strong problem-solving skills are less likely to lose their temper when things don\’t go their way, are quicker to proactively think about solutions, and are more caring about others. They are more willing to share, more abiding by rules, and more able to make friends.\” As children grow up, they encounter far more problems than we imagine. If we always solve problems for our children, the children will always have endless problems to solve. Only by learning to let go and letting children learn to solve problems on their own can children get rid of their dependence, learn to be independent, and strengthen their inner world. 3. Frequently take your children to climb mountains, go hiking, and participate in competitive competitions. Bill Gates once said to his daughter: \”No matter you encounter congenital defects or acquired setbacks, don\’t pity yourself, but grit your teeth and endure.\” Live and move forward bravely like a lion.\” Unfortunately, a comfortable environment and a pleasant life can hardly help our children develop a strong will. If we want to hone our children\’s will, it is better to take them to climb mountains, hike more, and participate in more competitive competitions, so that children can feel the pain of hardships and challenges, and learn how to overcome fear, how to persevere, how to fight, and how to lose decently. and win. Zhang Wei, a father born in the 1980s, once took his 12-year-old son Tutu to hike the 1,700-kilometer Sichuan-Tibet Line in 50 days. The son proudly wrote in his diary: \”From an altitude of 4,200 meters to 600 meters, snowy mountains, grasslands, rainforests, waterfalls, streams, blue skies, white clouds, only the brave can enjoy it all.\” NBA player Jenkins once said in an interview He said: \”We must learn to get better from the game. Adversity will bring out the best in us.\” Teacher Yang Xia, a psychology professor at Peking University, said in \”Being Able to Surpass Without Jumping Start\”: \”Children don\’t want to do homework. , let him go climbing. When the child encounters a setback, let him goclimb mountains. Climbing mountains can not only rest the brain, improve children\’s attention, exercise children\’s self-control ability, but also regulate children\’s emotions. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Most importantly, mountain climbing can give children a visual goal. After climbing to the top of the mountain, the feeling of seeing all the small mountains at a glance gives children a sense of accomplishment, a sense of purpose, and a sense of self-affirmation that is irreplaceable. \”One training is worth 10,000 lectures. Only by letting children truly feel it and make breakthroughs in a down-to-earth manner can children continue to strengthen their hearts and have the confidence and courage to overcome everything. 4. Parents should correctly define success and failure. Teacher He Lingfeng once said He did something that I particularly admired. Once, his daughter scored 59 points in a math test and required a signature from her parents. The daughter did not dare to show the results to her mother, so she covered the results with her hand and asked teacher He Lingfeng to sign. He Lingfeng The teacher could see through his daughter\’s thoughts at a glance, but he did not force her to take her hands away. Instead, he gently discussed with her: \”Let\’s do this. No matter how ugly your score is, daddy promises not to talk about you. After his daughter took her hand away, teacher He Lingfeng saw the score was 59. After taking a deep breath, he calmly asked his daughter: \”What score did the student with the best score get?\” \”\”100 points. \”How many 100 points are there?\” \”Many.\” After listening to his daughter\’s words, teacher He Lingfeng did not ask her daughter, \”Why did you only get such a few points in the test?\” nor did he scold her daughter for \”not living up to expectations.\” Instead, he gently gave her daughter an objective analysis: \”The test scores are so low.\” For selection tests and diagnostic tests. The high school entrance examination is a selective test, and the usual examinations are diagnostic tests. Those students who scored 100 points had no need to take the diagnostic test because they did not diagnose any problems. You are different. You have diagnosed the 41-point problem. If you find the 41-point problem, you are the biggest beneficiary of this exam. \”Teacher He Lingfeng\’s words have benefited me a lot. In fact, the attitude of parents towards success and failure is the attitude of children towards success and failure. Parents blindly force their children to succeed, putting achievements more important than hard work, and success than growth. If it is important, children will be afraid of failure and challenges. But if parents first accept their children\’s failure, look at it from a developmental perspective, and guide their children to turn failure into motivation for moving forward, only then will their children have the courage to stand up and the will to succeed after failure. Motivation. Kazuo Inamori once said: “The difference between successful people and non-successful people is just a hair. The key is that when you encounter a huge obstacle that you have never seen before, like a cliff, at that moment, can you say to yourself, \”I will definitely be able to overcome it\” and take the first step. \”A child\’s growth will inevitably have some twists and turns. How to face these twists and turns will determine the success or failure of the child\’s future life. Cultivate the child\’s \”anti-fragile\” physique as early as possible, so that the child can learn to deal with the past with satisfaction and feel the present happily. Only by facing the future with optimism can our children truly be invincible.