What should I do if my baby has no independent opinion and always tries to learn from others?

A mother said: \”My daughter is in the third grade, and I find that she is very opinionated. Several times when I saw several of their classmates playing together, she would play along with what others told her to play, and would not express her own ideas. It was clear that she didn\’t want to do that, but in the end she did it anyway. She was also taught that she should express her thoughts and speak out boldly if she had different opinions when getting along with her classmates. But it didn\’t work. She is now It’s still like this, nothing has changed. I really don’t know what to do!” Many mothers around me have complained about their children’s lack of opinion. Seeing the \”cowardly\” look of the child made me very angry. Many parents think that everything is their children\’s problem. I don\’t think so. In addition to some genetic factors, it is more the environment and education that affect children. If your child is also a \”no-opinion\” person, you might as well think about this question first: Does he have the opportunity to deal with problems alone at home? this point is very important. Some parents habitually do everything for their children, and their children do not need to think about anything except studying. There are many things that children have not only never done, but have never even thought about, and parents have arranged them properly for their children. Children who grow up in this kind of environment are unlikely to have independent opinions when doing things. This is how American mothers teach self-confidence pdf electronic version download. In response to this situation, parents are advised to break the idea that \”children don\’t need to care about anything except learning.\” Usually create more opportunities for children to deal with problems on their own. For example, you can give your children the task of choosing ingredients for dinner on weekends. Tell your children what your budget is, and then take them to the supermarket to shop together. As for what to buy, let the children decide for themselves. He may not be thoughtful when choosing ingredients. For example, he bought celery but not pork. At this time, you can give him a reminder: \”If you fry celery without pork, it may not taste very good. Do you want to buy some meat?\” It doesn\’t matter whether the child listens to the advice in the end, don\’t interfere too much. Of course, I am just giving an example. You can give your children authority over anything. As long as you feel that the child is capable of completing it (even if he does not do it very well), you can leave it to him. When children can often handle some things on their own in life, they will gradually develop their own opinions. We always say we should let go, but just shouting slogans is definitely not enough. We must be willing to let our children try more and practice more. Secondly, let’s think about another question: Do parents allow their children to make their own decisions? Some mothers are very controlling and rarely allow their children to make their own decisions. Sometimes you let your children make their own choices on the surface, but you always find ways to convince your children to listen to you. Of course, these mothers probably feel that their children are still young and cannot handle many things well. They are experienced people and can see further and more thoroughly than their children. This idea does make sense. However, when a child\’s ideas are always denied, he will subconsciously think that his own ideas are always wrong and unimportant. Only by listening to other people\’s opinions and ideas is it safe and can he get the approval of others. and recognition. Just imagine, an idea is always not respectedHow can a child who values ​​​​and affirmation have his own opinion? We can\’t ask our children to be obedient in everything, but at the same time think that our children have no independent opinions in doing things! Let’s take my colleague’s sister’s house as an example. Every time her child sees something she likes in the photo, she will object and ask her to buy it according to her preferences. If the child has a different opinion, she will talk a lot of reasons to convince the child until the child listens to her opinion. Once, a colleague agreed to buy a birthday gift for his niece. The child was very excited after hearing his uncle\’s promise and picked out his favorite things in advance. There are Internet celebrity schoolbags, notebooks, quicksand pens, markers… After choosing the gifts, the child is very happy and looking forward to her birthday. She sends WeChat messages to her uncle every now and then to \”remind\” her uncle that her birthday is coming soon. When it was time to buy gifts, my colleague thought of asking the children if there had been any changes to the gifts they had previously chosen. Because the child was only in third grade and did not have his own mobile phone, he sent his sister a WeChat message. Now his sister knew it and immediately told him: \”Don\’t buy these for her. The things she chose are expensive and impractical. I still need to buy seven or eight pencil cases, as well as those quicksand pens and notebooks. They are everywhere at home. Don’t listen to her. If you want to buy her a gift, just listen to me. I’ll tell you what to buy later.” Finally, his sister sent him a few links and told him that these were the children’s new choices. At this time, the child sent a voice message saying: \”Uncle, just buy what mom chose! I also like these things!\” The colleague clearly heard the grievance and unhappiness in the child\’s tone, and said, \”It doesn\’t matter. You don’t have to listen to your mother. If you like the gift I chose before, I’ll buy it for you.” As a result, the child actually persuaded him in turn: “No, just buy the one Mom chose! I also think the one Mom chose is pretty good. , My sister also thinks it looks pretty!” In the end, my colleague could only buy the children what his sister had chosen. I think many mothers may have done something similar, always habitually denying their children\’s ideas and thinking that their own choice is the best. However, children are not robots, without feelings or thoughts. They definitely have their own ideas. It\’s just that many times the \”exclusive rule\” of parents makes them lose the courage to make their own decisions! Therefore, don’t always deny your children’s ideas, even if they are not very mature. On the premise of not violating the principles, it is absolutely possible to give children a certain right to choose. Just like buying shoes, if your child wants to buy white ones, then buy them white ones! Even if you are worried about white shoes not being able to withstand stains, you can explain the pros and cons and let him make his own decision. Some mothers may say: \”Of course it doesn\’t matter to him. He doesn\’t need to clean the shoes. If they are dirty, I have to wash them!\” This again involves the issue of how to communicate with the children. We can ask our children to take responsibility for their own choices and tell them that they can choose to buy white shoes, but they have to clean them themselves if they are dirty. If he doesn\’t want to take on the responsibility, tell him that it won\’t be so easy to make the decision next time. In fact, after we explain all the issues clearly, the children will definitely consider the issues we mentioned when making choices. Many times children are not as disobedient as we think! Written at the end: Children’s lack of self-confidence may also lead toHe lacks initiative in doing things. This requires us to pay more attention to cultivating children\’s self-confidence in daily life.