What should I do if my child has a bad temper and is irritable? This will do it

\”Whole Brain Parenting: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Expand Children\’s Thinking\” The human brain is a complex system. The more we understand about it, the more possibilities our lives will have. The two authors of this book, Siegel and Bryson, are both experts in the field of child education. They start from the brain and look at parenting issues from a new perspective, providing parents with practical and effective methods to solve daily problems. In the previous morning reading, we introduced some content in the book. This time, we will look at how to integrate children\’s upper and lower brains to let them control their anger. ①\”Upper and Lower Brains\” Every parent has seen the anger of their children. For example, when they go to a shopping mall, their children fall in love with seven dolls of different colors and insist on buying them all, otherwise they will cry loudly and never give up. . But there are exceptions, such as when a child cries and wants to go to the zoo, but the parent is not available. After some persuasion, the child compromises. So, what makes children wise and rational at certain times, but unrelenting at other times? The answer to this question lies in the working mechanism of the upper and lower brains. There are many ways to classify the brain. In addition to the common \”left and right brains\”, there are also \”upper and lower brains\”. Among them, the upper brain consists of the cerebral cortex and its various parts. It is characterized by a high degree of evolution and is good at thinking, imagining and planning, which allows people to view the world from a more comprehensive perspective. The lower brain, including the brainstem and limbic areas, is less evolved and is mainly responsible for basic functions, innate reactions and strong emotions, such as breathing, fighting and anger. The brain operates best when the upper brain and lower brain are integrated and work together. When a child is born, the lower brain is already well developed, but the upper brain still has a long development process, and it usually takes until the child is in his twenties to fully mature. In other words, when parents hope that their children will become rational and be able to control their emotions, they actually want their children\’s upper brain to function. The upper brain has not yet developed well, so how can it be integrated with the lower brain? The key point is that parents can stimulate the potential of this part of the brain and help their children behave appropriately. Let’s take a look at how parents can help their children control anger by integrating their upper and lower brains in daily life. ② \”Drug the temper\” After understanding the relevant knowledge of the \”upper and lower brains\”, we can divide children\’s temper into two types: upper-level anger and lower-level anger. The upper level anger is controlled by the upper level brain, which makes the child decide to lose his temper, consciously fight to the end, and not give up until the goal is achieved. At this time, you can see the child\’s stubborn and persistent side. For example, as mentioned earlier, the child wanted to buy seven dolls of different colors. In order to achieve this goal, he kept crying and \”blackmailing\” his parents. In this case, the child is acting strategically and knows what he is doing. Therefore, when a child is very determined to keep making trouble, it is often the result of anger from above. In this case, the best way for parents to deal with it is to set firm boundaries using the sentence \”if… then…\”. For example, say to a child,\”You can only choose one of them. If you insist on seven, you will have none.\” If the child still refuses to compromise, parents must keep their word. Children will stop when they know that not only does it not work, but it may also lead to serious consequences. However, when parents face the anger of the lower class, they need to take different measures. Lower level anger is an out-of-control state. At this time, the child is upset, unable to control his body and emotions, and becomes crazy, such as throwing things, hitting people, screaming, etc. At this time, parents should give their children more patience and comfort. For example, after a child\’s idea of ​​going to the zoo was blocked, he became very angry. While crying, he rushed over and beat his parents with his fists. At this time, parents can caress the child first, and then calmly explain the reasons to calm his emotions. When the child is freed from the lower-level anger and the upper-level brain re-involves and is not so excited and crazy, it can use logic and reason to solve the problem and talk about whether the child\’s behavior is appropriate and the consequences, such as, \”Mom and Dad have to go to work.\” , if you go to the zoo now, the work will not be completed.\” In summary, understanding the \”upper and lower brains\” and the related types of anger can help parents teach their children more effectively and help them deal with angry emotions. If you really can\’t tell the type of anger in your child, then use a two-pronged approach. First caress and comfort. If there is no improvement, then set boundaries and use \”if… then…\” sentences to show punishment.