What should I do if my child has a bad temper? Look at Huang Lei’s trick!

The first round of listening and empathizing with the child\’s emotions is exactly what happened during the terrible two (terrible two-year-old rebellious period) in the legend of Duoduo. Huang Lei and his wife picked up Duoduo from school, and the family happily drove on the way home. They passed a McDonald\’s on the way. Every time Duoduo saw a McDonald\’s, he and his father would shout \”McDonald\’s\” a few times. It seemed like it was an interesting game. But after shouting this time, Duoduo burst into tears and asked her what was wrong. She just cried: \”I don\’t eat McDonald\’s!\”, which confused her parents. \”Duo\’er, don\’t eat. No one asked you to eat McDonald\’s. We don\’t eat McDonald\’s.\” Dad had no choice but to agree with her first. But Duoduo seemed to be possessed. No matter what his parents said, he continued to cry the same sentence: \”Don\’t eat, I don\’t eat McDonald\’s!\” \”Duoduo, tell dad what\’s wrong?\” \”Where is it?\” Are you feeling uncomfortable? Tell your mother, okay?\” \”Duoduo, don\’t cry, tell me if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy\”… What the couple did at this time was completely following the standard procedure of \”dealing with children\’s emotions\” in psychology. : They are very willing to listen to the child\’s feelings, encourage the child to express, and tell the child that crying is useless, you have to speak out; they also try to understand the child, guess the child\’s inner feelings, and help her express it. \”Are you feeling uncomfortable somewhere?\” \”Yes, we don\’t eat McDonald\’s.\” This method is enough for the general crying of children. But I don’t know what happened that day. All these communication skills were completely useless. Like all anxious parents, the couple began to collapse. All they could think about was \”Please stop crying.\” Their tone became increasingly impatient: \”Okay, baby, stop crying.\” \”Okay, don\’t cry.\” Crying.\” \”Don\’t cry!\”… Just like this, the couple said something to each other, and the whole family was completely at a deadlock, but Duoduo cried harder and harder. In the second round, only by stabilizing his own emotions could he stabilize his child\’s emotions. Huang Lei had no choice but to stop the car and carry Duoduo to the roadside. His daughter stopped crying, but she was still angry with her parents, looking into the distance, as if she had died heroically. little warrior. Dan\’s mother felt that Huang Lei\’s move of picking up the child and getting out of the car was very right: when the child is messy, parents should not be messy. Instead of being in a stalemate with each other, it is better to stop what you are doing, change places, change your mood, and let each other calm down. Only by stabilizing your own emotions can you stabilize your child\’s emotions. At this time, the couple had calmed down from the collapse in the car. Faced with their daughter\’s strange behavior, they were not angry: \”Why is the child like this!\”, but they trusted that the child would not make trouble unreasonably and wondered, \”What on earth is wrong with the child?\” ?\” With this kind of trust and doubt, the two squatted down and looked at their daughter together, and asked patiently again: \”Duo\’er, tell your parents, what\’s wrong with you?\” Duoduo still didn\’t answer, just looked at her. Traffic. Huang Lei later described his daughter\’s expression as if they had done something sorry for her. It was midsummer and the weather was hot. The young parents were faced with a two-and-a-half-year-old daughter, standing at a loss on the traffic-jammed streets of Beijing… Seeing this, Dan\’s mother thought, this kind of \”bewildered\” \”The mood is really the only way for every parent to go through. when a childCrying inexplicably, when the child refuses to listen to our words, when we feel like we can’t understand this child who was clearly born from our wombs. We were angry because our children were disobedient, and even more angry because at that moment, we seemed to have lost control of our closest children and were full of frustration with ourselves. In the third round, when all communication failed and only trust, companionship, and waiting were available, Huang Lei and his wife suggested that Duoduo calm down. He calmly and sincerely said to his daughter who was only two and a half years old: \”Duoduo, Huang Yici, think about it for yourself. If you cry unreasonably, it is wrong. If you are wrong, just hug your parents. Okay. \”Huang Lei said that this method of giving children a step down was very effective for Duoduo before, but this time Duoduo continued to remain silent. So the couple got up, but they did not leave. Instead, they stood quietly and looked at their daughter with concern. They are neither prepared to compromise unprincipledly, nor do they want to beat or scold their children to force them to admit their mistakes. At this moment, the daughter did something that her parents never thought of – she walked away without even saying hello! Huang Lei said that both of them were confused at the time, but decided not to stop their daughter as long as she was within their sight and pursuit range. Every time a child cries and is willful, it challenges and tests the parents\’ trust in them. And Huang Lei told himself in his heart that his daughter was trustworthy. Finally, Duoduo turned his back to his parents and stopped at a telephone pole about twenty meters away from his parents. A child of only two and a half years old stood alone on the street without her parents, but she was calm and completely independent. Time passed little by little, her parents were waiting for her to come back, and she was waiting for her parents to pass by. In this psychological war between parents and children, each is waiting for who will compromise first. Huang Lei said that in those short few minutes, he realized: Duoduo has grown up! She already had her own ideas, but she didn\’t know how to express them in words, so she had to declare her independence by \”losing her temper\”. In the end, parents are defeated by their children. Huang Lei walked over and stretched out his hand to his daughter, and Duoduo took his father\’s hand without hesitation. At that moment, he said that his heart was filled with unspeakable love and touch. He silently said to himself in his heart: \”I will always love that The child on the roadside, whether she will come to me or not.\” Every time I see this paragraph, Dan’s mother is particularly moved, and her eyes even turn red. As a parent, perhaps the cruelest truth you have to accept is: parents can never control their children. Faced with her children\’s \”temper\” and \”stubbornness\”, Dan\’s mother really can\’t think of any panacea that works all the time. All we can do is like Huang Lei: ● Change what can be changed first, and listen again and again: \” Tell dad what\’s wrong?\” To guide: \”Speak out if you feel uncomfortable.\” To empathize: \”Yes, we don\’t eat McDonald\’s.\” Use our calmness to awaken the child\’s reason, and use our understanding to awaken the child\’s growth. ● Accept what cannot be changed. When your child insists on going his own way, wait patiently, accept it, and accompany him. Companionship does not mean leaving the child aside and ignoring the child\’s emotions. Instead, like Huang Lei, he stood quietlyNext, accept the child\’s naivety with concerned eyes and a trusting attitude, and wait for the child to calm down. Don\’t always regard \”the child crying\” as your responsibility, and your failure to comfort the child as your incompetence. Maybe we can be like Huang Lei and record every childish moment with a relaxed attitude. I think the reason why he took these photos must be that he felt more funny when watching Duoduo cry. , fun, loving, rather than frustrating. If you look at your child\’s \”temper\” from another angle, it may not be so annoying after all. The reason why a child can grow from a crying \”little monster\” to a well-behaved and considerate \”little angel\” like Duoduo now is definitely inseparable from the patience and love of parents in raising children, let alone the presence of parents in raising children. The mind and wisdom when facing children\’s willfulness. Let us be like Huang Lei, facing that stubborn child with a \”bad temper\”, we still walk over and reach out our hands. Don\’t be anxious or take it seriously, because only love can make a person better.