What should I do if my child is afraid of losing? She sheds tears and loses her temper when she loses…

A few days ago, a mother wrote to say that her son, who had just entered elementary school, was playing chess with his father. It was originally a very happy family time, but it changed because my father won two games of chess. Dad was reasoning there, saying that the winner is the king and the loser is the enemy. If you lose, you lose. A man must be able to afford to lose. But my son was crying and losing his temper, not listening at all, and looked very aggrieved. My mother was standing by and didn’t know what to do. She said she really didn’t understand that children would care so much about winning or losing? Many mothers also told me that boys are always afraid of losing and cannot afford to lose, and asked me to recommend books on cultivating children’s reverse quotient. I often encounter this situation myself. This was how I used to play chess with Xiao Xiaoyu. Some time ago, I took him home. In the community, he said it was a competition to see who would go home first. I was riding my bike in front, and I didn’t slow down as I was rushing home that day. When I waited at the door for him to come running, he was already very angry. \”Go back, go back!\” they were crying and shouting. I just waited for him to express his emotions. After he calmed down, I told him that I had something to do at home today, and my speed became super fast. Another round tomorrow. Finally, he reluctantly agreed to go home, but he still didn\’t want to talk to me. It was only during dinner that they reconciled. Faced with this question, I think there is no standard answer. Because growth is gradual, after a certain age, a child\’s ability to accept failure will increase. But one of the major influencing factors is parents, and this is what we can do. If parents do the right thing, children with healthy mental development will continue to increase their ability to tolerate setbacks. If parents always make mistakes, it will make their children have low self-esteem, dare not accept challenges, and be afraid of failure. Here are three suggestions for you: Don’t praise your children falsely. Why do many children have poor ability to resist setbacks? This is inseparable from the fact that children have been praised like stars and moons since childhood. You will often see a family gathered around their children saying how great you are! Especially for the elderly, their grandchildren are treasures and cannot be beaten or scolded, they must be coaxed. Grandparents’ coaxing love is sweet. But it becomes harmful if it becomes doting. For example, when a child plays a game with his grandfather and pulls out a piece of his grandfather\’s beard, it is out of curiosity and fun. But the child\’s first action was to slap his grandfather, then hit him with a hammer, and then spit on him. Do you still praise your child for doing well? Then he will deal with his friends like this next time. There are also children who drew a picture for adults to see. The adults just praise, \”My baby is so smart!\” without even looking carefully. In fact, what the child needs is for you to look at his painting and talk about it with him, not for your praise. Moreover, your praise will also make your children addicted. They begin to need to be praised for everything they do. If you don’t praise me, I won’t do it. If you don\’t praise me, you don\’t love me. If this child goes to school or outside, he will definitely not be popular. Because no one will praise him like his family members! When you scold him, even if you say he is not, he feels like the sky is falling. Always pay active attention to your children and affirm them. See his strengths, appreciate his good behavior, and accept his children\’s shortcomings. When his heart becomes strong, he will slowly be able to bear it. Children all need recognition from others, and they will get their feelings from the people around them. This feeling is different from how I feel about myself. There may be discrepancies,Children will compare. Eventually, they form a self. Am I excellent and popular, or am I a failure and annoying? And parents’ evaluation is very important. So when my son performs well, I often give him affirmation and tell him: What you just expressed was very good, and the words you used are all very good. I think your eloquence is very good. Come on. You know that some children are very good at reading, some children are very good at long jump, and some children are good at painting or dancing. Everyone has their own advantages, you just need to do what you are good at. When other children do well, you should applaud them and they will applaud you. Because you are all great, right! Every time the little guy nodded in understanding. When my son realizes that everyone has their own strengths and that he is not as good as others, he will really change a lot the next time he encounters a losing situation. The encouragement and affirmation given by parents to their children will become a powerful motivation to protect their children\’s hearts. Parents should maintain a certain degree of control. There is no need to deliberately cause trouble to mock their children. Children\’s acceptance of failure also requires a process. So don’t give your children too high expectations. High pressure often comes from too high expectations. For example, some parents often nag their children, \”You have to work hard, our family depends on you.\” You are the best, I believe you will be the first in the exam. Why emphasize these things? In fact, what you have to do is to help your children develop good study habits and build a broader platform for them. For example, cultivating children\’s love of reading habits allows them to see the world further and know more ancient history. Reminiscing about the past and understanding the present, and improving your vision and knowledge, you will naturally have a big mind. We can also tolerate failure and understand that suffering is just a turn in the long river of life. When you put your heart into your children, you will naturally gain different children. Guide the child to find a reasonable goal. For example, Xiao Xiaoyu once asked me to memorize Pipa Xing, which I often read. I said it was too long and had to be broken up, and I had to learn it well first. Before that, read other long poems. Children sometimes have high aspirations, and that\’s a good thing. But what we have to do is to help them see the path under their feet and find the way to realize their ideals. Perhaps, there will be many failures waiting for us. But at this time, we can show our children that losing is not a big deal! Wipe away your tears and continue…