What should I do if my child is not mentally strong enough?

Many parents often say that they should raise a child with a strong heart. So, what exactly is a sign of strong heart? In life, we often hear friends around us lament how spoiled and spoiled children today are, and how fragile and sensitive they are. \”Children of this generation really don\’t have a good life.\” \”When I was their age, I didn\’t have the conditions I have now.\” \”Why are these children getting more and more fragile!\” Parents think that children with strong hearts are not Will be vulnerable. In fact, everyone has a vulnerable side. Whether it’s an adult or a child, who hasn’t experienced grievance and collapse? It doesn\’t actually hurt to cry, lose your temper, or need someone to comfort you or give you a hug. The most important thing is whether the child can recover from negative emotions. When frustrations come, accept them and overcome the difficulties at hand. What this tests is the child\’s level of psychological flexibility. 01What is psychological flexibility? Zheng Banqiao, a poet of the Qing Dynasty, wrote in the poem \”Bamboo and Stone\”: \”It is still strong despite being beaten by thousands of blows, regardless of the winds from east to west, north and south.\” This is used to describe that after rock bamboo has experienced many difficulties, even if it is bent, it still has a heroic appearance in the end. A tall figure. For ordinary people, we also need this kind of resilience. Psychological elasticity comes from the concept of elasticity in physics, which is used to explain people\’s ability to \”rebound\” and return to their original state after being exposed to external pressure. To sum it up in a simple sentence: the ability to bounce back after experiencing setbacks or adversity. Whether a child falls into depression and is unable to extricate himself after experiencing a difficult situation, or whether he quickly regroups and starts over, reflects his level of psychological flexibility. Some children are depressed after failing in an exam and cannot get out of the shadows for a long time; some children are unwilling to go to school after being criticized by their teachers; some children want to give up and escape when they encounter the slightest difficulty… Children with low levels of psychological flexibility are prone to depression, loss of hope, and poor ability to withstand stress when encountering difficulties and setbacks in the future. Children with a high level of psychological flexibility have strong psychological endurance and positive thinking. They can face difficulties and setbacks, adjust their mentality, and improve the current situation through practical actions. American psychologist Lori Gottlieb described it this way in \”Maybe You Should Talk to Someone\”: When we feel vulnerable, we are like raw eggs – if we drop it to the ground, the shell will break. The egg yolk and egg white are flying everywhere. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! But if our hearts become more elastic, we will be like hard-boiled eggs – even if they are dropped to the ground and shaken, they will not completely break and make a mess around us. We hope that our children will have a less fragile heart like a hard-boiled egg. We hope that they will be mentally resilient and gain psychological immunity from setbacks. 02How to improve children’s psychological flexibility? The normalcy of life is often changeable and chaotic, and as much as we don’t want to admit it, children’s growth may not always be smooth sailing. In order to go further and more steadily on the road of life, children need to develop a strength in their hearts to resist the vulnerability caused by difficult situations. Fortunately, the heartThe level of rational flexibility can be improved. Here are a few suggestions for you: (1) Let children learn an optimistic explanation style. Many times, children are not trapped by the difficulties at hand, but by the explanation of the difficulties. When dealing with setbacks and suffering, they will be bound by the following three kinds of thinking, which amplify the dilemma: personalization – thinking that bad things happen are their own fault; generalization – thinking that negative events will affect all aspects of life; persistence – The belief is that the residual effects of the event will remain forever. Many children even fall into learned helplessness, realizing that they cannot control the outcome of things no matter what they do, and face difficulties passively, with their initiative greatly reduced. American scholar Martin Seligman once said: Explanatory style is the regulator of learned helplessness. An optimistic explanatory style can prevent learned helplessness, while a pessimistic explanatory style can spread learned helplessness. How a child explains a setback or temporary failure will determine how helpless or motivated he becomes. For example, if a child fails a test, an optimistic explanation is: \”I didn\’t do well in the test this time. Is it because I haven\’t been serious in class recently?\” A pessimistic explanation is: \”I knew I couldn\’t do it. It\’s all because I\’m too stupid.\” The child is experiencing setbacks. At that time, different inner monologues deeply affected their mental health development. Children\’s interpretation of events in early childhood is learned from the attitudes of their parents. They learn the cause-and-effect analysis of various events from their parents every day. There are two aspects: first, whether the parents themselves are optimistic. If you are optimistic, your children will be optimistic too. For example, when you go out and find that your car is broken down, pessimistic parents ask: \”Why am I so unlucky!\”; optimistic parents: \”It\’s time for this car to be taken care of!\” Optimistic parents bring their children a love of life. And hope, when parents often release pessimistic and negative emotions, children\’s psychological stress will also increase and their anxiety levels will increase. So if you want your children to have a good attitude, parents really need to set a good example. Second, the way parents speak when educating their children. The criticism a child hears on a daily basis can also affect his explanation style. For example, when many parents analyze setbacks and failures with their children, they willfully and indulgently criticize their children\’s personality and qualities, and use simple words to summarize their children\’s behavior. In such voices, it is difficult for children to establish an optimistic attitude. Explanations of behavior can also be pessimistic. The book \”Mental Toughness: How to Cultivate Children with Strong Hearts\” writes: When children fail to do something well and interpret their own failures, when we criticize and educate children, we must be highly vigilant about the following words: ● Don’t Use words that may lead to permanent pessimism, such as always, forever, always, never, etc.; ● Do not use words that may lead to generalized pessimism, such as all, all, nothing, a mess, etc.; ● Do not use words that may lead to personal pessimism. Words such as stupid, incompetent, inferior, useless, waste, etc. Even if we hear a child using similar words to describe himself, we must \”argue\” with the child and point out that he has done well in many things and that he also has many excellent qualities. Even children with a lot of behavioral problems should be shownHope it can get better. (2) Let children naturally experience some painful feelings. In order to cultivate a child with a high level of psychological flexibility, parents must first get rid of a \”superstition\”, that is: \”Children will naturally be able to face difficulties when they grow up.\” . This is actually nonsense. A weak child will most likely become a weak adult when he grows up. Psychologist Lori Gottlieb wrote an article titled \”How to Successfully Send Your Children to Psychotherapy.\” She mentioned: \”If children cannot experience painful feelings, they will not be able to develop Psychological immunity.\” \”Just like our body\’s immune system, you have to be exposed to the pathogen first, otherwise your body doesn\’t know how to respond to the attack of the disease, children also need to be exposed to discomfort, failure and struggle,\” she said. Some examples are given: Some parents will call the school to complain when their children are not selected for the school team or the baseball team is not promoted; some parents will choose to pick up and drop off their children in person every day because they don’t like a child on the school bus. Children go to school; some parents ask teachers not to use red pens to make corrections, because parents think that seeing so many red pens on the pages of books will make their children feel bad. Parents always digest the pain and quickly comfort their children when they experience \”unpleasant\” moments. The environment in which their children live does not provide them with opportunities to exercise their toughness. There are many powerless moments in life, and children need to experience them on their own. For example, a child who cannot go out to play because it rains will experience disappointment, anxiety, and sadness. He needs to explore these feelings on his own and ultimately overcome the psychological pain. This is a process of self-learning. The child eventually overcomes this uncomfortable feeling on his own and gradually develops his own psychological adjustment ability. Only by experiencing frustration can you know how to deal with it. As for how to do it? It\’s also very simple. Let go appropriately and give children the opportunity to experience failure. Accept their emotions, encourage and help them, rather than do it for them. From the perspective of child development psychology, trying and exploring behaviors are the key for children to develop their abilities, understand themselves and their surrounding environment, and gain growth experience. important way. If parents protect and restrict their children at all times, they will hinder their children\’s growth and ability development. More importantly, children lack life experience and control, and cannot feel their own abilities. Over time, their hearts become weaker and weaker. They like to escape and retreat when encountering difficulties, and are easily defeated by difficulties. We don’t have to deliberately create difficulties for our children, but we don’t always stand in the way of difficulties. (3) Provide an inclusive and supportive family environment. A mother once left a message saying that her son, who was in second grade, was playing with his classmates at school. During the fight, he accidentally knocked his classmates to the ground, causing his teeth to bleed. This scene was reported to the teacher by the onlookers, who quickly sent the student to the school doctor\’s office and notified both parents. When she went to school to pick up her child, the child had already been criticized by the teacher in the class. The moment he saw his mother, he tried to act as if nothing had happened, while carefully looking at her eyes. The mother looked at her child\’s performance and couldn\’t say the lesson she had prepared in advance. Before going to bed at night, his mother said to him: \”Mom, I believe youNow that you know you were wrong, let’s think about how to make it up to your classmates! You can trust your mother, and she will face the problems with you. \”The child looked at her with great gratitude. To build a child\’s strong heart, love and security are the foundation, which requires parents to become the child\’s support system. We must make children realize from an early age: home is a safe and loving place. In this place, his family will always try to love him and cherish him. No matter how many difficulties he encounters outside, his parents will always be behind him, waiting for him with open arms. At home, he can express vulnerability and pain, and he will not face criticism. Adults We will discover the child\’s initial good motives after the child\’s wrong appearance. All we give him is love, understanding and support. When he doesn\’t know what to do and needs help, we can give him some suggestions and methods. This It is not about ignoring children\’s mistakes, nor is it unprincipled doting on children, it is more like a kind of emotional support. Only children who are well loved by their parents can have the courage to go their own way resolutely. In the future, even if you are not around your children, they will There will be a feeling of being supported. In this way, children will not be afraid of making mistakes and failures. Through repeated experiences, they will learn to solve problems and develop positive thinking. Remember to click \”Like\” at the end of the article, and I hope that children will be able to face adversity in the future. Be able to adapt and grow from it!