What should I do if my child is timid and afraid of getting into trouble? You should do this if you are smart

My three-year-old daughter recently got something that scares her – the chandelier in the living room. Every day when she passed by, she would always shrink her neck and run quickly by the side. She would also look up from time to time and take a peek, her eyes full of fear. I can\’t figure this out. How come something that is commonplace in daily life suddenly becomes a child\’s inner demon? I complained to my sister-in-law about this, and she smiled and asked me what my reaction was. I said three sentences without thinking: \”Baby, it\’s okay, don\’t be afraid.\” \”You are a brave and good boy, don\’t be afraid.\” \”It\’s just a chandelier, it\’s not like I\’ve never seen it before, there\’s nothing to be afraid of!\” Indeed, this is what I tell my daughter over and over again every day, but it doesn’t work at all. The little guy has always been fascinated by the chandelier. Seeing my helpless look, my sister-in-law said meaningfully: \”Actually, you were wrong from the beginning. When your children are scared, you must not blindly encourage them!\” This sentence shocked me. Can \”Don\’t be afraid\” really make children no longer afraid? My sister-in-law told me about my nephew Nono’s experience. When Nono was a child, he was a timid child who was afraid of all kinds of things – he was afraid of the moon, the toilet in the bathroom, and the leopard print scarf in his mother\’s closet… For this reason, his sister-in-law once used the same sentence She tried to comfort him by saying: \”Baby, don\’t be afraid!\” But the effect was very little. The next time Nono encountered the same thing, she would still be so scared that she went to her mother. Finally one day, when Nono was frightened by a grasshopper, his sister-in-law couldn\’t help but said to him: \”I have never seen a child as timid as you!\” Unexpectedly, these words made the little nephew collapse emotionally. He cried aggrievedly towards his sister-in-law: \”Every time you tell me not to be afraid of this or that, but I am just afraid! Look, what if this grasshopper gets into my ear? You adults are tall. \”You can hide far away, but of course you can\’t feel my feelings!\” My sister-in-law told me that it was not until that time that she realized how superficial it was for adults to take children\’s fears for granted with their own fixed thinking. Many things that seem ordinary to us have enough reasons to scare them in the eyes of children – the moon only appears at night, like a monster\’s eyes; there is a monster hidden in the toilet, which will roar and destroy everything regularly. Swallow it; the mother\’s scarf has stripes and may turn back into a leopard; …and only when you stand from the perspective of a child can you truly understand why they are afraid. My sister-in-law said: \”Since then, I have never emphasized the need to be brave to my son. Because doing so will not make the source of fear disappear, but will make the child bear more pressure and become more afraid.\” It turns out that when children are afraid, it is not the right thing to encourage them desperately not to be afraid. Every child has the right to be afraid and their feelings deserve to be respected. What reason do we adults have to ignore and deprive them of their freedom to experience such emotions? What my sister-in-law said suddenly made me realize. Fear is a normal emotional experience. The book \”Magic Years: The Spiritual World of Children Aged 0~6\” mentions that children because \”the primitive psychological system has not yet been conquered and replaced by rational thinking,So there are always puzzling fears. \”In fact, this emotion is very common. A study once found that \”among normal children, more than 90% of young children have varying degrees of fear; 40% of children aged 2-4 have at least one fear; 43% of 6- 12-year-old children have more than seven fears. \”Fear accompanies children as they grow up, and children of different ages fear different things. During infancy, babies will be afraid of hunger, loneliness, noise, and any factors that cause physical discomfort. When they grow up, they will fear There are even more objects – darkness, death, solitude, insects, animals, strangers, any unknown things, imaginary monsters… As children grow up, fear is inevitable and quite normal. In fact, this is not a bad thing. Childhood psychologist Thelma Freberg once pointed out that appropriate fear can help children gain cognition and adapt to the environment. Therefore, in the face of the fear tumbling in the child\’s heart, Parents do not need to simply and rudely deny and prevent it, nor do they need to deliberately eliminate or avoid it. We might as well change the perspective and treat all this with an open and positive attitude. When children are afraid, what parents do is crucial Writer Lovecliff Te once said: “The most primitive and strongest human emotion is fear, and the most primitive fear is the fear of the unknown. \”A child\’s long road of growth is destined to be full of unknown challenges. It is crucial for parents to teach their children to correctly deal with the fears that come with them. 1. Accompany your children to face it together. \”The Incredible Mom\” In one episode, Ye Yiqian took He Jie\’s son Qibao to rock climbing. At first, Qibao refused to try because he was afraid of heights. In this regard, Ye Yiqian did not simply tell Qibao not to be afraid. She always stayed patiently with the child and constantly encouraged him. Him: “Let’s try it. \”Ye Yiqian\’s personal companionship greatly alleviated Qibao\’s fear. He bravely took the first step of rock climbing and finally successfully completed the task. William Coleman, an American pediatrician, once pointed out, \”Parents should help their children face the things that scare them. things and deal with their fears objectively. If adults ignore children\’s fears, their fears will never be eliminated. \”So, when children are afraid, you might as well accompany them quietly. Only by guiding children to fully experience and feel all this can they truly help them develop the inner ability to deal with fear and successfully overcome it. 2. Give children soothing objects Sustenance. In the cartoon \”Snoopy\”, the little boy Linus has a blanket that he carries with him. He hugs it all the time, lies on it to sleep when he is tired, and covers his head in it to escape when he encounters setbacks. Yes. \”That blanket absorbed all my fears and frustrations,\” said Linus, who was fiercely attached to him. \”In fact, soothing objects, as a place of children\’s sense of security, can well distract them from the anxiety caused by various uncertain factors in the outside world. For example, in the minds of children, soothing bears will turn into little fighters at night to help them disperse the worries ahead of them. monsters that come to cause trouble. So when your children are scared, provide them with a few special comfort items.There are often unexpected results. 3. Use clever methods to reduce fear. I saw a piece of news some time ago. There is a hospital in Guangzhou. In order to alleviate children\’s fear during surgery, doctors changed the flat bed used to transport children into a toy car. Young children will drive into the operating room in a car before surgery. Previously, there was a children\’s hospital that designed the CT examination equipment to look like a children\’s adventure park, which greatly improved the cooperation of young children. When children have to face something scary, we can make the whole process fun and lively in a fun way, thereby diluting the fear and letting the children relax. 4. Guide children to experience more. I once watched a short video. A little boy felt the buoyancy in the water, but because he couldn\’t swim, he pulled on the rope desperately and cried out in fear. At this time, the adult next to him helped him put his feet on the ground, and he stood up suddenly – it turned out that the water was not deep at all, only covering his legs. The child stopped crying instantly. Many fears stem from unfamiliarity, and the best way to help children overcome it is to experience more. Having experienced it personally, my experience and knowledge have increased, and I have confidence in my heart, and my anxiety and fear will naturally disappear. Let’s talk about my daughter’s fear of chandeliers. After chatting with my sister-in-law, I never said \”don\’t be afraid\” to her again. On the contrary, I will squat down and observe the lamp from the same angle with the little one, and share my impressions of it together. Finally one day, my daughter secretly told me: \”Mom, look at that lamp, it looks like a big spider. I\’m afraid it will fall.\” The doubts I had been having for so many days were finally revealed. I was extremely relieved and couldn\’t help but laugh. After I found the reason, I guided my daughter in a targeted manner, and soon she was no longer afraid. Fortunately, I used the right method to open my daughter\’s heart and get into her heart. From this, I was able to understand her true thoughts, so that I could prescribe the right medicine to truly untie her knot. In fact, fear and fear are both experiences of growth. It is through these experiences that our children continue to gain courage and grow. I hope every child can be cared for and treated with tenderness while going through all this. And after they get through it successfully, they will eventually become a stronger version of themselves.