What should I do if my child is tired of studying and lies down?

He refused to eat hard or soft food and wanted to be completely peaceful. Throughout elementary school and junior high school, Zhang Shan was very obedient and sensible. He followed his father\’s arrangements and attended interest classes and actively participated in various competitions. He was a child with excellent academic performance in the eyes of his teacher. His ideal is to become a scientist like Einstein. To this end, he has participated in various physics competitions and achieved outstanding results. But when he entered high school, Zhang Shan, in his father\’s words, \”suddenly changed as a person and hung out with some shady people all day long.\” His father was furious, but Zhang Shan refused to give in. In the end, he was admitted to an ordinary university and chose engineering under his father\’s threat. After entering college, Zhang Shan was completely flat. He failed three or four subjects in the first semester of his freshman year. He also realized that this was not going to work, so he took the initiative to come to the psychological consultation room. He said that he didn\’t like his current major at all, but there was no hope of changing his major (once he failed his homework, he would lose the qualification to change his major). Zhang Shan said that he was very depressed and wanted to lie down, not knowing where his future was. Zhang Shan\’s change in his attitude toward learning occurred during the summer vacation before entering his first year of high school. At the age of 15, he was in \”the most serious moment of adolescent rebelliousness.\” The study tasks in high school are heavy, and his parents have higher demands on Zhangshan. In addition to completing school courses, he also has to receive tutoring from his father and one of his father\’s friends after returning home every day. At the end of the first semester of high school, Zhangshan\’s final exam results were far from ideal, and he failed in an important competition. He was very upset and worried about being scolded by his father. what to do if the children do not like study? What to do if your child is tired of studying PDF download [35M HD version] My friend said that he was under too much pressure and needed to relax. So during the winter vacation, Zhang Shan proposed that he would read some of his favorite books and spend about three days on a short trip with his close friends. The father refused without thinking because he had already signed Zhangshan up for an important physics competition and hoped that his son could preview the sophomore year of high school courses in advance. Zhang Shan was furious, and his father was furious. No one was willing to compromise, and it eventually escalated into fist fights. Zhang Shan, who had failed to defeat his father, opened the window and was about to jump down. Fortunately, his parents worked together to hold him back… With the mediation of Zhang Shan\’s mother, the father and son finally reached a compromise: Zhang Shan would not participate in the physics competition, but would remain in the entire physics competition. During the summer vacation, you must stay at home and prepare for homework. \”I don\’t think this is a compromise, because I haven\’t achieved anything I want,\” Zhang Shan said. During the summer vacation, he stayed at home and studied under the supervision of his father every day. But even so, my father was still not satisfied. Because a few times, he played with his mobile phone for more than half an hour as promised, and twice, he actually read extracurricular books for an entire afternoon. His father preached as usual, his voice choked with emotion, but Zhang Shan was fine. Feeling, sometimes even nauseous. \”In his eyes, nothing is more important than getting into a good university.\” Zhang Shan said that the more stringent his father\’s requirements were, the more he wanted to lie down. Starting from the first semester of high school, his grades plummeted, and he was only admitted to an ordinary second-tier college. His father, who was \”too embarrassed to meet people\”, urged him to study hard during college and strive to be admitted to a graduate school in a certain 985 college. Zhang Shan actually regretted that he had disobeyed his father and hadI am determined to study hard during college and never let my father down again. But after entering college, Zhang Shan no longer had his father to remind him every day. Zhang Shan completely experienced the feeling of relaxation. In addition, the major he chose was not his favorite and he couldn\’t arouse any interest. Feeling disappointed and surprised, Zhang Shan chose the easiest way – to lie down completely. When Perfectionism Meets Adolescent Emotions Stories like this are common in middle school and early college. A student may have very lofty ambitions, but one or two setbacks will bring him deep self-doubt and self-denial, and the direction of his life will also undergo major changes. In addition to the inevitable emotional turmoil of adolescence, social and cultural factors also play a significant role in this situation. First of all, in middle school, the test rankings and competition results that Zhangshan received can judge whether he is excellent or not, while the important test rankings can predict his future development and achievements. It is undeniable that teachers and parents agree that the first place is more promising than the second place. Children who win large competitions are more likely to be admitted to key universities and even become more successful in the future. Children who cannot win awards will not be successful in life. The road will be more rugged, and Zhang Shan will inevitably believe it. If parents are not obsessed with performance perfectionism and do not instill unreliable cause-and-effect relationships in their children, but instead spend more energy on discovering their children\’s potential and uniqueness, many children such as Zhang Shan will not be so nervous when encountering setbacks. Low self-esteem and despair. Although Zhang Shan may reflect on and face the prejudices he learned in middle school later in life, because those prejudices took root during the critical period of adolescence, the change is bound to be bumpy and long. Another psychological factor that led to Zhang Shan\’s frustration was also related to the education he received. In his mind, success meant becoming a great scientist known to others, especially mythical figures like Newton and Einstein. Academics have been narrowed down to science, science has been narrowed down to physics, or physics has been promoted as the greatest discipline, and there are only a few successful scientists like Newton and Einstein. This kind of value recognition that occurs in children during their adolescence will undoubtedly interfere with their life aspirations if no one questions it or provides companionship and encouragement when they encounter hardships. Why do you say that? When children reach adolescence, they have actually reached a period of preparation for forming a lifelong career orientation. Unlike in kindergarten or elementary school, their vision of future careers is half-truth and half-false. If teenagers receive good enough guidance during this period and develop career goals based on their own interests and strengths, they will develop lifelong career motivation. On the contrary, if interests and career tendencies are differentiated into high and low, it will be difficult for teenagers to be loyal to their own experiences and find role models to identify with based on their own interests. Once they break away from their own interests and characteristics and pursue \”excellence\” in the eyes of everyone and others, it will be difficult for them to fully experience the feeling of physical and mental unity in their studies and careers. Everyone has his or her own path. Obviously, in this important stage of adolescence, parents should recognize their children’s interests and aspirations instead of using their own values ​​to influence or even demand their children.Particularly important. Going back to Zhang Shan\’s case, we can see that he has a strong motivation to achieve, but in the real world, both his goals (becoming Einstein) and strategies (winning the middle school physics competition) are too simplistic. . The real life goals and life paths should be personalized, explored by oneself, and unrepeatable by others. Moreover, the goals set by each person should mainly be related to their own interests and potential, rather than whether they appear to be ranked high in the eyes of others, the level of the competition and how brilliant the results are. Zhang Shan took the troubles he was facing to discuss in psychological counseling, and he found the right place. However, the extent to which psychological counseling can work is also subject to a variety of factors, such as Zhang Shan\’s own understanding ability, mental health status, personality maturity, or important others around him, including whether the counselor\’s values ​​​​are Mature enough. Moreover, the counselor is not a teacher, but a person who accompanies the client to explore together. The key to adolescent growth still lies in the way parents educate and accompany them, as well as the child\’s self-perception based on this. Research in education and psychology has long shown that people\’s creativity, intrinsic motivation and opportunities are important factors for success. Once IQ and academic performance exceed the average level, they lose their predictive power on a child\’s future achievements. The most outstanding achievements are often not made by children who are at the top in middle school. Children who are academically \”relatively good\” are more likely to maintain lifelong learning and lifelong efforts than the \”best\” children. However, parents who are obsessed with performance perfectionism either don’t know these facts, or they only half-believe them, which simplifies their educational philosophy to “improving scores” and narrows their sense of achievement to “sending their children to prestigious universities.” To achieve this goal, all difficulties, such as adolescent emotions, have to be put aside. And because of the \”blessing\” of this special stage of adolescence, small problems can escalate into big conflicts. For example, parents\’ normal guidance and education of their children can turn into fistfights or even death. Judging from clinical work experience, many clients like Zhang Shan have to go through years of reflection and growth after entering college before they can give up their narrow view of excellence, confidently pursue their own life goals, and make efforts close to their own potential. . There are also some people who don’t repent and no longer struggle until they see the true appearance of the world in middle age. More people slowly mature under the dual influence of reflection and life experience.