What should I do if my child lies but refuses to admit it?

Not long ago, my best friend complained to me, saying that she really couldn\’t stand the lies that a 7-year-old child tells: he said that he had finished his homework when he was playing with his mobile phone while he was clearly not doing homework; he told me that he had a stomachache at school and had to take leave to go home, but he was jumping around at home. When he comes to the table to eat, he says that he is full and can’t eat any more, and his eyes go straight when he sees the snacks… My best friend said that the child’s mistake was not a big mistake, but he chose to hide it and refused to change no matter how bad he was. I was really worried. If you continue like this, you will become a \”liar\”. In fact, there are many children who lie in reality. Some parents will guide kindly, some will criticize harshly, and some will even scold and punish them corporally. Children lie, whether they are big or small. We must not only educate children, but also go into their hearts to explore the deep reasons behind this behavior. The act of lying is the only way for children to grow up. When it comes to children lying, most parents will not be able to bear it: If the child learns to lie at such a young age, will he continue to lie when he grows up? From a psychological point of view, lying is the only way for children to grow up. According to research by Professor Li Kang, an applied psychology professor at the University of Toronto in Canada: almost 30% of children begin to lie for the first time when they are two years old, and by the age of 4, 80% of children have learned to lie. I once saw a video of a mother soul-torturing her son who stole a painting. The 5-year-old son was painting together with his cousin who was visiting the house. After a while, the son happily showed the painting to his mother. The mother knew her son\’s painting skills. When asked, the son weakly admitted that he took his cousin\’s painting just because he wanted to be praised by his mother. They steal because they want to get praise; they lie because they want to attract their parents\’ attention. This is the simplest and most normal \”lying\” thinking of young children. In fact, many children have lied during their childhood. Academician Zhong Nanshan once revealed that he also lied when he was a child, hiding the food money that should have been paid to the school and buying snacks. When his mother asked if he had any food money left, he lied and said he didn\’t. When the lie was revealed, he thought his parents would beat him up. Unexpectedly, his mother did not blame him too much and just said to him: \”It is dishonest for you to do this.\” His father, who has always been strict, said: \”Nanshan, think about it carefully, are you right if you lied to us like this? \”Zhong Nanshan said that that night, he had a sleepless night and deeply reflected on his mistakes. Only by understanding children\’s growth patterns, facing their lying behavior, and understanding the motivations behind lying can we let go of our inner anxieties and gain a more honest child. Teacher Todd lectures on preschool child psychology for free download [180 episodes completed] Behind lying are children’s hidden emotional needs. There are no unreasonable lies. Based on the child’s lying behavior and finding the reasons behind the child’s lying, only then can we prescribe the right medicine and give the child the correct treatment. Guidelines. The book \”Child Always Lies, What Should Mom Do?\” shares a case: Cece had to play outside for a while after school every day before returning home. One time it was too late, and her mother beat her unceremoniously. Unexpectedly, not only did Cecean not become obedient because of her mother\’s beatings, but she also learned to lie to her mother. sheI still play late at night from time to time, and when my mother asks, she lies and says it’s because of a traffic jam or because the teacher is dragging me down. When analyzing the reasons why children lie, Ginott, a famous American child psychologist, said: \”Lying is a refuge that children seek because they are afraid of being scolded for telling the truth.\” In the eyes of children, out of an instinctive self-protection, for the sake of To avoid punishment from adults, he will come up with various reasons to cover up his mistakes or shirk his responsibilities, so he lies. I saw a prisoner recounting his childhood experience on Zhihu: One day, my mother bought back several apples of different sizes and asked my brother and I which one we wanted. I wanted to say I wanted the biggest one, but before I could say anything, my brother jumped in and said it. Unexpectedly, my mother said very unhappily: \”Good children must learn to share and give good things to others, and can\’t always think about themselves.\” After hearing this, I quickly changed my mind and said that I wanted the smallest apple and gave the big one to my brother. My mother was very happy, praised me, and gave me the big apple. Lying got me what I wanted. From then on, in order to get what I wanted, I not only continued to lie, but also learned to fight, steal, rob, and finally went to jail. Many times, what children tell is not lies, but their own fears and anxieties, as well as their own wishes and demands. It\’s just that because of their age, they don\’t have enough judgment and discernment to judge the quality of a thing, let alone the consequences of lying. As a parent, you should not only see the fact that your child is lying, but you should also hear the voice behind the child\’s lies. The handling of lying depends on the different educational wisdom of parents. An education expert with more than 30 years of experience in dealing with children\’s problems once said frankly: Don\’t regard lying as a moral issue. It is a less effective way of solving problems used by children. . What parents need to do is to point out that it is ineffective for their children to deal with this, and teach them how to deal with it more effectively. So, what should parents do when their children lie? 1. Correct mistakes wisely and promptly correct children’s lying behavior. Children’s lies are not only a test for themselves and whether they are honest, but also a test for their parents and their coping skills. First, ask in a gentle manner. Children often feel uneasy when they make mistakes. At this time, avoid questioning the child in a critical tone. Second, use established facts to leave children speechless. If a child lies, we can list the evidence of his lie to silence him. Third, use skills to give your child a chance to make amends. Understand and accept the child\’s feelings, let him know that his parents love him, use his own brain to solve problems, and develop a good habit of being responsible for his own mistakes. 2. Lead by example and set an example for children not to lie. The famous British educator Locke once said: \”Lying is very popular among all kinds of people. It is very difficult to prevent children from seeing and hearing other people\’s lies. Children often see and hear lies. How can you not learn when you see others lying?\” Children are natural imitators, and adults\’ inadvertent words and deeds can become the objects of their imitation, regardless of whether they are good or bad. First of all, parents should pay attention to their words and deeds. Tell the truth when dealing with things, don\’t do it just to achieve the so-calleddeceiving children for the educational effect. Secondly, be a parent who keeps your promises to your children. Don\’t easily agree to your child\’s request. Once you make a promise, you must try your best to fulfill it. 3. Love and tolerance, grow up with children who love to lie. When we know that lying is a necessary experience for children to grow up, we must cultivate a normal heart, do not be too nervous, and do not be too indulgent, but treat it calmly. There is a saying on the Internet: To make children who lie honest, an encouraging attitude is more effective than a critical attitude. Parents can squat down, listen carefully to what their children have to say, maintain empathy, and encourage their children to tell the truth. The most important thing is to let the child know that his parents will not stop loving him because of his one lie. No matter what difficulties he encounters, his parents will be by his side to face and solve them together. Lying is not terrible. What is terrible is that we use the wrong way to deal with it and affect our children. A good education must be based on love and vision. Because they are loved, children do not need to lie to attract attention or escape punishment. Because they are seen, children do not need to use lies to disguise themselves and conceal their responsibilities. I hope all parents can see their children, pay attention to their children, nourish their children with love, and let their children thrive. I hope every child can live a true and magnanimous life, and be brave and free to be themselves.