What should I do if my child lies? This is how smart parents handle it

Oral Narration: Hongwei’s mother (full-time housewife) He lives in the life he built. All my beautiful illusions about life were shattered by a phone call! My son\’s class teacher told me that Hongwei did something special in the class and asked me to go to school to solve it. I hurried over and realized that the matter was much more complicated than I thought: 12 children jointly reported that their son was asking for things from them! They have to take turns bringing him bread, candy and other snacks, and sometimes they have to do his homework for him. If they can\’t do it, they will be punished. My first reaction was: This must be a misunderstanding! My son is a model student, how could he do such a thing? But then he remembered that he always had endless snacks. Every time he was asked, he said: \”My classmates like me, so they secretly brought them to me!\” \”Is it because Hongwei was elected captain and the classmates wanted to please him?\” What?\” I tried to argue. The teacher cast a surprised look: \”Captain? It\’s not grand!\” For a moment, I was stunned. After that, the teacher and I verified many situations. For example, Hongwei and his classmates repeatedly said that my profession is the principal of the middle school next door; my father works for a well-known Internet company and will be sent abroad soon. Hongwei also said that he wanted to invite the whole class to my villa and have a French chef cook authentic Western food for everyone… There was no truth! This style of speaking really sounded like Hongwei. He also told me similar lies: \”Mom, the principal sent me home in person today. He likes me so much!\” On the way home, I kept thinking about how to talk to my son about this. thing. Unexpectedly, a bigger \”surprise\” was waiting for me. As soon as I opened the door, Hongwei ran over excitedly: \”Mom, I was named the city\’s three best students!\” I was shaking with anger and tried to control my anger: \”Son, three good students should have certificates, right?\” \”The teacher wrote the wrong name. Yes, I\’m re-doing the certificate. Give it to me in two days!\” Hongwei said very naturally. I slapped him in the face! The grandeur can no longer continue, and we have to face this embarrassing truth. Teacher Todd lectures on preschool child psychology for free download [180 episodes completed] Oral Narration: Hongwei (9 years old) Mom, am I still the good boy? My nightmare started in the second grade of elementary school. That time, I forgot to write my Chinese homework. After class, I secretly opened the class representative\’s statistics book and put a check mark behind my name. As a result, this scene was discovered by the back desk. He was very gossipy, and I was afraid that he would tell anyone, so I begged him for two whole classes. I said to him: \”My mother is not in good health. If you tell the teacher that she asked me to find my parents, my mother will be furious!\” Unexpectedly, he didn\’t care about my mother\’s illness at all, but asked me: \”You What does mom do?\” I was afraid of being looked down upon by him, so I said casually: \”She is the principal of the key junior high school next to our school. When I grow up, I will go to her school to study. Do you want to come?\” In an instant, The people at the back table cast envious glances. After that day, I told many classmates the same thing and told them to \”keep it a secret\” \”because my mother told me to keep a low profile.\” Every time other students came to me to verify, I would add fuel to the fire, and later I almost forgot what I said. After that, days at school got better and better, and I was worried and excited at the same time. However, life at homeNot so happy. Dad would lose his temper over trivial matters. The vegetable stall next door was doing better business, so he would go home and scold them. When they met the next day, the two of them were still chatting and laughing. Their acting skills were really good. My mother had no job, so she focused all her energy on me. She bought me many exercise books and watched me do them one by one. When I complained that I was tired, they coaxed me and said that after finishing the exercise book, they would take me to a buffet on the weekend. However, on weekends, the vegetable stalls were busy and even my mother had to go to help, leaving me alone at home in a daze. I know that adults like to hear good news, but why is it more and more difficult to get 100 points in third grade, and there are fewer and fewer little red flowers? The class elected captain, and I actually lost the election. So, I lied to my mother that I was elected, and then put on the \”three stripes\” I prepared in advance. In this way, we were all happy. Of course my classmates know that I am not a \”three stripes\” person. I feel that my prestige is getting lower and lower, and I must give them some color! I began to imitate the gangster methods on TV and used both soft and hard tactics on my classmates. As a result, they obediently gave me snacks. People around me were also afraid of me and began to do my homework and do things for me. I became a \”core\” member of the class again! Analysis and Strategies Almost all children lie. They may lie because they are polite, lie about liking the gift from the neighbor, praise the tone-deaf person for singing well, or lie because of collective honor. Older children will also humbly say that they have done well. Not good enough…None of these lies warrant intervention. Only when children lie because of themselves do parents need to be vigilant. We call such lies \”black lies.\” Magnificent Lies are all black and carefully crafted. Even so, his problem is not a moral one, but a psychological one. We can pick up many clues from the grand description: He was trying to please those around him and was overly worried about external perceptions. He sensitively captures the reactions of his classmates, then guesses what the other person wants to hear, and then expresses himself in a way that benefits himself. His value expression is also too single. When parents focus all their energy on learning, the world that children feel becomes flat. He began to judge everything around him from a utilitarian perspective, doing whatever it took to achieve his goals and gradually crossing the line. In terms of integrity, Hongwei\’s parents also set a less positive example. So, how can parents help Hongwei? First of all, parents\’ attitude towards lying is very important. We often say that the cause of children\’s behavioral problems must be found in their parents. Parents are the originals and children are the copies, especially when it comes to lying. Usually, when adults don\’t lie, children are less likely to lie. Therefore, we must create a family environment of integrity. Adults should not think that their lying skills are so good that children will not see through them. In fact, people who have been together for a long time will be extremely sensitive to small details such as each other\’s body language. for example. Many times, parents will ask their children \”trap\” questions: \”What time did you come back yesterday?\” In fact, we clearly know the time our children came back. Children can keenly sense their parents\’ hidden anger and try to hide it, ultimately leading to lying. A positive demonstration is this:\”I know you didn\’t get home until 7:30 yesterday, which was past the time we agreed on. I want to hear your opinion!\” Frank sharing will also lead to a frank response from the child. Secondly, parents should be careful to control their children as little as possible. Many times, children lie in order to discover their true selves and do what they want to do. If we arrange too much for a child and prevent him from exploring himself, he will have the motivation to lie and make up, trying to make his parents happy and achieve his own interests. Hongwei disguises himself as a \”three stripes\”, so his parents may relax their control and stop pressing him every step of the way, and he will get more space to do what he likes. If the parents are not overly controlling from the beginning and the child can do whatever he wants, then there is no need for him to lie. Finally, handle your child’s fabricating behavior appropriately. Hongwei is not only lying, but also fabricating—actively creating a world of his own imagination. This is a more \”dangerous\” behavior than lying, and it won\’t go away anytime soon. Experience on How to Cultivate Children\’s Abilities HD PDF Sometimes, children need to make up lies like \”The principal sent me home\” to make themselves appear \”strong\” and to test their parents\’ reaction. The best response from a parent is one that is neither exaggerated nor overly emotional. We can say: \”This sounds a bit exaggerated. I think you said something that is not quite true. Your imagination is working, right?\” The reason why the child made it up may be that he needs companionship and needs to be let go. Parents are happy and need praise… The key to solving this problem is to use other positive ways to substitute for their children\’s missing needs, such as finding opportunities to praise their children more, focusing on parent-child companionship, etc. When we focus on building a better parent-child relationship and restoring trust between parents and children, the child\’s problem behaviors will slowly decrease. Maybe the lies will disappear, or become less important. In short, in the face of lies, preaching, threatening, beating and scolding are useless. We must solve the problem of lying in a safe atmosphere. On the contrary, it is really important for parents to have an honest and positive attitude. If a child lies now, it does not mean that he will continue to do so for the rest of his life. We must see the reality and needs in the children\’s lies, continuously expand the reality, meet the children\’s psychological needs, and let the whole family regain confidence.