What should I do if my child loses his temper when something goes wrong?

In the eyes of parents, when a child loses his temper, it is definitely the least cute time. No matter how many parenting methods and discipline strategies we learn, they often have no effect on children with bad tempers. Children\’s temper manifests itself in various forms, such as stamping on the floor with a red face, smashing things, screaming, crying…it makes adults angry. We often wonder why children who are always playing well suddenly start to lose their temper. Wang Xiaobo once said: \”All human suffering is essentially anger at one\’s own incompetence.\” In the adult world, losing your temper often is seen as a cover for weakness and incompetence. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! In the world of children, losing temper is more like a sign of vulnerability. In today\’s article, we look at children who have tantrums from a different perspective, which may help you regain your sense and calmness and deal with your children\’s problems more peacefully. Losing his temper is a child\’s signal for help. He wants to tell his parents three subtexts. 1. \”I lose my temper because I feel frustrated.\” People are especially prone to losing their temper when they are frustrated. We were criticized by our boss before getting off work; we couldn\’t assemble the furniture we bought online in half a day; we forgot to pick up our medical insurance card when we went to the hospital to see a doctor… These little things make us instantly angry, and sometimes we even vent our anger on those close to us. But in most cases, adults\’ rationality will pull the line of emotion, restrain impulse, and prevent it from getting out of control. Children are completely different. Children\’s emotional development is a long process, and they may not be able to fully control their emotions until adulthood. Children\’s emotional development is related to the prefrontal lobe of the brain, and the prefrontal lobe does not fully mature until around the age of 20. Therefore, children\’s ability to regulate frustration is very limited, and they will show more out-of-control behaviors. A building block accidentally collapses; losing a competition with a child; not getting what he wanted to eat… A sudden hit against a wall can cause a child to collapse. Psychologist Ross Green once mentioned in the book \”The Grumpy Child\”: \”The child really wants to do everything well, and his challenging behavior just reflects a developmental delay in himself. It is a learning disability in mastering flexibility and frustrating endurance.\” In other words, children\’s tantrums are not what parents think: willful, disobedient, gaining attention, challenging parental authority… but that they are temporarily incapable of doing so. Faced with the problem at hand, he didn\’t know how to solve it when he encountered it, and frustration was still too foreign to him. From this perspective, children who lose their temper also have a deep sense of \”powerlessness\” in their hearts. Therefore, when we face a child with a bad temper, we want to tell ourselves: This child is not ignorant, but his emotional ability has not caught up. Our scolding can only \”add fuel to the fire\” and cannot solve any problems. 2. “I lose my temper because I can’t explain the problem clearly.” Why do adults feel so troubled by children’s tantrums? Because it’s difficult for us to understand what our children’s real needs are from every emotional outburst. Standing in front of us is a child who only knows how to wow.A crying, restless child. Ross Green once mentioned this example in his book: If you accidentally step on a puppy\’s tail, the poor puppy has only three choices: bark at you, bite you, or run away. If you \”step on\” the \”tail\” of a human with language skills impairment, he also has only three choices: bark at you, bite you, or run away. Because children have not kept up with the development of language expression ability, especially they have not yet mastered the basic vocabulary to express their own emotions, it is difficult for them to explain their emotions and problems in an organized manner, and it is difficult to explain. In the end, they can only use actions Express your feelings. Sadly, parents often deny or misunderstand their children\’s behavior, further exacerbating their children\’s frustration. Some parents often tell us: \”My child obviously did something wrong, but he gets angry at us and gets extremely angry!\” In fact, children like this don\’t really have a bad personality. Sometimes it is because of fear of being criticized by parents, sometimes it is because of shame. This temper is a feeling of shame towards oneself. But he couldn\’t express his true feelings and had to let his parents misunderstand him. Unlike us adults who can use language to solve problems when we encounter setbacks. Language development is an important factor affecting emotional abilities. So when you encounter a child throwing a tantrum, think of it as the child having difficulty explaining his or her problems in an organized way, and you will not be easily angry. 3. \”I lose my temper because I am helpless.\” There is a saying in psychology: When a person loses his temper, it is a response to a situation where he feels helpless or powerless, and it is a disguised request for help from the people around him. Signal to attract others\’ attention. When a child becomes emotional, it seems like he is putting pressure on his parents, but in fact he is asking for help from the people closest to him: I have encountered difficulties, please help me. He felt helpless, and he wanted to strive for autonomy and self-esteem, but anger was a sign of his vulnerability. A 6 or 7-year-old boy\’s toy car was accidentally stepped on by an adult, and he was crying. It is easiest for others to ignore the child\’s pain: \”It\’s worthless, why are you crying?\” In fact, the child collapsed not because of the toy car, but because the grief of losing a beloved thing was difficult to resolve, and his cry He is asking you for help and needs your help to calm down and help him relieve this pain. But the reaction of adults usually makes him feel that his emotions are ignored, which intensifies the child\’s crying. A mother told such an episode: School was about to start, and she took her 10-year-old son to get a haircut. As a result, his hair was cut so short that he almost became bald. My son was particularly unhappy. He lost his temper at night and refused to eat. The mother didn\’t understand: \”You look so energetic now! How come you have become so beautiful at such a young age!\” Then her son woke her up with one sentence: \”How can I see my classmates when you ask me to go back to school?\” These angry, unhappy people Too cute children have hidden needs, and they are looking forward to adults\’ understanding and help. What they need most is not a painless \”What\’s wrong?\” but: \”I understand you, and I\’ll help you.\” Children\’s tempers are generally \”domestic\”, that is to say, in fact, children Not much in front of outsidersSprinkle, this represents a kind of trust, and this kind of trust can well allow us to help our children. Treat your child\’s tantrums as his need for help, so that you won\’t become your child\’s \”enemy\” and lose both sides. 4. How to deal with children’s tantrums? It is easy for us to regard children\’s temper as a challenge to adults. Once we put ourselves in the child\’s perspective, our impatience may be much less. So what can parents do to calm their children when they lose their temper? The first is acceptance. Some parents said, I don’t know how to comfort a crying child. Do children like to lose their temper? Read this magical picture book. For adults, there are many times in our lives when we lose control of our emotions. Frankly speaking, we may not handle it very well, let alone children. Therefore, it is normal for children to fall into emotions. Parents do not need to be affected by their children and feel irritable. The easiest way is to squat down and give the child who is having an emotional breakdown a hug. Dr. Deborah McNamara, a child psychologist, said: \”Let the child finish the tantrum, rather than trying to prevent the child from having a tantrum.\” Only by fully experiencing the \”rise and fall\” of temper can children better understand Emotions, managing emotions. Or, don\’t make any comments, just repeat what the child said. For example, if a child loses his temper because he can\’t buy snacks, you can say: \”Do you particularly like that snack?\” \”You are sad because you can\’t buy snacks today.\” Use the language the child understands to describe his feelings, and then Observe your child\’s reaction. This seemingly useless repetition is actually much more effective than saying \”Stop crying\” because the message the child receives is called \”Mom understands me\”, which not only effectively alleviates his frustration, but also allows the child to open up. Secondly, accepting a child\’s temper does not mean accepting the child\’s behavior in full. When some children lose their temper, they make a lot of noise. They not only cry, but also throw things, hit others, and even hurt themselves. In response to this situation, parents need to intervene and stop it first, hold the child in a corner, accompany him to calm down, and finally educate him. I have seen some parents who, because they did not give their children mobile phones, would hit people and throw things. The adults would give the child a \”cold treatment\”, ignore the child, and let his little fists fall. When they were really annoyed, they would say: \”Enough is enough.\” No!\” Adults have always been ambiguous about their children\’s behavior. In fact, they are lowering the bottom line. The attitude we really need to express is: you can be sad, angry, scared… There is no right or wrong way to these emotions, it is the behavior that is problematic. This step requires long-term guidance to teach children to express their emotions using reasonable language and behavior. When a child loses his temper, the real test is for the parents. Our tolerance and understanding are crucial to our children\’s growth. Only with education that combines understanding and guidance can children learn correct emotional management.