What should I do if my child steals money to buy snacks and then lies?

Recently, a mother sent me a WeChat message to ask for help. Here’s what happened: The child took money from home to go to the store to buy snacks today, and went with a child on the street. She also lied to me and said that the child’s grandma bought it for them. ~Then I told the kid that it was the money I gave him to buy a brush for washing pots~ I was surprised and surprised. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to beat him severely, but I held back~ But still Don\’t know how to solve this problem. After reading the message, I further communicated with the mother. It turned out that the mother was worried about her child getting sick, so she had been restricting her child from eating snacks. Unexpectedly, the child secretly took money to buy them, and made up such a lie, which made her I was very surprised and very worried that my child would \”tell me one thing and tell others another thing, for fear that he would do bad things when he grows up.\” Speaking of which, this mother is worried about three things: her children love to eat snacks, steal money, and lie. This is a problem that almost every parent will encounter. It is very representative and cannot be explained in a few words, so I I decided to discuss these three issues with you one by one. First of all, when it comes to children’s love for eating snacks, I think parents are mainly worried about the impact of junk food on their children’s health. Of course, it is best to control junk food, but it is almost impossible to completely ban it. Here I would like to share with you the story of a friend, hoping to give you some inspiration. A friend of mine has strictly prohibited her daughter from eating junk food because of her poor health. However, one time she took her daughter to play on the grass in the park and saw other children eating cookies. Her daughter kept watching until the other children left. Her daughter immediately ran over and picked up a small piece of cookie that fell on the ground. Put it in your mouth and eat it with gusto. This incident touched my friend very much. She thought that the more children are prohibited from eating snacks, the more they will stimulate their desire to eat snacks, and it will be easier for them to form unhealthy eating habits that love snacks. So she understood: It is better to block things than to block them. Later, she adopted the 80/20 rule, which means ensuring that 80% of the food in her child\’s daily diet is nutritious, and then giving her some junk food appropriately. At the same time, she also began to eat snacks with her child and enjoy the delicious food. and happiness. As a result, her daughter no longer showed a special desire for snacks. She ate every meal deliciously, and her physical condition gradually improved, and she became less and less sick. Let’s talk about the problem of children stealing money. In fact, as far as the problem encountered by this mother is concerned, as long as the problem of the child\’s love for eating snacks is solved, the problem of the child stealing money will also be solved. If you can eat the right amount of your favorite snacks every day, do you still need to steal money to buy them? At the same time, we can also give our children some pocket money and let them control it themselves. But what if the child steals other people’s things? As the old saying goes, \”Stealing needles when you are young will steal gold when you are old.\” This is also the biggest concern of many parents, but is this really the case? Let me ask you first, did you ever steal anything when you were a child? Haha, when it comes to this, let me answer frankly first. When I was a child, I often went to other people\’s fields to steal corn, fruits, etc., but I have not become a thief now! Generally speaking, children under 6 years old will not steal intentionally.We don\’t have the concept of \”ownership of items\” yet, and they often \”grab\” things they like when they see them. In addition, after the age of 4, children begin to find that what they think is different from others, so they will try to take away things that do not belong to them when others cannot see them, to see if they can be discovered by others. When a child discovers that others don\’t know about it unless they see it, they will feel very novel, so they will take other people\’s things again. We adults characterize this behavior as \”stealing\”. In fact, this is a necessary stage for children to explore other people\’s minds. . There is no word \”stealing\” in the dictionary of young children. Do not easily characterize the child\’s behavior as \”stealing\” and reprimand the child. This will make him feel a serious sense of guilt and make him feel that he is a bad child. It is even more forbidden to beat, scold and humiliate children, which may cast the shadow of a \”thief\” on the child for the rest of his life. So how to guide it? Let me share with you the story of a friend. A friend\’s son likes to eat hot dogs. One day, she gave her son 10 yuan and asked him to go to the supermarket to buy it. But when the son bought the hot dogs back, the money was a penny. The son said: \”They didn\’t see it, so I just bought it.\” Take it.\” \”Oh, you forgot to give me the money.\” The friend neither encouraged nor criticized, and listened calmly. \”Mom forgot to pay for something when she was a kid.\” She said calmly, letting the child realize that she didn\’t do anything special, and her mother also did it. \”What happened next?\” The son wanted to know the result. In fact, he knew that taking other people\’s things was wrong. \”Later, I sent the money over and told them that I forgot to give the money.\” \”Well, humans sometimes forget things.\” The son said seriously. \”Then let\’s send the money over now.\” Then, the friend took his son, explained what happened to the supermarket staff, and paid the extra money. After that, her son still often went to the supermarket to buy hot dogs, but he never \”forgot\” to pay him again. Finally, let’s talk about the problem of children lying. Many parents are extremely worried when they discover that their children have stolen and lied, just like this mother. They are afraid that their children will learn bad things and become thieves or liars when they grow up. In fact, every child will lie. When you find a child lying, it just means that he has entered a new stage of development. At first, due to the limitations of their thinking, they could not distinguish between \”reality\” and \”imagination\”, and often regarded imaginary things as real, so they often said things like \”I saw a lion on the road\” and \”No What I took was taken by that rag doll\” and so on. Later, they slowly discovered that what others think in their hearts is different from what they think. They find that others don’t know what they know, and they don’t know what others know. They feel “so amazing”, so they try Telling others something that does not exist is used to test whether others know that it did not really happen. \”Lying\” at this time has nothing to do with the moral concepts in our adults\’ minds, but is a necessary stage of children\’s psychological development. When it comes to children’s lies, it’s best not to expose them in a pretentious manner, but to guide them along the way. As far as the problem encountered by this mother is concerned, it can help the child express his wishes: \”You really hope that your mother willCan I give you some money to buy snacks? In fact, you just need to tell your mother and she will give it to you. \”Then you can discuss with your child how much pocket money is appropriate to give each week. Fortunately, although this mother wanted to give her child a good beating, she still held back. In this matter, beating and scolding is just the right amount. It will make the child feel that the mother cannot be trusted, and the child will lie out of instinctive self-protection in the future. Teacher Xiao Wu gave some suggestions to parents in the book \”Accepting Children\”: 1. When you find that your child is lying to avoid responsibility Don\’t rush to expose him, let alone torture him to extract a confession. Give him some time and space, let him help you clean up the mess, and focus his attention on the incident itself, not your emotional reaction. 2. Create a warm feeling A family environment that allows children to feel that even if they get into trouble, telling the truth will not bring disaster to them. When children confirm that there is no harm in telling the truth, they will instinctively be more willing to be honest people. 3 . If you find that your child does often \”lye\”, then before judging the child as having moral problems, it is best to reflect on: Is it too harsh on the child? Is it making the child feel the need to lie? 4. When the child admits the truth , no matter how serious the \”mistake\” is, don\’t punish him again. Don\’t force the child to admit his mistake. No child is willing to admit that he has made a mistake in front of his parents. It is a great humiliation for them to conduct a verbal review. Don\’t do it for the sake of adulthood. People\’s sense of dignity, and hurt the child\’s self-esteem. 5. To cultivate children to be honest people, parents must first set an example and teach by words and deeds. They must not only be honest with their children, never lie, keep their word, and keep their promises. We should also do these things to others in front of our children. In addition to doing the above points, we can also use the power of picture books to discuss with our children what to do after making mistakes. For example, this book \”The Rat Who Broke the Cup\” \”Little Brother\” vividly depicts the inner activities of a child after making a mistake. The little mouse was holding a plate, and the cup on the plate accidentally slipped and broke. According to past experience, he will definitely be scolded by his mother. , so he began to think about making up a story to hide it from his mother. He wanted to say that the elephant brother came over and wanted to drink water with his long trunk, and accidentally broke the cup. Then, he also thought about it, saying that the giraffe sister came over to drink water, and accidentally broke the cup. Wouldn\’t it be better if he broke the cup? Next, the little mouse thought of a series of good friends to \”take the blame\” for him. Anyway, let\’s just say that someone else broke it. But what he didn\’t expect was that just as he was thinking happily, The friends came over. The little mouse was startled and broke the cup again in full view of everyone. Now he had no choice but to run to his mother and said, \”Mom, I broke the cup.\” \”In the end, my mother didn\’t appear in the picture book, but we can imagine that my mother is usually very strict with the little mouse, but this time, I guess my mother won\’t blame the little mouse anymore, right? Looking at the mouse in the picture, The cute look of your little brother, when you think of your own child, you probably can’t get angry, right? And the child also sees himself through the picture book, and knows that his mother will not punish him for making mistakes, so heHe will also learn from Brother Rat and be an honest child. In short, no matter what mistakes their children make, parents should use the greatest goodwill to speculate on their children\’s motives, and never label their children as \”thieves\” or \”liars.\”