What should I do if my children are addicted to games? The solution can be solved in half an hour with the magic weapon of \”family meeting\”

What should I do if Chengzi loves to play games? We had a family meeting. One afternoon, when I was picking up Chengzi from school, Chengzi said, \”Mom, let\’s have a family meeting tonight.\” I asked, \”Okay, what\’s the issue?\” \”I always want to solve it. I have the problem of looking at my phone and wanting to play games.\” I was a little curious: \”Why did you suddenly want to solve this problem?\” Chengzi was a little embarrassed: \”Last night I couldn\’t help but play on my iPad while you were not at home, and it turned out that Dad saw it. But he didn\’t get angry at me.\” I understood a little bit: \”Do you think Dad\’s behavior is a little different? Instead of waiting for him to settle the score for you, and your heart is always hanging, why not take the initiative to solve the problem yourself?\” Cheng Zi said Hehehe laughed. After dinner, the family of three sat together and I chaired the meeting. Let’s first clarify the topic: Today’s topic is to solve the problem of Cheng Zi always being unable to control himself from looking at his mobile phone and playing games. Then set the program: it will take about half an hour, everyone will take turns to speak, and dad will be responsible for recording. How to discuss it? [Let’s first talk about the benefits of playing games. 】Chengzi rushed to say: \”Playing games can make me happy and change my mood! Also – I can have a common topic with my classmates. When they talk about games, I can strike up a conversation.\” Dad Chengzi and I also thought very seriously , for example, when you are bored, you can kill time, when you are tired, you can relax… We say one thing, and Orange Dad will write it down until no one can think of anything else. [Next, let’s talk about what are the disadvantages of playing games? 】The three people opened their minds and talked a lot, listing the following disadvantages: prone to myopia, a waste of time, easy to become addicted, harmful to the development of the brain (the brain will rely on timely feedback paths, which is not conducive to cultivating self-control), reduced Without time to communicate with family members, it is easy to develop a sense of comparison… The advantages are listed in a row, and the disadvantages are listed in a row. Comparing the two, everyone finds that the disadvantages of playing games are much more than the advantages. [I said: \”It seems like there are a lot of disadvantages to playing games, so let\’s think about it again, can there be other ways to replace the benefits of playing games?\”] Everyone started brainstorming together again. For example, playing games can make you happy and change your mood. Then, you can also achieve the same purpose by reading books and playing games with your parents. Playing games can create common topics with classmates. So, can we actively guide everyone\’s discussions and guide everyone to talk about higher-level and more nutritious topics? …After this analysis, we found that the benefits of playing games can be replaced by other ways. I continued: Of course, it is understandable that children like to play games. It is unrealistic to strictly prohibit playing. They can play in moderation – when to play and when not to play. It is also an exercise of one\’s own willpower and self-control. . [So, Orange, how do you plan to arrange your time for playing games? 】Chengzi thought for a while: \”Can I play for an hour every weekend? When I go on a trip, I can play for a while every day when I have nothing to do.\” Chengzi\’s father and I both agreed with this. Chengzi said, \”Then let me write a letter of guarantee.\” We said, \”No need to write, as long as you know what to do.\” Chengzi wrote it anyway. at lastThe signature is – Guarantor: Chengzi Caretaker: Chengzi and God makes me and Chengzi’s father feel very happy. Looking at the time, it has been more than ten minutes. I announced: This family meeting is over. The three of them were quite satisfied with this family meeting, and Chengzi was even more excited. He copied the minutes of the meeting again. Two weeks have passed since this family meeting. Cheng Zi no longer secretly plays with the iPad, and we no longer hide the iPad. Yesterday, during the weekend, Chengzi was playing games, and I reminded him once. When the time came, Chengzi put down his iPad. Afterwards, he said to me: \”Mom, I found that I have more self-control over playing games.\” \”That\’s good, Just make progress.\” I thought to myself: What if there is a regression in the future? ——That’s normal. Then hold a family meeting or think of other ways to solve the problem. I answered myself this way. How to hold a family meeting? Children are obsessed with games, which is a \”difficult disease\” that causes headaches for many parents. Generally speaking, there are two conventional methods: one is to strictly guard against clinging to it. Hide the iPad and eliminate all opportunities for children to play games. The result is that despite the policies and countermeasures, children will always find opportunities to play secretly. Cheng Zi said that a friend often took advantage of his father\’s sleep to steal his mobile phone to play games. The second is violent solution. If you find your child playing games, you will be yelled at or even beaten. The result of yelling is that the child thinks that he has been punished, which offsets the mistake, and the guilt is greatly weakened. Next time he has the opportunity, he will play secretly, but at most he will get yelled at. Just like Cheng Zi this time, he thought that if his father found out, he would be punished. Unexpectedly, his father didn\’t say anything, and his guilt prompted him to take the initiative to find a way to solve the problem. This is also a revelation to many parents. It’s not just about playing games, it’s also true for other problems. If the conventional methods don’t work and you don’t change after repeated admonitions, you might as well try holding a family meeting with your children. So, how should we hold a family meeting? My family\’s process is like this. [Clear the topic] What problems will this family meeting mainly solve? Initially, it is best to address only one issue at a time. [Set rules] For example, meeting time, who will host, who will take notes, time for each person to speak, meeting procedures, voting methods, etc. There is no rule without rules. My experience is that without rules, family meetings can easily get out of control. [Brainstorming] Everyone speaks freely and expresses their opinions and ideas. Others must listen carefully and record them if necessary. Specifically, I think it can be divided into several small steps: 1. Talk about your thoughts and feelings 2. Propose your own solutions 3. Discuss the feasibility of the solution As for the specific operation, it depends on the actual situation, and parents need to summarize it slowly Use experience, be creative, and try to make family meetings as fun as possible. This family meeting about playing games, actually, I didn’t think about how to proceed in detail in advance, I just followed my feelings step by step. Your own child knows best, and I believe you can find your own feelings as well. [Vote] See if everyone agrees to abide by this plan. Discussion 1Next, what should I do if I don’t follow the plan? [Summary] The summary should be positive and positive, see everyone\’s progress and good sides, and give positive feedback. In family meetings, you should pay attention to these misunderstandings [Don’t turn family meetings into criticism meetings] The biggest fear of family meetings is that they will turn into criticism meetings accidentally. Especially for children, when they express their opinions, parents often cannot help but judge or even criticize them. \”What do children know?\” \”It\’s great to think about playing games every day and focus on studying.\” \”You are too selfish. You only think about yourself and not others.\” I guarantee you that such a family meeting Once you do it once, there won\’t be a second time – even the first time will end badly. When brainstorming, try to create a positive and open atmosphere. Everyone can speak freely and express themselves candidly. This process itself has a healing effect and makes each family member\’s emotional connection closer. [Don’t turn family meetings into routines] Guidance and routines are different. Many parents will turn family meetings into a carefully disguised routine, appearing democratic, but in reality they still let the children follow their parents\’ wishes. After a few times, the child will feel \”cheated\” and he will not be willing to participate. Let the child feel that you are really thinking about the problem from his perspective, let him feel your sincerity, and everyone is convinced by the final decision. This is a successful family meeting. [Don’t turn family meetings into ideological and political classes] Parents should restrain their desire to control and teach, give everyone a chance to speak, and don’t let yourself ramble on and on long sermons like Tang Monk. Didn\’t you see that the word \”annoying\” has already been capitalized on the child\’s forehead? [It is recommended to start with smaller issues] Don’t discuss things that are difficult to discuss at the beginning. First develop the habit of each family member solving problems through family meetings. [The final decision needs to be unanimous] I have taken detours in this place. When Chengzi was in kindergarten, we had a relatively simple family meeting for a while, which ended with a show of hands and the minority obeyed the majority. At first Chengzi was happy to participate, but then he \”awoke\”: \”I don\’t want to play anymore. You have the majority every time, 2 to 1, and I listen to you every time.\” Therefore, now our family meetings strive to The final resolution reached was unanimously adopted – everyone is good, which is really good. [What to do if no resolution can be reached in the end] You can hold it again after a while. During this period, you can calm down and think of new ideas. We must learn from my country\’s foreign policy and seek common ground while reserving differences – I believe there are always more solutions than problems. [The child asked to bring the parent’s problem to the meeting for discussion, what should I do?] Just do it. How to solve children\’s problems is how to solve parents\’ problems in the eyes of children. You will know the benefits of family meetings after having one. My family does not hold family meetings very often, but I have already felt the many benefits of family meetings. I plan to continue this tradition. [Solving various \”difficult and difficult diseases\” that \”remain despite repeated education\”] If your child\’s problems give you a headache or even desperation, then try this method. Both you and your child will have new experiences and ideas. [Children learn to listen, respect their own ideas, and also learn to respect others】In family meetings, everyone will speak, and the children will find that everyone sees the problem from a different perspective, and it turns out that the matter can be viewed this way. He learned to listen to other people\’s opinions, learn to weigh the pros and cons, consider them comprehensively, and then make a judgment. Please click here to enter the image description to replace the high-definition large image [Cultivation of children\’s self-control and responsibility] When faced with children\’s problems, our customary approach is \”forbidden\”. The child\’s reaction is nothing more than resistance or compromise, which forms a controlling-controlled parent-child relationship. When we hold family meetings with our children and let them participate in problem-solving, they will realize that the matter is related to themselves and that they can decide what to do and how to do it. He has a say in this family and he can take responsibility for this matter. When a person has a sense of control over his own life, it will stimulate his sense of responsibility and self-esteem. When he does it as agreed, he will develop a sense of strength and have more confidence in himself. [Teaching children to be calm when faced with problems, and learn to negotiate and cooperate with others] It also trains children\’s problem-solving skills, instead of just reacting with fierce resistance and subordination. [Promote emotional communication as a family] Think about it, you have countless conversations with your children every day. Do you really understand what your children are thinking? How long has it been since a family understood each other\’s hearts so deeply? When you start a family meeting because of a child\’s problem, after a few times, you will find that not only the child has changed, but also the condition of every family member has improved, and the family atmosphere will become smoother and more harmonious. Why don\’t you give it a try today?