What should I do if my parents are irritable and irritable? It’s really heartbreaking for the children in this kind of family

In the past two days, the Weibo topic #Children Raised by Angry Parents has remained very popular, and the comments from netizens are also very heartfelt. \”Afraid of making mistakes, afraid of offending, afraid of conflict, afraid of being blamed, so I just obey and act timidly.\” \”Becoming very irritable, crying, and afraid of doing wrong things. I worry about small things but can\’t change them.\” \”I really don\’t want to.\” I have reconciled and want to leave this home as soon as possible…\” Their parents had bad tempers and were prone to anger since childhood, which caused great psychological damage to the children. It is said that the temper of parents determines the life of their children. Most children raised by irritable parents are sensitive, suspicious, have low self-esteem, are cowardly, suppress themselves, and want to please others. These personality traits often accompany them throughout their lives, and they want to change them, but it is really difficult. Children raised by irritable parents are very distressing. My sister-in-law\’s child is 7 years old this year. In my eyes, she is a very well-behaved and sensible child. Once, I took her to dinner with my friend and my friend’s child. We ordered a plate of fruit salad with watermelon in it. In fact, that was her favorite. But she knew that her friend’s children liked it, so she put it on that child’s plate. I asked her: Don’t you also like to eat? As a result, she said: It doesn\’t matter, just give it to her. Only then did I realize that my superficial appearance of being well-behaved and sensible was the result of suppressing my own needs. It is really heartbreaking for a child who is only 7 years old to learn to look at other people\’s eyes, always thinking about taking care of others, and ignoring his own true feelings. Another time, she came to my house to play. I raised my arm to pick up something, but she was so frightened that she curled up and stepped back, which also shocked me at the time. After chatting with her, I realized that it was because her mother had such a strong personality that she was always frightened. Because I was afraid that others would be unhappy and lose my temper, I would wrong myself. I also learned to be careful to avoid my mother’s emotional explosion anytime and anywhere. Psychologists say: Children who face their parents\’ violent tempers for a long time will become fragile and sensitive, have low self-esteem and autistic, and even lead to psychological depression. Parents do not control their emotions well and let their children pay for their bad emotions. Even after they enter adulthood, these character weaknesses will continue throughout their lives. They cannot interact with others, dare not express their thoughts, and even dare not fall in love or get married. As netizen @远行的celine said: \”The influence of the original family on people is really lingering. No matter how many years, it will be with you.\” Parents\’ violent tempers are like spiritual The virus slowly erodes the child\’s heart and will bring about a lifetime of psychological shadow. Parents who cannot control their emotions cannot truly love their children. Weibo netizens shared their own experiences on the high-speed train. A little boy took the money given by his mother to buy a lunch box. The little boy happily bought three lunch boxes and even bought his mother’s favorite Kung Pao Chicken. Unexpectedly, when the mother saw her child buying three lunch boxes, she immediately became furious and asked the child, \”I only asked you to buy one, why did you buy three?\” The father also echoed and said that his son was wrong, and his son\’s eyes were filled with tears. With tears in my eyes, very aggrieved. In the end, the mother still ignored the child\’s emotions and forcefully removed the other child.The other two lunch boxes were returned. Through the screen, you can feel the heavy and depressed mood of children when their parents are angry. Netizens left messages expressing their distress for the child. \”Obviously you can talk to your children properly\” \”My parents are like this, so I can\’t express love properly now\” Parents who can\’t speak properly don\’t know how to take into account their children\’s emotions and feelings. They just love themselves more. In the previous variety show \”Filial Son\”, Chen Qiaoen had almost no communication with his mother during the whole process, which puzzled the audience. Chen Qiaoen said: \”Because my mother is often under a lot of pressure, my mother has taught me a stick since I was a child. As a result, now I don\’t know how to talk to her. I am afraid that she will hit me at any time.\” This makes Chen Qiaoen full of fear of his mother at all times. I have always longed to get along well with my mother, but I still can\’t bridge the psychological gap. Chen Qiaoen\’s mother\’s reaction was like that of all traditional Chinese mothers. She felt that her temper and sternness were just loving her children, but she never thought about whether this kind of education was maternal love for the children. Love is gentleness, understanding and consideration. Parents who cannot control their emotions cannot truly love their children. Perhaps they just want to control their children in the name of love. We all need a reconciliation with our parents. In the third episode of \”Men Doing Housework\”, Wei Daxun talked about his childhood experiences. Once, Wei Daxun made a mistake and hid. When Wei\’s father found Wei Daxun, he beat him severely without waiting for the child to explain or paying attention to the child\’s emotions. Recalling the past, Wei Daxun had a smile on his face, but his eyes were wet, and he was looking forward to reconciliation with his father. However, Wei\’s father chose to avoid the topic by pretending to be asleep. Although his mother came out to smooth things over and said that his father hated iron at that time, the atmosphere at the scene was awkward for a time. The host said: Wei Daxun\’s father has been unwilling to talk about this topic and has been avoiding it. This way there is no way to untie Wei Daxun\’s knot. The knots accumulated over the years will only hurt yourself repeatedly in the memories. Perhaps, we all need a reconciliation with our parents. If we cannot forgive, it is better to choose to let go. An anonymous netizen on Zhihu talked about her experience: That was the beginning of my entire dark childhood. I couldn\’t communicate normally. It was a miracle that I could speak more than three sentences normally. Whenever he was dissatisfied, he would be slapped twice, punched and kicked, mixed with all kinds of swear words. When he was a child, he was always full of resentment towards his father. Finally, this netizen said: \”To be honest, I can understand it when I grow up. It\’s just the limitations of the education he received since childhood. He can\’t control his temper. He doesn\’t care about psychological education and influence at all. There is also the deep-rooted stereotype of the father-son relationship in China, and he does not know how to express love.\” The book \”Reconciliation with Parents\” writes: \”Don\’t punish yourself with your parents\’ mistakes, but let go of regrets that do not belong to you.\” I hope everyone who has suffered Only those who have been hurt by their original family can be stronger and bravely step out of the psychological haze to meet a better version of themselves. The good temper of parents is the most precious feng shui of a family. There is a passage in the book \”Original Family\”: Children absorb verbal and non-verbal information like a sponge absorbing water.It will be absorbed completely indiscriminately. They listen to what their parents say, observe how their parents behave, and imitate their parents\’ behavior. Children are the shadow of their parents. Bad-tempered parents can ruin three generations. I read a report: A film producer named Charlie Tyrell was sorting out his father Greg’s belongings and discovered that Greg’s mother was an extremely grumpy and controlling person. The reason was Greg\’s grandfather is such a person. Therefore, while Greg\’s mother hated her father, she was deeply influenced by his father\’s personality and constantly imitated and reproduced it. Eventually, after she gave birth to children, she became exactly like his father. Fortunately, his father, Greg, realized the impact of a bad temper on a child\’s life, so he created a happy and loving childhood for Charlie Tyrell. Irritable parents are a tragedy in their children\’s lives; gentle parents are a blessing in their children\’s lives. Zeng Guofan, an important official in the late Qing Dynasty, advocated \”the harmony of the family and the prosperity of everything\”. He once wrote in \”Zeng Guofan\’s Letter to the Family\”: The family should not talk about interests. It is to warn the younger brothers to adhere to an important principle when running a family – not to talk about self-interest, so as not to cause irreversible psychological damage to the family. Zeng Guofan\’s tutoring had a profound positive impact on his brothers and children, and brought long-lasting spiritual treasures to the Zeng family. This is also an important reason why the Zeng family has continued to produce talents and the family has prospered for dozens of generations. A good temper of parents is the best feng shui for the family and the most precious wealth left to their children. Some people say: A happy childhood will heal a lifetime, but an unfortunate childhood will take a lifetime to heal. From today on, I hope we can all get rid of the quagmire of our original families, let go of the past, and become confident, sunny, kind and brave people. Know love in your life and be loved in the rest of your life.