What should parents do if their children \”steal things\”?

A friend complained to me: Recently, when she was washing her children\’s clothes, she always found some small things she had never seen before in her pockets. Sometimes, it’s shiny beaded flowers and exquisite and lovely shell necklaces; sometimes it’s a small ethnic-style purse with gorgeous and elegant tassels. Our country has an old saying since ancient times: \”Steal needles when you are young, steal gold when you grow up.\” When my friend saw this scene, he couldn\’t help but worry, so he brought his three-year-old daughter in for \”interrogation\” and asked her where the things came from. The daughter was very generous and replied that she got it from a good friend\’s house. \”Why are you taking the children\’s things?\” Mom asked a little angrily. The daughter was a little surprised when her mother was angry, so she explained that she took these because she liked them. Moreover, my good friend’s mother often buys her various things. There are many fun things at home, and even if they are taken away, she will still be the same. My friend said in annoyance that it was already a headache for her when the child took other people\’s things, but she didn\’t expect that she still didn\’t repent and didn\’t feel that she had done something wrong at all. This was too bad. This reminds me of my three-year-old nephew. His parents are too busy at work, so they often leave him at my place and I will help take care of him. One time I was going to wash his schoolbag and found some plastic miniatures of little trucks and monsters in the schoolbag. His parents never bought these for him, fearing that he would put the small toys in his mouth and get stuck in his trachea. So I asked him where it came from. \”She\’s from kindergarten.\” He answered honestly. I taught him to take the things back to the kindergarten tomorrow. They are for the children to play with together and cannot be used by one person. He seemed to understand and nodded obediently. But after a while, I discovered that there was a robot in his bag with a label on it, the kind of label used in kindergartens to number toys. Now I had a big head, so I had to study the behavioral psychology of children, and then ask teachers majoring in psychology. Then I discovered that according to the child\’s psychology, this kind of behavior that occurs around the age of three is not really \”stealing\” and cannot be defined as a very bad behavior. Because at this time, the child\’s three views are still gradually forming and have not yet been finalized, and his sense of ownership is still very vague. In his little mind, there may not be a clear sense of boundaries. Within the scope of his cognitive ability, there is no concept of \”yours\” and \”mine\”. Even if he is vaguely aware that this thing may belong to someone else, at this stage, the child\’s judgment of right and wrong is still weak, and he is relatively self-centered. He does not have as strong and resolute restraint on himself as an adult. So, he likes it, he has it, all of this is done innocently and naturally. However, everything has its cause, and a child\’s behavior will not be without reason, just like trees always have roots and running water always has a source. Sometimes, when children take things belonging to their friends, they feel a bit like a drunkard who is not interested in drinking. On the surface, they just like other people\’s things. Deep down in their hearts, they are too eager for their parents\’ care. When they cannot get it, they resort to taking other people\’s things to satisfy themselves. At the same time, they hope that through such behavior, they can arouse their parents\’ attention.. In the American TV series \”Desperate Housewives\”, housewife Lynette has four naughty children and an immature husband. She is busy all day long, focusing on one thing and not the other. Her children were not taken care of. On the one hand, they wanted to satisfy themselves, and on the other hand, they wanted their mother to pay attention to them, so they learned to \”steal\”. They hide various things from other people\’s homes, such as clocks, toys, etc., in small rooms. When surrounded by these things, they feel like they\’re getting the love they were missing, the gifts their mom didn\’t buy them. They also \”stole\” a beautiful flower pot, planted flowers, and gave it to their mother as a Mother\’s Day gift, hoping to attract her attention. Of course it is wrong to take other people\’s things, but what they do is indeed an instinctive reaction to make up for the loneliness in their hearts. This is actually the case with my friend\’s children. After taking the child to return the toy to the friend, the friend learned through conversation that the girl’s parents were very concerned about their daughter: they would read stories with their daughter after get off work at night, and they would video chat with her daughter when they went out. The parents went on a business trip to Qingdao and had a busy schedule, but they still brought back a coral bonsai and a shell necklace for their daughter. When I went to Yunnan to work on a project, I was very busy, but I still thought about my daughter and bought her a small ethnic-style purse and a pendant made of scented wax. As for my friend\’s children, they often play at other people\’s houses and witness all this. Then they think about their parents, who don\’t even have time to spend with them, and they don\’t even think about themselves. So, being sensitive, she naturally felt dissatisfied and began to take other people\’s things to please herself, take care of herself, give herself gifts, and give herself a little happiness and satisfaction. Although the friend is actually kind to the child, allowing her to eat well and wear warm clothes, however, if the child has a well-off material environment but does not receive constant companionship and ubiquitous care, he will naturally become dissatisfied. There is a saying in the parenting world: \”The happiness of a child does not depend on how much care the parents give, but how much care the child feels.\” Sometimes, your efforts and dedication do not make him feel satisfied. Just like what we often say: \”I like eating apples, but you gave me a cart of pears, and then you said you were moved by yourself, and asked me why I wasn\’t moved. I was speechless. I just like It\’s just an apple. You love me the way you do, but you ignore whether what you give me is what I want.\” Companionship is the best love for children. Even if he is given fine clothes, fine food, a BMW, and a carved car, it may not be as good as being surrounded by his family all the time. Even if someone else is with him and treats him well, he will still miss his family very much. Just like my little nephew, because his family is too busy, he often can\’t see them. So, he would often say to me seriously: \”Auntie, you are a good person, but I still want to be with my mother.\” The first time I heard this statement, I laughed out loud and thought it was like a Adults are giving good people cards to others and want to break up with them. But after hearing it too much, I stopped laughing. Behind these words, there is a sense of sadness and a persistent call. In the heart of a child, the status and role of parents are almost unparalleled and irreplaceable. No matter how nice others are to him, they can\’t fill it upTo fill the emptiness in his heart, he still looked forward to that unique warmth. Life is always in a hurry, time flies by like an arrow, and time flows faster than we can imagine. All children only have one childhood that cannot be regained, and we only have this opportunity to accompany them in their shoes. This kind of companionship can not only keep them physically and mentally healthy and abandon undue habits, but also, for parents, if they do their best at this time, they will have no regrets in the future. I once read this passage in a book: \”When we are exhausted for life, life has left us. Our children are growing up, the people we love leave, our body shapes change, and we Our dreams are also slipping away quietly. In a word, we have missed life.\” In life, the family love that is thicker than water, the family joy of companionship and coexistence, are not to be missed and indispensable for children. As busy people, we must also remember to take some time out from our busy schedule, use our own company to eliminate the sources of bad habits in our children, and give our children and ourselves some time together. Many times, children take other people\’s things because they lack companionship and are neglected. Sometimes, children \”steal\” things because they are treated unfairly. For example, in kindergarten, if you don\’t get to play with a certain toy, you are bullied by your classmates, or criticized by the teacher, you will simply use \”stealing\” to vent your dissatisfaction. At this time, the best way is to be calm, encourage him to express his thoughts, and then use reason to move his emotions. Let him know that the things belong to others and cannot be taken randomly. If the things are missing, others will also be sad. , and take advantage of the situation to encourage him to face the matter correctly, return the things, and establish reasonable concepts in the future. Knowing his mistakes can make a lot of improvements. If the parent is full of anger at this time and is too strict with him, it will arouse his resistance. He knows that such things can annoy his parents, so he may develop the bad habit of taking other people\’s things and let this behavior solidify into his psychological needs. Because, in this way, he wants to break his parents\’ rules and fight back and \”challenge\” adults. When a child sees it, it can trigger strong emotional fluctuations in adults, attract double attention from adults, and he may even feel a sense of pride. Therefore, the most important thing about being a parent is ultimately a matter of \”degree\”. When a child develops this habit, we can neither ignore it nor let it go, nor can we overreact and make the child more rebellious. In the process of children\’s growth, various situations are inevitable. However, through our patience, meticulousness, and self-examination, we will be able to overcome difficulties together with our children. Educator Suhomlinsky said: \”When you educate your children, you are educating yourself and testing yourself.\” Sometimes, the most important thing is not what happened, but how we realize how to do it through what happened. Improve and improve, learn from each other, constantly improve, and experience this precious, short-lived childhood with your children, and it is even more beautiful because of its short time.