What should parents do if they blame their children wrongly?

Once when I was taking my baby out, I met a mother who was reprimanding her child. People around her said, \”Stop disturbing the child. It\’s not his fault. You didn\’t see it just now. It was xxx…\” The mother refused to let her go: \” Regardless of whether it\’s his fault or not, he can\’t escape today\’s beating!\” It\’s really difficult for parents to apologize to their children. The difficulty is not that it is difficult to pronounce the words \”I\’m sorry\”, but that it is difficult to switch identities. I am used to showing off my power, but suddenly lowering my head is a bit difficult to control. My father is the kind of person who squeezes \”I\’m sorry\” through his teeth. When he apologizes, you have to hold your breath. You may lose your hearing even if you take a breath. This is especially true when apologizing to a child. I often put on a straight face, just hum, and that\’s it. One time I pretended to look for something quickly, and he asked me what are you looking for? I said to find a charging cable to charge you, I\’m afraid the battery is low! The father glared at me and raised his voice slightly, not much louder than the sound of a mosquito… I had an in-depth conversation with the father. Why did he find it so difficult to apologize to his child? He kept talking for half an hour. I sorted it out and found that it could be summed up in three words – \”losing face\”. I felt a little embarrassed and embarrassed to apologize to a child. In fact, I think that although this is a hurdle, it is not a big problem, especially for mothers. After all, after having been with children for a long time, even adults have a similar mentality to children, so it is not difficult to speak. The main thing is to see how well the child accepts the apology. Therefore, apologizing to children is also a technical job. Three steps to apologize to your children. First, find the right time to apologize. When children are playing, studying, or doing things they are interested in, these are not the best times. Apologize to your child in a situation where he is relatively relaxed. If he is busy with other things, even if he hears the apology, he may not have time to respond to you. At this time, your frustration may be very strong, and the effect of an apology will be difficult to achieve. For example, when you have a meal together, or you play games together, do crafts, and chat about a pleasant time, it is all okay. I apologize to my children at the dinner table, which works better. Because the whole family is here, it\’s more grand. The child is eating, and the satisfaction of the food in his mouth, combined with hearing his mother\’s apology, makes it easier to accept. One time after I apologized to my child at the dinner table, we talked about something he had never told me before, which shocked and comforted me. When your child is relaxed, it is easier for him to listen when you tell him something. Moreover, they may also chat with you about their own opinions and other things, which can be said to kill two birds with one stone. Secondly, choose the right words. Recommended must-read parenting books for parents: Don’t Think You Understand Your Child’s Heart eBook Download Apologizing to your child is not just about saying “Mom is wrong” or “I’m sorry”. In this case, the child will not feel any sincerity. , it is also difficult to bring about thinking. It is recommended to use \”Mom wants to talk to you about xxx. I feel that I did something wrong because…\” This way, the child can have a chance to recall, rehearse the matter in his mind, and know where he was wrong at that time. Where is it? Why is mom angry? Finally with the kidsZi said that he had done something wrong and asked for his forgiveness. I believe that through such a dialogue, not only can the child accept your apology, but it can also become clearer that you are a good mother who loves him very much and cares about his feelings. Finally, ask your children to evaluate your apology. If you are a parent who often apologizes to your children, you don’t need to do this. Maybe you are slowly getting along and accepting each other’s ways of doing things and parenting attitudes. If you are not a parent who often apologizes to your children, you can ask your children to evaluate your apology after you apologize. How does he feel about your apology? Have you really forgiven your mother? Are there any areas where you feel uncomfortable? Or, where does the mother need to improve and adjust? Taking advantage of the opportunity to apologize and letting your children open up to you is a good opportunity to repair the parent-child relationship! You will also find that, in fact, children like mothers who know how to show weakness! Apologizing to your children is actually optimizing your parenting style. Have you ever discovered that children grow in stages? Why do some parenting methods work well in the past, but no longer work? If you yell at a child under two years old, he will remember it for several days. A child of four or five years old will cry if you yell at him, and if you yell again, he will get angry with you. For an eight or nine-year-old child, before you yell, he starts to reason with you (make excuses). Eleven-year-old or twelve-year-old child, you don’t dare to yell at all? Child psychologist Piaget proposed the theory of moral cognitive development based on the study of children\’s cognitive development. He divided children\’s moral cognitive development into four stages. These four stages span 2- 12 years old. From the table above, we can find that children\’s growth is formed step by step from \”heteronomy\” to \”self-discipline\”. Children in the \”heteronomous\” stage absorb unknown things around them like a sponge. No matter whether it is good or bad, they only know that they judge right and wrong based on the \”consequences of behavior.\” Being scolded by my mother means that I did something wrong, and being praised by my mother means that I did something right. But as they grow up, children\’s moral development also enters a new stage. They gradually tend to be fair and just, and will no longer succumb to specific rules and authority. The manifestation is that he is not so obedient and likes to talk back. Therefore, apologizing to your children is essentially optimizing your parenting model. Let parents better understand the growth and changes of their children, and also establish correct values ​​for them. If they make mistakes, they must apologize. This is true for both adults and children. \”The Five Languages ​​of Apology\” says: A sincere apology is a gift to the offended person. It is intended to convey that you care about the relationship with the other person and open the way for sincere forgiveness and reconciliation. Yes, what children need most in their growth is firm belief and equal respect from their parents. If you can still talk to your child calmly and even apologize after an argument with him, you are treating your child as an independent adult and giving them equal respect. Therefore, apologizing to children is not only to obtain forgiveness or to give yourself psychological comfort, but more importantly, to face your own mistakes and pass on this courage to your children. My father has always claimed to be a \”hard-blooded man who never bows his head or kneels down\”, but I have also made new discoveries in the past few years. I found that his voice of apologizing to his children became louder and louder, and his attitude became more and more…Sincere. And the children are more willing to stick to their father. Therefore, a sincere apology to your child is actually the lubricant of the parent-child relationship, so you don’t have to feel too awkward!