What should we do when children make mistakes?

When discussing childcare issues with her unmarried cousin, she raised confusion. She said: \”I have always had a question. When an adult breaks a bowl, we don\’t blame him. We all think it was caused by carelessness. But when a child breaks a bowl, the adult\’s first reaction is to blame him for being so careless. !\” Her question hit my heart, because not long ago, I blamed my son for accidentally knocking over a flower pot with a basketball. At that time, I just felt an unknown anger rising up. Why was such a big kid so careless? Why are you causing so much trouble for me? This incident is of the same nature as what my cousin said. If the same thing happens and an adult makes a mistake, the response will be tolerance and forgiveness. But what children get is blame and even disgust! Such a conclusion forces me to face this issue squarely. When children make mistakes and adults blame them for parenting, many parents have experienced similar parenting methods. From the perspective of adults, no matter whether a child makes a mistake intentionally or unintentionally, the first thing they want to do is educate and blame them. Why is there such a \”conditioned reflex\”? Through conversations with friends around me, I got the following 3 points. Reason 1: Adults are emotionally unstable. When a child makes a mistake unintentionally, the parent may be in a bad mood. For example, trivial matters in life, work pressure in the workplace, complex interpersonal relationships, etc., etc., etc., etc., may cause parents to vent their unstable inner emotions to their children immediately when they face their children making mistakes. Reason two: Adjust the child\’s behavior. Faced with the baby\’s misbehavior, parents will feel that it does not meet their expectations: he should be a polite and well-behaved child, not behaving irritably like he is now! In order to correct a child\’s behavior, parents will directly blame the child or make demands. Reason 3: Expressing concern for a child with a sense of blame is a parent’s emergency response. When they feel that their children have made mistakes such as breaking things, they will reflexively think that this will hurt the children themselves, so their inner concern and anxiety turn into blame, and they vent their anger towards the children. The impact of blaming on children is that some parents are typical \”pronounced\” parents. After blaming their children, they begin to regret and reflect: How did I become a mother? He is still a child. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Yes, whenever I blame my children, I always feel regretful, and I try to find ways to compensate them, which will be better for them over a period of time. But the love that makes up for it later cannot dissipate the impact of being blamed first when you make a mistake. After children make mistakes, they themselves feel anxious, and parents\’ blame will bring them a lot of pressure and emotional distress. Impact 1: Children become timid and cowardly. Parents are the people closest to their children. They rely on and trust their parents. But parents\’ blame will make children timid and cowardly, doing things cautiously and acting based on their parents\’ faces. Gradually, children will bring this way of living based on their parents\’ opinions to the workplace.In interpersonal interactions, he becomes a pleaser who loses himself. Such children will feel aggrieved throughout their lives and find it difficult to achieve happiness. Impact 2: Gradually learn to lie. At the family gathering organized by the company, everyone comes with their family members. An incident occurred during this period. Pengpeng, the son of colleague Xiao Chen, accidentally touched the skewers on the ground. But when Xiao Chen asked calmly, Pengpeng subconsciously pointed his finger at the other children. As someone who witnessed the whole process, I did not expose Pengpeng, but judging from Pengpeng\’s performance, it was not the first time that he lied. Later, during a chat with Xiao Chen, I learned that when Pengpeng made a mistake, his parents would blame him. After a few times, the child learned to lie. Parents think that lying is a bad habit for their children, but sometimes they lie to \”protect themselves.\” Impact 3: The parent-child relationship becomes fragile. Every time a parent blames me, it is a question for the child: My parents always scold me, do they not love me? If things go on like this, they will have less and less trust in their parents, especially in adolescence, when they will become very rebellious. Treat children positively and make mistakes. How can any child be born perfect? The growth of every child is a process of constant trial and error. If parents do not allow their children to make mistakes, it will damage their children\’s ability to explore and turn them into frightened birds. Life is a long road and they will become very hard. There is no child who does not make mistakes. When faced with a child making a mistake, what parents should do is provide positive guidance! First, stay calm and focus on your child\’s emotional needs. Parents are many years older than their children and should have stable emotions. Therefore, when their children make mistakes, parents should stay calm and then pay attention to their children\’s emotional needs. Comfort children and free them from fear and guilt. The best way to teach positive behavior to children is to teach them how to own their mistakes and think about how to avoid them happening again. Secondly, learn to listen to your children. Children have the freedom of expression. When they make mistakes, parents should give their children the opportunity to \”complain\” and listen to their voices instead of scolding and ignoring the children\’s voices. If children understand their mistakes and are willing to admit them, adults should acknowledge them and encourage them to find correct solutions. Finally, set a good example for your children. Parents are their children\’s first teachers. Whatever you teach, your children will learn. It\’s not because every child is eager to learn, but because their imitation ability is extremely strong. Simply put, how parents treat their children is how their children will treat others and the next generation. In this way, wrong education methods are likely to be passed down from generation to generation. If we want our children to acquire the right values ​​and attitudes, then we ourselves must be experts in this field and set a good example for our children. Doing so not only helps our children grow, but also creates a better future for ourselves. Parents\’ loud accusations are not correct guidance and education for children, but a kind of negative energy, a \”ticking time bomb\” that destroys children\’s healthy growth. Parents should pay attention to their usual tone and education methods, and avoid overly criticizing and blaming their children. Even if the purpose is to make their children better, they should not use this method.Deal with your child\’s mistakes.