What should you do when your child doesn’t want to share?

\”Everything must be placed where she expects it to be. If others touch it, she will be upset. Is this obsessive-compulsive disorder? Also, how should I teach her to share? Everything I bought her, I Can\’t move…\” A friend sent a WeChat message to complain. He felt that his three-year-old child did not know how to share with others, and even felt a bit obsessive-compulsive. I told him not to easily label symptoms for children. During this period, the child is likely in the process of forming a sense of self-boundary. Perhaps, she seems a little sensitive, even a little obsessive. Her inner world of self is being constructed. This inner world has boundaries just like our borders. This is the psychological boundary, which can prompt children to form a sense of rules and self-awareness in their inner world. The growth process of a child is a process of self-construction. (01) Initially, children distinguish themselves from others by possessing things that belong to themselves. Because only when a child can own something of his own, and this thing completely belongs to him. Only when the child has absolute control and ownership of the item can the child feel the existence of \”I\”, which is an extension of the self. However, we adults often feel confused about this and sometimes feel embarrassed about it. We will use an adult perspective and habitually interpret these behaviors of children as manifestations of selfishness. For example, my friend mentioned that the child does not allow him to touch the toys, even if he bought them for the child. It can be seen that my friend is very troubled by this matter, and he also wants to know how to teach his children to share with others. However, we must know that when we buy a toy, whether it is for a child or a gift to a child, when it finally reaches the child\’s hands, it should belong to him. If this is something that belongs to the child, then the child should have the right to dispose of his belongings. In real life, we often hinder the face between adults, and sometimes we may ask our children to be courteous and share. When children don\’t want to, it becomes awkward between adults. Some parents will induce or even ask their children to share with others. For example, we often hear, \”Why are you so naughty? Why are you so selfish? Come on and let the children play.\” Or say to the child, \”Be generous! Children who share with others are good children. This is great!\” The child may be forced to obey his parents and reluctantly share toys that he does not want to share with others. . This will cause children to wonder why they don\’t really own their things and may be snatched away by other children at any time. And if children are forced to share their things with others, it will also easily lead to another thought in the children: My things have been forced to be shared with others, so can I also use this method to share my things with others? What about getting something that belongs to someone else? (02) These will only make children feel insecure about whether they can have their own things. He will become unable and unwilling to truly share, because he is always in a state of fear of himself.The plundered state of the West. When a child never feels truly owned, he is unlikely to be willing to truly share. At the same time, these will destroy the child\’s inner sense of security and destroy his or her own psychological boundaries. When the child\’s boundaries are not respected, the child will naturally learn not to respect the boundaries of others. Others are due to parental inducement. In order to gain the approval of their parents, children share their own things even though they are reluctant. Because only in this way can we be a good child in the eyes of our parents, and only in this way can we be the correct way of life expected by others. In this case, the child\’s self will slowly be based on the opinions of others. We cannot face our own hearts sincerely, and we become concerned about other people\’s evaluations and opinions. It is difficult for us to reject others, because we feel embarrassed, or we are afraid of hurting the feelings of both parties, or even worried about what others will think of us, but in fact we do not want to agree to the other party. Our painful and tangled behavior patterns are often instilled in our children at this time. Sharing with others should be based on inner volition. Only such sharing is true and sincere, and is not forced by external pressure to please others\’ needs. (03) So, how can we make children willing to enjoy sharing from the bottom of their hearts? First, you need to respect your children. Respect children’s right to own and dispose of things that belong to them. Suggest, but don\’t interfere. Second, when a child faces a shared problem, tell him clearly and support him. This is your thing. You can choose to share it or not. This is your right. There is no right or wrong. Third, when your children want to share your things, such as when they want to play with your mobile phone. If you don\’t want to, you can clearly tell him that this item has other uses and is not suitable for sharing with you, but your parents love you very much and are willing to share other things with you. Children are afraid of being rejected because they always think that rejection means they are no longer loved. Children all hope to be recognized by their parents. Only when they are recognized can they be considered loved. So when you reject your child, please remember to tell him that you love him very much! In life, slowly cultivate children\’s sense of boundaries. When children can establish their own sense of boundaries, they can also respect the boundaries of others. When children can distinguish their attitudes toward things and people, they can easily refuse unreasonable requests from others, and they can also accept them calmly when they are rejected by others. When you share it with others, you can also be happy from the bottom of your heart.