What smart mothers do when their children make mistakes

A few days ago, I was touched by several videos of parents disciplining their children: On January 15, at the gate of a primary school in Jiangxi, a little boy was punished by his father to kneel on the ground to do his homework because he had not finished his homework and deceived his father that he had finished it. On January 16, on a busy street in Guiyang, a boy played \”Honor of Kings\” and unknowingly spent 3,000 yuan. His father made him kneel on the roadside and beg for money. On January 17, a boy was tied to the back of a motorcycle by his mother on a road in Zhaotong, Yunnan. Because he took 2,000 yuan from his mother, he was punished like this by his mother. When a child makes a mistake, there is nothing wrong with parents punishing him appropriately, but should he be punished in public? Zheng Yuanjie said: The trump card to completely destroy a child is to humiliate him in front of outsiders (or classmates, relatives, friends, or neighbors), belittle him, and make him feel ashamed. The shameful reason for raising a child in public is just to make him admit his mistakes and make him feel guilty. But when a child is surrounded by people, his first psychological reaction is shame. Guilt is a normal psychological reaction that only creates beliefs about the behavior itself: I broke the rules, I did something wrong. Shame is a personal feeling, a belief that arises from the person as a whole: I am stupid, I have no value, I am not liked. Psychology says: The most negative human emotion is neither sadness nor anger, but shame. Someone on Zhihu said: When I was in the second grade, I was assigned by my class teacher to do something I couldn’t do well, and then I was pointed out and scolded in public. From then on, there was a fragile, clumsy, inferior, incompetent and dark little girl hidden in my heart. , followed her like a shadow, from elementary school to university, and all the way abroad. Even though I am now ranked in the top 10% of the world in GMAT, only I know, only I know, how incompetent, how bad, how ugly, how inferior I am… In childhood The resulting sense of shame will plague a person\’s life. Many foreign studies have shown that children with a higher sense of shame have lower prosocial behavior as adults and are more likely to develop addictive and extreme behaviors. Psychological boundaries are violated and a sense of security is lost. Everyone has their own inner boundaries. When they are disciplined and punished in full view of the public, their inner world often collapses. In severe cases, it can immediately trigger extreme behaviors such as depression, misanthropy, and suicide. ●On May 12, 2017, a 14-year-old boy in Quanzhou jumped from the 17th floor of his community after being publicly criticized by his teachers and parents for playing with his mobile phone and died in public. ●In 2014, at Chengguan No. 1 Middle School in Yun County, Shiyan, Hubei Province, an eighth-grade boy committed suicide by jumping off the building after being publicly criticized by his teacher for not observing discipline in class. ●In 2013, at No. 35 Middle School in Liuzhou City, Guangxi, a girl jumped to her death after being criticized by her teacher for publicly educating her in the classroom by using a multimedia device to download games in violation of school regulations. …My self-esteem has been damaged for some time. A video of a 10-year-old boy roaring for \”dignity\” was circulated on the Internet. He was once teased by his classmates like a \”bald guy\” because of an injury that prevented his hair from growing back. He fought back and was punished by security guards. Facing the camera, he shouted out what was in his heart: \”Even if I get beaten, I still want dignity.\” Self-esteem is based on the evaluation of others.In front of everyone, all the children\’s self-esteem will be destroyed if their parents expose the wrong things they have done. Some children whose self-esteem is often damaged will become more and more sensitive, irritable and irritable, while others will have low self-esteem, introversion and unsociability. Copying parents’ behavior In psychology, the result of disciplining and punishing children is called social learning. How we treat our children is how our children will treat us and others. In \”Metamorphosis\”, there is a very violent and rebellious boy Liang Jiaming, who was born with a golden key in his mouth. But the biggest problem in his family is hereditary domestic violence! Grandpa beats father, father beats son! The constant corporal punishment in childhood caused Jiaming to never sit down and chat with his parents since he was 8 years old, let alone eat at the same dining table. His father even had to lock the door tightly when he went to bed at night, fearing that his son would rush in. Come in and use the knife on him! Liang Jiaming said about his father: Unless he kneels down for me, I will forgive him if he kneels down for me! Parents need to pay attention to punishing their children in the following situations. There is no need to punish some mistakes due to lack of ability. For example, a child accidentally dropped a cup or was slow to eat. This is because the child is young and has not reached the level of ability. It is an inevitable process for them to grow up. Every child has had it before, including ourselves. . There is a story that has been circulated on the ignorant Internet: a father saw his 3-year-old child scratching randomly on the newly purchased car. He was so angry that he maimed the child\’s hand. Only then did he see that the child wrote: Dad, I love you. At this time, I regretted it too much. The 3-year-old child did not understand the difference between the car and the paper on the ground. Some mistakes are because they don\’t understand. We must let them know why and where they are wrong. We made the same mistake. I once saw a father throw a cigarette butt directly on the ground. The three-year-old child behind him also threw the candy wrapper in his hand on the ground. The father asked the child to pick up the candy wrapper. The child felt wronged: Dad, you I also threw the cigarette butts on the ground. The power of role models is infinite. If a child makes a mistake because he imitates us, who should be punished first? Emotions cannot be controlled. A child makes a big mistake, and parents cannot control their emotions when they are angry. At this time, whether it is \”violent punishment\” or \”non-violent punishment\” for the child, it may be \”too severe.\” Just like some time ago, the 9-year-old boy who lost his mobile phone was beaten to death by his mother. How many parents have lost control of their emotions and done things to their children that they will regret for the rest of their lives. Therefore, before educating and disciplining our children, we should deal with our own emotions first and then deal with our children\’s affairs. The famous educationist Makarenko said: Criticism is not only a means, but also an art and a kind of wisdom. Improper punishment may affect children throughout their lives, leaving a psychological shadow on them. When they grow up, they may have a cold relationship with us, may have serious violent tendencies, may have low self-esteem, and may be afraid of getting into trouble. Educate them in time and give them a boundary between right and wrong. When Liu Tao participated in the reality show \”Cute Little Adults\”, Taylor and Zheng Ziqi got into a fight over a toy. Liu Tao did not criticize him at the first moment, but first understood what happened and discovered that Taylor had lied. . Regarding this kind of lying, Liu Tao said that she could not condone it. She said, \”We cannot let the child feel that he can benefit from lying. This will encourage his behavior.\” She directly took Taylor to watch the surveillance video and guided him.Taylor realizes his mistake and his inability to control his emotions. Every child will be confused and make mistakes on the road of life. When we discover problems, we should promptly correct and guide them instead of pampering and pampering. This is the true love for our children. Encourage the courage to face mistakes. On November 13, 2017, 10-year-old Xiaojun pressed the buttons from the 4th to 30th floors before getting out of the elevator on the 3rd floor, and then received a complaint from the owner. After Mr. Chen found out, educating his children to press the elevator buttons indiscriminately would not only delay other people from taking the elevator, but also affect the safety of the operation. He then suggested that the father and son write a review together. Mr. Chen said, \”Dad did not educate you well, and he is also responsible. Let\’s write it together.\” When a child makes a mistake, he or she needs to learn to take responsibility. A child who has the courage to take responsibility can turn back in time even if he deviates from the path of life. Giving children enough time to grow up always requires a process, and some mistakes take time to correct. In the fifth issue of \”Cute Little Adults\”, after Taylor was discovered tampering with the electrostatic ball without the doctor\’s permission, Ziqi Beibei took the initiative to explain the whole story. Taylor also once again showed his responsibility as a \”man\” and admitted that he was the one responsible. A mistake was made. In the first issue, Taylor lied to cover up his mistakes. Now, after realizing his mistakes, he can bravely admit them. This is a big step for their healthy growth. Tell your children: I will always stand with you. Sayaka, the heroine in the Japanese film \”Bottom Hot Girl\”, started out as a little girl who had nothing to do every day except eating, drinking and having fun, but no matter how bad she behaved or what her academic performance was, Even though she was ignored by her teachers and laughed at by her classmates, her mother always told her: Mom supports you. With her mother\’s constant companionship and support, Sayaka went from being a little girl with the lowest grades to being admitted to a prestigious Japanese university, Keio University. Being with you is the greatest psychological support for your child. We should always be with our children and face the consequences of their mistakes together, instead of blindly blaming and criticizing. Tenderly but firmly adhere to principles. When actor Mei Ting took her 3-year-old daughter Kuai Kuai to participate in \”Mom is Superman\”, a family of three came to the supermarket and Kuai Kuai took a photo of the little sister with a balloon and refused to apologize. Mei Ting insisted. He quickly apologized to his sister and said it was a \”matter of principle.\” She said: \”We must quickly understand that if you do something wrong, you must apologize to others.\” A story circulating on the communication guidance Internet goes like this: In a shopping mall, a child about five or six years old wearing a Superman mask The boy jumped up and down the escalator. After a while his father came over, pulled him aside and scolded him: \”I told you not to play around here! Are you desperate for your life?\” The little boy was not convinced, took off his mask and shouted: \”Heroes are not afraid of death. Yes!\” His father was stunned after hearing this, then squatted down and held his shoulders and said earnestly: \”A hero will not risk his life for fun. A real hero will only risk his life when protecting important people. .\” The little boy thought for a while, nodded vigorously, and then they walked away hand in hand. This is the right way to communicate with your children. American writer Jenny Arim said: It is not terrible for children to have shortcomings.The terrible thing is that parents, who are the guides of their children\’s lives, lack correct concepts and methods of parenting. Being a parent is a process of continuous practice and learning. May we learn as we go and grow with our children in love.