What to do if a child has psychological problems

In many families, parents are always troubled by various problems in their children: some children procrastinate in homework; some children learn to lie; some children go out and beat others;… When encountering such problems, most parents will adopt Criticize, accuse, or persuade and educate, hoping that they can correct their bad behavior. But the result is that the more educated parents are, the more problems their children have. In fact, many parents only see the problems in their children and do not see the problems in themselves. Professor Li Meijin said: \”Parents are a mirror for their children, and many of their children\’s problems can be traced to their parents.\” 01 Parents\’ involvement makes children lose their autonomy in homework. A few days ago, I saw a video on the Internet. A mother was so angry that she was crying because her child was procrastinating on homework. Many parents are like this. When their children are doing homework, they habitually participate in it and let their children follow their instructions. As a result, problems arise that should not have arisen in the first place. The children start to procrastinate or even cope with their homework. As time goes by, some children even need their parents to pick up their homework books, as if homework has nothing to do with them. Decoding Adolescence free full text reading pdf+epub+azw3 In fact, every child wants to complete their homework well and get good grades. If parents completely let go and give their children freedom, they can do well. Next, I will tell a story about Mr. Tao Xingzhi feeding chickens with rice. After reading this story, you will have the answer in your mind. When Tao Xingzhi once gave a speech at Wuhan University, he specially brought a rooster and a handful of rice. He took out a handful of rice and sprinkled it on the table. Then he pressed the rooster\’s head and forced the rooster to eat the rice. The rooster only crowed but did not eat. Then, he forcefully opened the rooster\’s mouth and stuffed rice into its mouth. The rooster still struggled hard and refused to eat a grain of rice. After that, he took the initiative to take a few steps back and stood aside, while the rooster took the initiative to eat the rice. Our education of children is like feeding rice to chickens. Every child has a desire for autonomy and self. Parents must trust their children and let them complete their homework independently. Parental control actually makes children lose their autonomy and makes them wonder whose responsibility it is to do homework. Some children mistakenly thought that he was writing homework for their parents. Parents may wish to withdraw from their children\’s learning, which will yield unexpected results. 02 If a child lies, parents are also responsible. One Sunday afternoon I received a call from a parent. She said that her child lied and was beaten by her in the morning. She went out and hasn\’t come back yet, so she is very worried. I was very anxious when I received this call. Her home was very close to my office, so I immediately got up and went out to look for the child with her parents. We searched for more than three hours and found the girl in the garden of a community near her home. She was sitting on a chair in a daze. I asked the girl: \”Why did you lie?\” She said: \”The last time I took the Chinese test, I got 80 points, and my mother beat me. This time I only got over 70 points. I was afraid that my mother would hit me, so I just She lied. This morning, my mother looked through my schoolbag and saw my papers. She found out that I lied and beat me again.\” In fact, this mother has a hot temper and often beats her children.son. If the mother didn\’t spank the child, would the child still lie? The answer is: definitely not. When children have problems, parents must first reflect on themselves and see what problems they have. If you try to change yourself, your children will change too. 03Domestic violence is also learned from parents. Susan Forward wrote in \”Families of Origin\”: Parents who physically harm their children often grow up in violent families themselves, and most of their child abuse behaviors in adulthood are a replay of their childhood experiences and perceptions. . This is in accordance with an old Chinese saying: A dragon begets a dragon, a phoenix begets a phoenix, and a mouse\’s son can make holes. Yesterday, I saw another video of domestic violence on the Internet. A man grabbed a woman\’s hair with both hands, pulled her to the ground, and kicked her head hard. The aunt was holding a child who seemed to be only two or three years old. , has been fighting. When this man committed domestic violence, did he ever think that his children would beat others in the future? If parents usually use force to solve problems, the child will definitely do so because he has learned this way of solving problems through observation in life. If parents utter arrogant words, reprimand, and accuse others every day, then their children will treat others in the same way. Therefore, when parents solve their children\’s problems, they might as well solve their own problems first, which may be more effective. 04 If parents educate their children in uncivilized ways, children will also respond to their parents in uncivilized ways. On May 12 last year, a father learned that his daughter was truant from school and drove thousands of miles to look for her. The father scolded his daughter in the street: Have you considered my feelings? My daughter also angrily said, if something happens to me on the road, you will never be able to make it up to me in your lifetime. When a child doesn\’t get the attention of her parents all year round, she will take some extreme measures to get their parents\’ attention. I think this father must not realize his own problems, so he still scolds his daughter when he sees her. If parents educate their children in uncivilized ways, the children will respond to you in uncivilized ways. If this father, instead of scolding his daughter, could be gentle and hug her, how would her daughter feel? Will the daughter also apologize to her father? The British educator Spencer said: \”Barbarism breeds barbarism, and kindness breeds kindness.\” Written at the end: When you educate children in a rough way, not only will the child\’s bad behavior not be solved, but the child will learn more bad things. civilized behavior. When parents solve their children\’s problems, they might as well solve their own problems first. If you change, your children will change too.