What to do if a child is dawdling? The truth is heartbreaking

\”I don\’t want to be your mother. Let\’s find a younger, more beautiful, and more patient mother.\” \”When my mother said this, my heart was bleeding…\” What kind of couple is this \”in love with each other?\” \”Kill\” mother-daughter dialogue. The child\’s words really hit the nail on the head, no matter where it hurts. It turned out that the host Li Xiaomeng was angry because of her daughter\’s procrastination. To be honest, whose child has never procrastinated, and whose mother has not acted as an \”accelerator\”? Who hasn\’t experienced the \”four daily reminders\” – getting up, eating, doing homework, and going to bed? When it comes to urging children, it really makes me feel sad and tearful. It not only hurts the liver, lungs, spleen and kidneys, but more importantly, it hurts our feelings. It not only hurts our hearts, but also chills the children\’s hearts. Get up, hurry up! Wash your face, hurry up! It’s time to eat, hurry up! It’s time to go to school, gogogo! …Every morning, I am like a repeater, the volume increases from low to high, the speaking speed increases from slow to fast, starting the day\’s \”nurturing\” process. It was already \”storming\” here, but my son was still \”taking a leisurely stroll\” over there. As soon as I saw his grumbling, I couldn\’t help shouting: \”Can you hurry up, we\’re going to be late!\” But no matter how I shouted, my son\’s attitude was like \”the emperor is not in a hurry, but the eunuch is.\” Taking my time putting on my coat and changing my shoes. When I urge him, he sometimes becomes impatient and retorts: \”Mom, you are the least beautiful when you lose your temper.\” Hey, looking back at Tianya Road, I can\’t tell you all the bitter tears I shed while urging my son. According to a survey by professionals, \”children\’s dillydally\” has topped the list of \”children\’s problem rankings\” many times. Grinding, like a stubborn tumor, has caused many parents to worry and worry, but they can never find a sharp scalpel to remove it. What’s even more depressing is: the more you push, the slower it becomes; the more you push, the engine stalls and the brakes fail. What is the reason that causes children to push more and more slowly? Too many instructions can cause trouble for children. Studies have found that children\’s brains are not yet fully developed, and their memory and understanding need to be improved. It is difficult for them to digest instructions that are too long and complex. We often get angry because the child is still standing there even though we have been urging him for a long time. There is such a clip in the \”Incredible Mom\” ​​program that is very impressive. Facing the messy room, Ye Yiqian urged Xiao Liangzi over and over again: \”Quickly, collect it yourself!\” \”Quickly, throw away all these useless rubbish.\” \”Go and throw away these unnecessary rubbish.\” Mom\’s Three consecutive \”urges\” completely made Xiao Liangzi lose his judgment. \”I don\’t know how to do it,\” he said in embarrassment. Many problems would be much easier if we could put ourselves in their shoes. If your child is dilly-dallying, it may be because you gave him too many instructions at once, and his receiving system was \”interfered\” and unable to digest these instructions. A friend who deliberately \”dilly-dallyed\” to ask for attention said that since she gave birth to her second child, her 8-year-old daughter suddenly became disobedient, which really broke her heart: she would stay in bed in the morning, despite you urging her over and over again, and she would not be able to do it until she got there. She lost her temper and yelled, but she just wouldn\’t get up; she struggled to do homework at night, and she still couldn\’t figure out a very simple math problem after explaining it over and over again. As a result, she was still checking the math at 10 o\’clock. My friend was very annoyed by her daughter\’s change. I haven’t thought about how to cure my daughter’s procrastination.Method, but her daughter beat her first: Mom, you spend so much time with your brother every day, why is it so annoying to tell me more about homework? Is it because I’m not good at studying that you love me less? Picture source: \”Tiger Mom and Cat Dad\” It turns out that the daughter is deliberately using \”grinding\” to get attention! At that moment, her heart was pounding and tears were streaming down her face. Two days ago, my best friend said distressedly that after her 3 and a half year old daughter went to kindergarten, her ability to take care of herself disappeared. It used to be that I could eat by myself, put on my own pants, and wash my own socks. Even if I couldn\’t do it well, I would still try. It\’s so good now that I don\’t even eat my own food. I spend every day coquettishly asking my mother to feed me. It turned out that because my best friend had to send her child to school, she disliked the slowness in getting up and taking time to eat, so she started to nudge her every day. The little guy seemed to be \”hypnotized\” under the repeated urging mode. One day he actually said: \”Mom, my ears are blind and I can\’t hear!\” It was really dumbfounding. In psychology, this phenomenon is called the over-limit effect, which refers to the phenomenon that when the stimulus is too much, too strong, or acts for too long, it will cause extreme impatience or rebellion. Too much is not enough, slow things down and things will go well. The same goes for urging children. Just remind them once. Don\’t urge them repeatedly. In fact, children are not born dawdling, nor do they deliberately oppose us. As long as we are more patient and understand the little secrets behind their children\’s behavior, the \”disease\” of dawdling is not \”incurable\”. So, what should we do to prevent our children from being more naughty? Follow the child\’s development rules. A child\’s \”slowness\” does not mean stagnation. In fact, it has been \”moving\”, but it has not reached the \”speed\” we want. For example, when we are walking with our child, he falls far behind after a while, so we urge him. It’s not that your child is competing with you, it’s that he simply can’t go any faster. One step for us is equivalent to two or three steps for a child. How can he keep up with our speed? In fact, the vast majority of children do not dawdle deliberately, but are unconscious and normal manifestations of their specific age. Developmental psychology believes that children aged 0-6 are in various sensitive periods. Children in this period will sometimes take the trouble to do one thing, such as staring at an ant for a long time, taking a toy and dismantling it repeatedly for several hours. These are actually normal manifestations of the sensitive period. In other words: Children before the age of 6 do not have the ability to control the \”fast and slow\” rhythm. What we call \”procrastination\” is a normal behavior for them. The growth of a child is a long marathon. There is really no need to be too anxious at the beginning. Only slow work can lead to fine work. Please give the child\’s rhythm back and let them move forward slowly at their own pace. Studies on \”visualizing time\” have found that children before the age of 6 have no concept of \”time\”. As they grow older, although they can distinguish \”past, present, yesterday, today\”, they still cannot do it if it is accurate to hours or minutes. When my son first entered kindergarten at the age of 4, he was late because of procrastination and paid a \”heavy price\” – he did not receive the \”Little Red Flower Award\” from the kindergarten for one month in a row. He became very unhappy. then, I took this opportunity to buy a children\’s alarm clock with hands, and tried to teach him to know the time, telling him: wherever the hands point, it is time to get up, where the hands point, it is time to go out, and where the hands point, it is time to go to bed. . \”If you promise to get up when the pointer points here and start eating breakfast when it points here, there is still hope of getting the little red flower.\” This is much more effective than just preaching. Now, every morning at 7:30, my son will urge me to go out and want to get to the kindergarten early. In fact, this is a process of slow guidance, and the key points of the process must be grasped, that is, parents must not rush first. If you get anxious, you will be ruined. Don’t rush, give freedom to your children. I once saw in a circle of friends that a friend cured his daughter’s procrastination. The little girl was particularly self-disciplined. So I went there specially to get Buddhist scriptures. The mother said, I don’t have any tips, it’s just not urging. One day I was in a hurry to have a morning meeting, after breakfast and cleaning up, when my daughter suddenly said she needed to go to the toilet, and she stayed there for 10 minutes. I yelled angrily: \”Why are you dawdling, don\’t you know mom is going to be late?\” My daughter replied slowly: \”Don\’t you know we kids are just slow to move!\” What really changed her was, One time I got really tired of urging, so I decided to see how long my daughter would be able to slow down without urging her all day long. As a result, my daughter only woke up 8 minutes later than usual, ate 5 minutes later, and went to bed 15 minutes later. Instead of making each other angry by urging each other every day, why not give this less than 30 minutes of freedom to your daughter? I stopped urging her from now on, and my daughter became self-disciplined as a result. Raising children is like taking a snail for a walk. Instead of leading it hard to walk forward, it is better to change our mentality and let the snail lead us for a walk. You will eventually find that of all things in this world, children are the most beautiful scenery. My child, I would like to slow down with you, listen to the singing of birds and the fragrance of flowers in nature, look at the mountains and rivers, and count the stars. Although you are a caterpillar now, I know that crawling is not your permanent posture. I am willing to wait for you to slowly emerge from your cocoon and become a butterfly.