What to do if teenagers are mentally exhausted

Before the midterm exam, I had another heated argument with my son. \”Go away, I don\’t want to see you!\” the son cried. I was shocked and couldn\’t believe that these words came from the mouth of my son who I had loved and protected for all these years and who I cherished like a baby! After this semester started, for some reason, my son seemed to be a different person. He used to be gentle and warm-hearted, but now he is just a smelly and hard rock, unreasonable, and if you say something to him, you will either talk back or quarrel, or else you will fall into silence without saying a word. The relationship between my son and I has also fallen into a vicious cycle of \”quarrels-cold war-ignoring each other.\” I really want to know, what happened to my son? Before the mid-term exam, the school held a parent-teacher meeting. Full of questions and anxiety, I arrived at the school and listened carefully to the class teacher\’s words. The head teacher\’s words suddenly woke me up. She said: I have been teaching for decades and have taught countless children. I have found that those very outstanding children have a sunny and transparent heart and a very harmonious family relationship. They will not be swallowed up by spiritual internal friction. So that’s it! In psychology, \”mental internal friction\” is defined as follows: Mental internal friction means suppressing pressure or psychological conflict deep in the heart to control oneself. There is no negative emotion to vent, but mental pain and exhaustion. To put it simply, various emotions such as entanglement, vacillation, inferiority, and panic gather in the child\’s heart, tearing each other apart, greatly consuming the child\’s energy and causing them to lose interest in learning. Therefore, if we want to raise excellent children, we must help them stay away from mental internal friction. The root cause of children\’s mental internal friction lies in parents. Some parents are very confused: Today\’s children are so happy and have everything. Why do they still have mental internal friction? Xu Kaiwen, associate professor of psychology at Peking University, pointed out: because their parents and teachers failed to let them see how a person can live with dignity, value and meaning. Every child is like a young seed. From taking root, sprouting to growing, it cannot do without the fertile soil of the family. The following three types of families are more likely to raise children with internal friction. 1. The chattering Tang Monk-style parents There is a hot topic on Zhihu: What causes children to be reluctant to communicate with their parents during their growth? Image source: Weibo topic The most upvoted answer by @dodobird, the initiator, is only five words: nagging non-stop. If parents keep nagging, over time, children will feel resistant and unwilling to communicate with their parents, and will use silence to protest. How can children who have cut off the emotional channel from their parents and cannot find a safe landing place confidently fight against the ups and downs in life? 2. In the emotional kidnapping guilt-based parent variety show \”Don\’t Look Down on Me,\” a mother made many parents say she \”can\’t afford to hurt her.\” She has very high demands on her daughter, and if her daughter doesn\’t do well, she will slap herself. Seeing her daughter\’s frightened expression, she felt that her method worked and she was very proud. Image source: The variety show \”Don\’t Look Down on Me\” However, she did not realize that the essence of guilt-based education is a kind of violence. However, this method is more subtle and has a psychological impact on children.Bigger too. Children\’s submission is only due to fear and pressure. From then on, they are forcibly trapped in the emotional shackles of their parents and cannot break free. 3. Perfect parents with excessive expectations. In today’s environment of national involution, parents have placed high hopes on their children and hope that their children will be perfect. They can\’t stand even the slightest imperfection in their children. They constantly reprimand and criticize, and then make demands even harder. Education has deviated from its original track and has become depressing and heavy. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! Parents\’ high expectations for their children will become demons that plague each other and entangle their children\’s running footsteps. Children who are internally consumed lose the innocence that children should have. They are silent and heavy. As Sarah Dieffenbach, an economic psychologist at the University of Munich, said: The external manifestation of mental internal consumption is that it makes people hesitate to do things. Being affected, reduced mobility, distracted, and tired; internal manifestations include nervousness, anxiety, low self-esteem, low mood, and sulking. Mental internal friction, like a very hidden demon, uses unnoticeable destructive power to affect the child\’s inner sense of security, pushing young children into desperate situations. The child who is caught in internal friction is being deeply dragged down. The head teacher also mentioned a child who impressed her deeply at the parent-teacher meeting. He is very talented, has good grades, and is kind. He is a proper \”top student\” in the eyes of his classmates. When he was in the second grade of junior high school, his parents started a divorce battle. They argued constantly all day long and paid no attention to him. So he was forced to grow up overnight. He had to learn to take care of himself and comfort his crying mother. However, no matter how mature he behaves, he is still only a twelve or thirteen-year-old child. In his heart, he has already been exhausted by the separation of his parents and the tense atmosphere at home. He was very afraid that his parents would separate. He didn\’t know how to deal with his emotionally unstable mother, and he couldn\’t imagine what his life would be like in the future. These thoughts were like a dark cloud, blocking the passage in his heart. Those emotions were suppressed in his heart and could not be resolved, making him extremely painful. He had no intention of studying and couldn\’t listen to the teacher\’s lectures at all. Even the exams were perfunctory. The head teacher finally sighed: How can a child who is entangled in negative emotions like this be able to study with peace of mind? Internal friction is so silently rooted deep in the hearts of children, causing them to repeatedly attack themselves, leading them to embark on a long and dark road, even to the edge of life. Teacher Wu Zhihong also told the story of a nine-year-old boy. Lele, a boy in the third grade of primary school, was recommended by the school to suspend school for three months because he had \”suicidal tendencies.\” In the eyes of teachers and parents, Lele is a \”problem child\” who makes trouble in class and bullies classmates. His latest suicide frightened the teacher, but he didn\’t care. In his opinion, it was just a child\’s play. The teacher\’s panicked look made him extremely proud. When you step into Lele\’s heart, you will find that behind all his unreasonableness, there are many things he cannot help but do. Mother\’s surveillance and control made it impossible for Lele to express his inner vitality. He could not find a suitable emotional outlet, so heYes, you can only use your own way to fight against external forces. Children with severe mental internal dissipation are being dragged into the abyss of bad emotions by bad emotions. They are unable to refute, so they can only hurt themselves. Do these three things to raise a happy and healthy child. In today\’s era, education has become more important than ever. After all, high-quality family education determines how far a child can go in the future. So, as parents, what should we do to keep our children away from mental exhaustion? After an in-depth chat with my class teacher, I learned these three very effective methods. 1. Change communication methods. If children often fall into a bad state of mental internal friction, we must use a close and healthy parent-child relationship to dispel the darkness in their hearts. Harvard University proposed a \”PEERE rule\” that helps improve the quality of parent-child relationships, including five aspects: Pause, Engage, Encourage, Reflect and Extend. For example, when we realize that a child needs help, we should: suspend what we are doing; get involved in the child\’s affairs and patiently ask them what happened; encourage them to express their ideas; give feedback to the child on our suggestions; expand the child\’s vision. When children feel the warmth and support of their parents, they have the confidence to get rid of all internal emotions. 2. Change role positioning. In the book \”The Gardener and the Carpenter\”, child psychologist Alison Gopnik divided parents into two categories: \”gardeners\” and \”carpenters.\” Carpenter-style parents hope that their children will be obedient and sensible and develop according to their own requirements, while gardener-style parents will create an environment suitable for growth, provide enough sunlight and nutrients, and do not interfere too much. Smart parents will have a clear positioning, be the gardeners of their children\’s growth, comply with their children\’s nature, respect their children\’s individuality, and give their children a world where they can fly freely. 3. Be a 60-point parent and don’t expect too much from your children. There are many definitions of excellence. Being good at reading is excellent, being able to think is excellent, and being able to work is also excellent. Therefore, we need to broaden the standard for the word \”excellence\”, release children\’s nature, and let children move from books to society. Don\’t force it, don\’t get entangled, slow down your steps, make your strides smaller, as Yukiko Goto said in the book \”Seven Points is Just Right\”: If you have the ability, do your best; if you don\’t have the ability, just stop. . The reason why a child\’s world is beautiful is that it is colorful and full of infinite hopes and possibilities. Inner tangle, low mood, low self-esteem and timidity, these are colors that should not belong to children. There is a famous \”bandwidth\” theory in economics, which means that everyone\’s mental capacity is limited, just like the memory of a computer. If the memory is too full, they have no extra energy to deal with other things. The same goes for children\’s emotions. What kind of education we give our children will determine the color of their world. Only by removing the clouds weighing on children can the sunshine shine in their hearts, and they will become happy and learn to reconcile with themselves, thereby better embracing the life that belongs to them.every possibility.