What to do if your child is rebellious in adolescence

\”Shut your dog mouth. If you don\’t understand human language, I\’ll speak to you in dog language!\” \”Who am I, and you deserve to educate me?\” It\’s unimaginable that this was an insult from a 14-year-old child to his father. It turned out that when the father saw his son playing games all the time, he reminded him, \”It\’s time to do homework.\” The son immediately became furious and shouted angrily, demanding that his father shut up and get out. CCTV Documentary Channel Post-Zero documentary watch online all 5 episodes in 1080P ultra-clear version 13.7GB. Netizens have said that adolescent children are really scary! Indeed, adolescent children are angry, aggressive, unreasonable, and hateful in every way! But you have to know that the psychological motivation of rebellion is helplessness, and the essence is also helplessness. Children who are more helpless inside are more rebellious and need more help from their parents. But if you want to help a \”rebellious\” child, you must first understand his \”rebellious type.\” You must first distinguish whether your child\’s rebellion is aggressive? Or the silent type? Or is it the opposite of the Yangtze type? Only by prescribing the right medicine according to the different types of rebellion can children survive the rebellious period smoothly and move toward society healthily. Education is not only about teaching students in accordance with their aptitude, but also \”prescribing the right medicine to the case\”. Aggressive children: slow down to communicate smoothly. Psychologists believe that adolescent children will show obvious aggression during their rapid development. For example, violently resisting, quarreling or losing temper with parents, like the 14-year-old child mentioned above who insulted his father. The most common type of rebellion in adolescence is aggression. Resistance and opposition are the first reactions of their brains. The most common words they say are \”Why\”, \”I just don\’t want it\”, and \”Go away\”. If \”aggressive\” children are given compulsory education and \”beat them if they don\’t obey\”, parent-child conflict will definitely reach its peak. When parents engage in a power struggle with their aggressive children, they will end up in a lose-lose situation. The tougher the parents, the more repulsive and rebellious the children will be. Just like a spring, as much pressure as the parents exert, the child will bounce back to resist. When dealing with this type of child, as much tenderness as you give, the child will respond with kindness. Lee Yoo-nam, a well-known education expert in South Korea, was once regarded as an enemy by adolescent children. When her son wanted to dance hip-hop, she tried her best to stop her; when her daughter liked comics, she scolded him for not doing his job properly. In the eyes of her son and daughter, she is not a gentle and loving mother, but a rough and domineering controller. It wasn\’t until her son suffered from social phobia and her daughter suffered from depression and self-mutilation that she suddenly woke up and decided to make changes. If her son liked hip-hop dancing, she would respect the child\’s choice and help him sign up for interest classes. If her daughter liked comics, she would listen to her voice. Appreciate and praise her. As a result, a miracle happened: my daughter was admitted to the psychology department of an American university, and my son was also admitted to the philosophy department as a graduate student, determined to become a writer. Softness can overcome hardness! If parents can use a weak tone and talk on an equal footing; use a gentle attitude to respect their children; use soft behavior to leave space. You will definitely gain a parent-child relationship with mutual understanding and smooth communication. Silent type: wait patiently and communicate slowly. Some people say that what is more terrifying than the rebellion in adolescence is the silence of adolescence. Faced with silent children, parents can\’t get a word from their children even if they ask 10 cautious questions. This kind of thing children often talk aboutOften: \”I don\’t know\”, \”Whatever\”, \”Nothing\”… Without communication, parents cannot know their children\’s true thoughts. If they ask too many questions, their children will be annoyed. If they don\’t ask their children, parents will be extra panicked. But in fact, when faced with silent children, what parents need most is to put down their panic and wait patiently. The book \”Accompanying Children Through Puberty\” writes: \”What adolescent children need more is for us to provide space for them to sort out and repair themselves.\” In other words, the silence of adolescent children is actually sorting out, and their inner activities are rich. , but rarely exposed. After the child has sorted out the various conflicts in his heart and figured out what he wants, he will naturally walk out of the \”heart door\” and open the door to his room. I read a sharing from a wise mother online. My daughter was a \”little talker\” when she was a child, but when she reached adolescence, she became a \”mute\” and answered nine questions. For a period of time, my daughter would close the door if she disagreed, play with her mobile phone, and watch videos. At that time, she was really worried that her daughter would become \”autistic\” if she continued to be \”silent\” like this. But the mother did not rush to question her daughter, but chose to silently support her daughter. Occasionally invite my daughter for a walk, look at her with gentle eyes, and encourage her with a smile; when my daughter is not in a good mood, I will pat her on the shoulder and give her a hug to express my understanding; every now and then, I will cook her daughter’s favorite dishes. Keep her in a good mood. The mother keeps sending friendly signals and slowly opens up her daughter\’s heart. Now her daughter is also willing to talk to her about study and life matters. The silence of adolescence does not mean that children are inaccessible, but that it takes time to deal with conflicting emotions. Parents can just wait quietly for their children to adapt, release their kindness, and let their children feel loved and accepted. When a child feels that he is truly accepted by another person, he will start from there, slowly open his heart, become confident and calm, and his behavior will develop in a positive direction. The third type of rebellion is to impress children with sincerity. This type of child seems to agree, but in behavior he always goes his own way. Ask your child to do homework, and then hide in your room and play with your phone after you agree; enroll your child in a cram school, readily agree, and then skip class to play basketball; pretend to go to the toilet for an hour, but hide in and play games. Such children\’s \”deliberate naysayers\” are actually invisibly resisting. They are good at expressing their accumulated anger to their dominant parents through indirect methods such as procrastination, avoidance, and deliberate irritation. The best way to resolve the \”yang-yin-yin-violation\” pattern is to see the child\’s true inner needs, understand the child\’s true thoughts, and support and respect the child through actions. The sincerity of your parents is rewarded with the sincerity of your children towards you. Kuang Zhiyong, who has been engaged in adolescent psychology work for more than 20 years, said that his son has never been rebellious, let alone submissive. He admitted that he has treated his children very sincerely since he was a child: his son likes to call him Dad, or Lao Kuang, and he accepts them readily; his son’s favorite hobbies, whether they are dangerous racing or expensive He respects skiing; he also supports his son\’s pursuit of stars, and even goes online to learn more about it in order to have a common topic with his son. Although he is a father and son, he never regards his son as a child, but as aTreat each other as an independent individual, communicate sincerely, and treat each other as equals. When a child lies because he wants to play on a mobile phone, parents can discuss it with the child and set a time schedule; when the child does not want to go to cram school, parents should respect the child\’s choice and truly believe the child; when the child wants to play games, parents can let go Let your children play as much as they want and complete their homework on time. Psychologist Wu Zhihong once said: Passive aggression is the weapon of the weak. Behind procrastination, lying, evasion and other problems is a fragile heart that longs to be seen. The child is being obedient and is sending a signal for help to his parents. Parents should let go of their authority, listen more to their children\’s real thoughts, and respect their children with a sincere attitude. Moderately letting go and giving children the right to make their own decisions can get into their hearts and truly win them over than forceful arrangements. In fact, every child is like a sapling, and adolescence is just a small storm in the growth process of the sapling. As long as parents strive to be attentive gardeners, provide timely nutrients and water according to the children\’s development characteristics and individual inner needs, and water them carefully, the saplings will be able to successfully weather the storm and grow healthily and robustly.