What to do when your child makes unreasonable demands

\”Mom, can I play for another 10 minutes?\” \”Just 10 minutes, I promise!\” Just after lunch, my 7-year-old son kept clamoring to use the tablet to play games. In desperation, I agreed to him . But in order to protect his eyesight, I agreed with him that he would only be allowed to play for 10 minutes, and then he would go to bed for a nap. As the time ticked by, 10 minutes later, I was about to take away the tablet, but he was getting excited about playing and refused to turn off the tablet to sleep. He kept fooling me and insisted on playing for another 10 minutes. I believe that as parents, we will feel very familiar with this scene. What seems like small, everyday things are actually children bargaining and testing our bottom line. In the BBC documentary \”Beibi\’s Fantasy World\”, child behavior research experts revealed: Usually after the age of 3, children\’s self-awareness emerges and they begin to have their own ideas and positions. Whatever they want in their hearts, they will find a way. Go for it. Not only can they realize that they have the same right to make demands as their parents, but they also constantly guess their parents\’ psychology and \”match wits and courage\” with their parents. As a parent, what should you do when faced with all kinds of unreasonable demands from your children for bargaining and pushing for more? Different handling methods will determine the children\’s different life trajectories and achieve different lives for the children. Myth 1: My best friend Qianqian, who is a compromiser, has a 6-year-old son who is good at everything except doing homework. Every time Qianqian accompanies her child to do homework, he always touches here and there, and begs to \”play for another 5 minutes\” from time to time. Qianqian also knew very well that no matter whether she promised him to play for a few more minutes, he would not really be obedient. After 5 minutes, there would be another 5 minutes. But looking at the two clear tear stains hanging on her son\’s chubby little face, and hearing his soft and tearful pleas, the old mother\’s heart was slowly shaken, and in the end she could only surrender. The child is a clever little kid. As soon as he saw that he had taken control of his mother, he performed the same drama over and over again. Qianqian wailed at me more than once: \”I really can\’t control this child!\” However, such a result, in fact, is It was caused by her own compromises over and over again. Must-read parenting books for parents recommended: Don’t Think You Understand Your Children’s Heart e-book download Star Ma Yashu once said in the variety show “Mom is Superman”: “I should be a very compromising mother. Every time my child cries, my This persistence has already dropped to zero.\” Her daughter Mia didn\’t want to eat and wanted to eat ice cream. Ma Yashu disagreed, but she had no choice but to compromise when the child cried. Similarly, the child didn\’t want to go to kindergarten and cried heartbrokenly. She felt soft-hearted and almost took her daughter home. However, Ma Yashu\’s repeated concessions and compromises did not result in an obedient and sensible child. Instead, her daughter Mia had various problems and was even almost expelled from the kindergarten. Children have no limit to breaking through the circle of authority of their parents. Gradually, parents lose their authority over their children, which will only make it more and more difficult to discipline their children. I can\’t help but think of a true story I once read on a Tieba forum: A mother asked for help online. Her son wanted her to buy a new mobile phone, but she didn\’t agree, and the child ran away from home because of a tantrum. And this is not the first time her son has run away from home. Not long ago, the childAfter being reprimanded for playing truant, my son ran away from home for five hours. In a message, a netizen asked the mother a soul-searching question: \”Did your son cry a lot when he was a child? Did you satisfy him when he cried?\” Her reply was this: \”He was difficult to control when he was a child. To be honest, no one at home could control him, he would cry when he was not allowed, and sometimes he would throw things on the ground. In order to get a toy, I refused to buy it and even knocked my forehead to bleed. Later, I thought that he would be sensible when he gets older. As a result, I have learned to run away from home when I am only 9 years old. To be honest, I am very scared, fearing that one day he will threaten me with death…\” Parents cannot stop their children from crying and compromise endlessly, which will only let their children take control. . What the child learns from this is: As long as I cry, I can do whatever I want. If things go on like this, the child will become more and more willful and gradually turn into a \”little bully\” that cannot be cured even if he wants to. This will plant countless hidden dangers for the child\’s future that are difficult to control. Misunderstanding 2: Rejectionist So, since compromise is not possible, is it okay to strictly refuse? Perhaps, the following story can tell you the answer. Bao\’s mother Xiaoxiao is a mother who has very strict control over her children. She usually prohibits her children from touching electronic products. Only when she is very busy will she allow her daughter to watch TV for a while. Over time, the children learn about their mother\’s strictness and no longer easily express their ideas and needs. Some time ago, Xiaoxiao accidentally discovered that her daughter, who had just entered the fifth grade of elementary school, had already learned to lie from her classmates and often skipped classes to go to Internet cafes to surf the Internet. Under Xiaomei\’s \”forced confession\”, her daughter finally told the truth: \”You don\’t agree with anything I tell you anyway, why should I tell you? Other classmates have computers at home, and they will play games together. , I can\’t do it, they are not happy to play with me!\” Psychologist Dr. Bruce Glelang said: \”Frequently saying \’no\’ to a child is the most inappropriate way of rejection. The child seems to be pushed to the limit by his parents. Outside the door, you will feel aggrieved and even angry.\” In 1927, psychologist Cai Garnik conducted an experiment: He divided the subjects into two groups, A and B, and solved the same mathematical problems at the same time. During this period, group A was able to complete the calculation smoothly. In the middle of the calculation, Group B suddenly ordered to stop. Then the two groups were asked to recall the calculation questions respectively. Group B was significantly better than Group A. Experimental results show that people have a deeper memory for their unfinished things, which is called the \”unfinished complex.\” During children\’s childhood, if parents always seriously reject their children\’s needs and force them to give up their wishes, they will develop an \”unfinished complex\”. The more it is prohibited and suppressed, the easier it is to become a gap and regret in the child\’s heart, thus forming a pathological development. I can\’t help but think of what Zhang Xinyi mentioned in the show: The 99 yuan pair of white shoes she wanted when she was a child was rejected by her mother, which became her biggest obsession in her future life. \”At that time, I made a vow that when I grow up and earn my own money, I will buy myself a lot of white sneakers.\” Later, she had countless pairs of white sneakers, just to make up for the loss she had back then. An unforgettable disappointment. Because it is not completed, her heart will hang there forever,Always thinking about how it will end, even doing other things is always worrying. In the daily education of children, it is actually very common: the child does not want to do homework and wants to watch the remaining half of the cartoon episode, but his parents forcibly refuse, so he also thinks about the cartoon while doing homework. The plot was wrong, and most of the homework was wrong. In order to prevent the children from being distracted and not allowed to play with mobile phones and surf the Internet, the children secretly went to Internet cafes behind their parents\’ backs, and even secretly saved money to buy their own mobile phones. They did not know how to control themselves, and eventually their grades dropped and they even became rebellious. No one likes to be rejected, especially a cold “no.” As someone said: Blind rejection is like a drug with powerful side effects. It may achieve the purpose of \”treating\” a spoiled child, but its \”side effects\” cannot be ignored. Children who are often rejected will have a sense of \”abandonment\”. Gradually, they will hide their true thoughts and no longer talk to their parents. The best education: It is not advisable for the strategic school to blindly compromise and blindly refuse. When faced with children’s unreasonable requests, how should we respond to them in order to have the most guiding significance for their children’s growth? At this time, \”gentle but firm\” strategic parents are the best guides for their children. 1. Let the children bear the consequences of their willfulness. My son, Mumu, is always careless when doing homework. Every time I urge him to do homework, he says that he needs to watch TV for a while before writing, and that he needs to eat something before writing. In short, He just refused to actively cooperate. Until one time, I thought about it and for the first time, I didn\’t urge him to complete his homework. As a result, he unexpectedly did not complete all the homework and was criticized by the teacher in front of the whole class the next day. Feeling embarrassed, he burst into tears and never bothered or bargained over homework again. When children say \”play a little longer,\” maybe we don\’t need to yell at them or reason with them carefully. Let them taste the bitter fruit of home brewing, which may have unexpected effects. 2. Provide \”limited choices\” + attention transfer. The book \”Don\’t Rush, Don\’t Yell: Easily Raise Good Children\” once proposed a \”four-leaf clover rule\”, which includes the concept of \”limited choices\”. Give children limited choices and let them have the opportunity to make their own decisions. As mentioned at the beginning of the article, my son refused to take a nap and insisted on playing with the tablet. Later I said to him: \”Do you want to go to bed now, wake up and go to the supermarket with your mother, or choose to play for 5 minutes now?\” Tablet, and then go do your homework?\” The little guy stopped crying instantly, thought seriously for a while and said, \”Then I\’m going to sleep now, and we must go to the supermarket to play together later!\” After that, he went back to the room to take a nap. Sometimes, the child\’s world is very simple, and if we resist him forcefully, it will make him feel that his parents are on the opposite side of him, which may arouse the child\’s resistance. If at this time, we provide two alternative options to divert his attention, he will choose the option that is more acceptable to him, so that the current problem can be solved easily. 3. Concrete time. In fact, many times, children bargain with us over time issues because they are still young and have little understanding of the concept of time.The control ability is not enough. It is clearly said that he will leave after playing for 10 minutes, but the child plays for 10 minutes and still plays for 10 more minutes because he does not understand how long 10 minutes is. As time goes by, he cannot prepare in advance and stop immediately. Ready to play. At this time, we need the concrete guidance of our parents. In this regard, I have a mother, Xixi, who does a particularly good job: when she goes to the mall with her children, she will make an agreement with her children in advance: \”If mom\’s cell phone rings three times, she will tell us that it is time to go home.\” It’s time, be a good kid who abides by your promise!” After the child agreed, they set off to the mall. The first time the bell rings, she will remind the child that if it rings twice more, we will go home. The second time it rings, she will also remind her. In the process of such a bell ringing repeatedly, the child realizes the passage of time and gradually prepares himself mentally for going home. Finally, when the agreed time arrives, it will not be difficult to accept it. You see, for the same thing, if one hour is replaced by \”the bell rings 3 times,\” the child will become less resistant, and at the same time it will also cultivate the child\’s sense of time, so why not do it. It seems like it’s just a small matter like “can I let my child play for 10 more minutes?”, but in fact it reflects the different behaviors of our parents in the process of dealing with their children’s bargaining. Different responses to the same thing will have different impacts on the children. In the future, the children\’s fate and achievements will be very different. Every child is a treasure. As long as you use the right method, you will never let your parents down. Click \”Like\” to encourage all parents!