What will a child with low self-esteem look like when he grows up?

I can’t remember when I started having an inferiority complex. I sat in the front row for five years in elementary school. When I graduated, I could only hold my neck up to the shoulders of my deskmate, so I was nicknamed \”Little One.\” After entering junior high school, I still didn\’t escape the bad luck of height. In the lush development atmosphere of adolescence, I seemed to be out of the normal interstellar trajectory, completely forgotten by the body\’s functions. What\’s worse than elementary school is that I have a new nickname called \”Little Man Yan\”, which is a direct and direct blow to my life. When school uniforms are issued, you always have to send them to a tailor to trim the trouser legs before you can wear them; you argue with a boy until your face turns red and your neck becomes thick, and you are so angry that you want to beat the other person, but suddenly you find that you need to jump up to be able to fight with them; While shopping for clothes, other classmates went into the trendy brand store nearby. Only my mother dragged me to the children\’s clothing store to buy plus-size clothes. After putting them on, I looked funny like a fake dwarf. In order to grow taller, I used a lot of methods in those years. I drank milk and took vitamin tablets. I don’t know where my mother got the recipe from, saying that pork rib soup is good for the height of teenagers. She made me stew pork rib soup every day for half a year. I was so tired that I never wanted to hear it again. Come to the three words \”pork ribs soup\”. It wasn\’t until I entered high school that my height caught up with my peers. The problem that followed was that nutritional supplements not only stretched my height vertically, but also caused a sharp increase in weight laterally. My originally round face, small eyes, and flat nose looked more like a face that had been stepped on. The potato pancakes made people lose their appetite. It was the beginning of the era when people had the ability to recognize beauty and ugliness. Popular fashion magazines in the class would be circulated from the back row to the front row one by one. The illustrations on them tended to be Japanese and windy, and the girls all had pointed chins and slender ankles. , angular collarbones, and a back that makes people feel weak and distressed no matter how you look at it. Several boys at the back table were arguing about the type of girl they liked, and I snorted with disdain. There was a smell of cynicism in my nose. Then he continued to look down at the small mirror and squeezed the pimples on his forehead. Unintentionally, the reflection hit the face of the boy he liked, attracting his attention. The moment we looked at each other, I blushed and quickly smoothed down my bangs. The joy, shyness, fear, anger, and many other indescribable emotions rising in my heart were mixed together, making me very depressed. After that, I never paid attention to that boy again, and I no longer had the habit of secretly looking in the mirror in class. I would get inexplicably angry when I saw that round, flat little mirror. I vaguely feel that this kind of psychology is abnormal, but I can\’t say what it is. Only now do I realize that the feeling of excessive self-protection at that time was caused by low self-esteem. Because of inferiority, so disdain. Because I wanted it so much, I just pretended to be indifferent. Apart from caring about appearance, if I think about it carefully, my views on many things have similar logic. I\’ve had a weird personality since I was a child, and I\’m quite naughty. I\’m not withdrawn, but I\’m definitely not very lovable. I don\’t know how to say hello to my relatives when I see them, and I don\’t know how to talk when I\’m wronged. It was not my intention to behave like this, but I often felt that I couldn\’t speak or do anything, and I was afraid that my expression would cause displeasure to others. Growing up with this mindsetI always seem a little bit out of place. People with low self-esteem are too sensitive. He always treats things with worry and does not like small groups because it is difficult to feel secure in any small group. For example, if colleagues gather together to talk, and you walk over and become silent, you will wonder, are they talking bad about me? In a WeChat group chat, the atmosphere is originally lively, but you still add an emoticon that you think is funny, and suddenly you become the ultimate topic maker, and you will think about whether this sentence is not so appropriate. Walking among the crowd, you are afraid of any kind of looking eyes. Sitting in front of your computer, you analyze the comments on social media. You live in fear, and sometimes you want to curb your perverted sensitivity and make up your mind not to be disturbed by unnecessary emotions. As soon as you turn around and face the strange expressions of passers-by, you will immediately lower your head to see if you are dressed inappropriately. , or something got on the shoes. Over and over again, simply give up and let your sensitivity take over your life. People with low self-esteem are always sociable. Gradually, you no longer like to interact with people so much, you are indifferent to everyone, and you seem a little unkind. Others allow you to be aloof, but you are unable to refute. I just keep repeating in my heart: I am not like this… Yes, you are obviously not like this. You have a curiosity that is hotter than anyone else, a sense of righteousness when the road is rough, and a desire to see those around you hurt. He went into battle to kill the enemy on his behalf and protect her with his thorough kindness. But he can’t learn to show just the right amount of tenderness in person. When you see your roommate’s trash thrown on the table, you can’t help but pick it up for her, but you don’t know how to praise her for her beauty. You are willing to help your colleague stay up late to make one more design drawing, but you don’t know how to take the initiative to clink glasses with him during dinner. You silently buy thoughtful and comfortable gifts for your family, but you have no endearing witticisms to say on the phone. That’s all, since you are considerate of others, then you should be considerate of yourself. From then on, he really became unsociable. People with low self-esteem are prone to self-doubt. After graduating from college, I haven’t been in love again. It’s not that I haven’t met someone I love, or that I’ve been so depressed that I don’t have a suitor around me. However, whenever I face someone I like, there is always a huge feeling of disparity in my heart that bounces back and forth. Every look, every movement, every tone of voice of the other person will become ambiguous under my involuntary scrutiny. There once was a nice boy who said he liked me, and coincidentally, I liked him too. After several dates, it was still a hazy stage. One night, the boy sent me home. It\’s July. Walking on the road that has been exposed to the sun for a day feels like stepping on soft jelly. The air is full of sweetness. The boy suddenly takes out a bouquet of baby\’s breath from behind, which is my favorite flower. It should have been a natural step, but I don\’t know why, but I felt so moved that a strange sadness overflowed from my heart. Such a good boy, why would he like me? I repeatedly analyzed various personality traits in myself, and finally came to the conclusion: He must not understand me. If he understands me, he will definitely run away. Instead of breaking up on bad terms in the end, it\’s better to become friends as soon as possible. The other party was defeated by my inexplicable logic. This relationshipLet it go. So today, if you ask me again, what will children with low self-esteem look like when they grow up? That\’s probably what I am like, very sad.