What will happen to children who grow up with long-term scolding?

Can you get up? If you don\’t get up, I\’ll beat you? If you play with your mobile phone again, I will throw away your mobile phone if you continue to play with it; I see that you have made a mess in the room, so please clean it up quickly; many of the above scenes are probably familiar to many people. Many parents will reprimand and scold loudly whenever their children make mistakes in life. Professor Li Meijin once conducted a survey on 1,000 minors and found that children who are often scolded at home are more likely to develop character defects. 25.7% of children have low self-esteem and depression, 22.1% of children are cold-blooded, and 56.5% of children are cold-blooded. Bad temper. It is conceivable that parents who often reprimand and scold their children will cause great harm to their children. 01 Reprimanding and scolding will cause great harm to children 1. Form a pleasing personality. Children who are often reprimanded and scolded are afraid of their parents. They will first look at their parents\’ faces before doing anything. They have developed the habit of looking at people\’s faces at home, and they naturally behave based on people\’s faces outside. Over time, a pleaser personality will be formed. 2. Affect parent-child relationship. Parents often reprimanding and scolding their children will make the psychological distance between parents and children longer, that is to say, it will affect the parent-child relationship. If the parent-child relationship is not good, the children will not listen to their parents even if they are right. This situation will make family education more and more difficult. One day, when I came home from work, there was a mother in front of me with a girl of about ten years old. The mother held the child\’s hand and scolded her as she walked away: \”You just don\’t listen to me no matter what I say. If you keep doing this, Sooner or later I will get angry and sick… The mother scolded loudly, but the child just lowered his head and walked forward. After five minutes, the mother stopped shouting. I think this mother must have never imagined that her behavior would distance her child from her mother, even though she held her child\’s hand on the road. Ichiro Kishimi wrote in \”Imperfect Parents\”: Children will get closer to their parents after being scolded. This must be someone\’s fantasy, just like looking at a telescope from the reverse side. From a child\’s perspective, although their parents are right in front of them, they feel very distant from them in their hearts. 3. Inferiority. Parents who are used to reprimanding and scolding their children usually like to find faults. They can always find the shortcomings of their children. Because parents always focus on their children\’s shortcomings, children can only see their own shortcomings. Most of them think that they are inferior to others and show low self-esteem in front of others. 4. Bad temper. Parents who often reprimand and scold their children are generally bad-tempered. Children will learn this behavior pattern of their parents through observation and imitation in their daily lives. When they grow up, they will repeat their parents\’ behavior patterns and often lose their temper with others. 5. Insecure and timid. Children who are often reprimanded and scolded, because they have lived in fear and fear for many years, become more and more insecure, become less and less courageous, and become cautious and timid in doing things. 6. When you reach adolescence, you will become more rebellious. Children who are often reprimanded and scolded have a lot of negative emotions accumulated in their hearts as they grow up. When I was young,They are too weak to resist their parents. But when they reach adolescence, they no longer tolerate it and will confront their parents. No parent wants these problems to happen to their children. Therefore, parents should avoid reprimanding and scolding their children in the process of educating their children. 02 Use scientific and effective education methods. In fact, in life, there are many scientific and effective education methods. These education methods will not only make you feel the pain of education, but will also make you feel the happiness of being a parent. 1. Adopt an authoritative (democratic) parenting style. Currently, the more popular parenting model at home and abroad is the authoritative parenting model proposed by American developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind. Baumrind divided parenting styles into four types through the two dimensions of demandingness and responsiveness: authoritative (democratic), authoritarian, doting and neglectful. After years of research, it has been proven that compared with other parenting styles, children who grow up under an authoritative (democratic) parenting style are more successful people, have higher academic and academic achievements, and they can also obtain stronger Happiness. Characteristics of the authoritative (democratic) parenting style: High demands: Authoritative parents establish appropriate behavioral standards for all aspects of their children\’s growth and require their children to always meet this behavioral standard. Parents can give recognition to their children\’s good performance. At the same time, parents will also limit their children\’s unreasonable demands. Such parents have a certain amount of authority in their children\’s minds. High responsiveness: Authoritative parents can listen to their children\’s inner voices, meet their children\’s various psychological needs, respect and understand their children, and make their children feel their parents\’ care for them. At any time, children will think that they are safe. When children make mistakes, parents will guide them rationally. In short, this parenting style is more rational, democratic, and caring. 2. Adopt effective communication methods. Dr. Marshall Luxemburg, in his many years of psychological research, developed the very inspiring and influential principles and methods of nonviolent communication. He proposed four elements of communication in \”Nonviolent Communication\”: observing facts, expressing feelings, stating needs, and making requests. Observe the facts: When we communicate with others, we must first pay attention to observe the facts that are happening at the moment, rather than commenting. When many people communicate, it is easy to ignore the facts and directly speak out biased ideas, which can lead to dissatisfaction on the other side. For example, you are disobedient; I don’t like you; your movements are too slow…. Express feelings: After observing the facts, only objectively and truly describe your inner feelings instead of criticizing with emotion. For example, if a child does not come home at night, instead of criticizing and scolding, it is better to say: \”If you don\’t come back so late, mom is worried about you.\” Name your needs: What needs do you have that lead to this feeling? For example, if you don\’t come home very late, I\’m very worried. I hope you go home early every day. \”I want you to go home early every day\” is a need, and this need produces the feeling of \”I am worried\”. Make requests: When we want our children to do something, we must make specific requests rather than commands. To give a complete example: when you come home and see that your room is a mess, you can say: \”You didn\’t clean the room today (observation). I\’m very disappointed (feeling). I hope to see a tidy environment when I get home (need). Would you like to clean the room? (Request)\”. This is non-violent communication. This kind of communication does not carry any evaluation or criticism. It is easy for both parties to reach an agreement. When parents and children communicate in this way, it will reduce a lot of unnecessary troubles. , and it is easy to achieve the purpose of communication. 3. When a child makes a mistake, the natural consequences method and the logical consequence method can be used. Jane Nelson proposed the natural consequences method and the logical consequence method in \”Positive Discipline\”. When a child makes a mistake These two methods can be used. Natural consequences method: If the child makes a mistake and causes adverse consequences, let him bear the corresponding responsibility. For example, if the child does not finish his homework, then let him be criticized by the teacher; If a child is playing outside and refuses to go home when meal time comes, tell him in advance that the family will eat first and let the child go home and eat by himself. At this time, parents should not reprimand, scold, or lose their temper with the child. When children After making a mistake and assuming the corresponding responsibility, he will not make the same mistake again in order to avoid taking responsibility again. Logical consequences method: For example, if a child does not want to brush his teeth and cannot see the natural consequences at the time, logical consequences must be used At this time, parents can tell him not to buy him those sweets that he particularly likes. With the temptation of sweets, he will definitely brush his teeth within a day or two. Eating sweets and not brushing are not good for dental health. There is a logical relationship. The child will feel: I want to eat sweets, so I have to brush my teeth. In this case, the child can easily get rid of bad habits. If the child does not want to brush his teeth and the parents make him stand, it will not be effective, because the penalty and standing Not brushing teeth has no logical relationship, and being punished by standing still will cause negative emotions in children. 03 is written in the last \”Positive Discipline\”: If you feel that educating your children is painful, you must be using the wrong method. If you use If the education method is scientific, rational and effective, you will feel the happiness of being a parent. In turn, only when parents feel happiness can they educate their children well.