What\’s so annoying about second-born kids fighting? It\’s your own wrong mentality

Fighting between the eldest child and the second child is an unavoidable problem in families with two children. Whether there are two sons, two daughters, or one son and one daughter, all kinds of fighting and fighting are inevitable. Some people say that if the age difference between the second child is large, there will be no fighting. In my opinion, unless the age gap is so big that the eldest child is already an adult when the second child is born, fighting will still occur. Our elder sister is more than 7 years older than my younger sister. We still argue and fight from morning to night on weekends, winter and summer vacations. The younger sister sang: \”Meow meow meow, the cat is coming…\” My sister happened to be passing by, and Xianji was bored and sang: \”Meow meow meow, the dog is coming…\” My sister retorted: \”You sang it wrong, dogs are barking. Cats are the ones who meow.\” My sister made a lot of excuses and said, \”You are wrong, dogs are the ones who meow!\” The younger sister understood that her sister was deliberately angry with her, so she would either rush over to fight her in anger, or continue to argue with her, and then When provoked, they rush to fight. Anyway, they end up fighting in the end. Two sons of relatives have the same zodiac sign, but are exactly 12 years apart, and they always fight. Last year, my elder brother graduated from high school and went to college. He is a tall young man over 1.8 meters tall, and my younger brother is still a little kid who has just entered elementary school. The two of them still fight occasionally. For example, if the younger brother is naughty and disobedient, the elder brother will reach out to control him. If the younger brother refuses to obey, the older brother will \”violate the law\” and force the younger brother away, or slap his hand as punishment. These behaviors are occasionally acceptable to the younger brother, but the older brother is so He obviously didn\’t accept it, so they started fighting. As for twins or two children who are close in age, they fight from morning till night. A ball had been lying in the corner gathering dust for several months. Whoever found it to play with, the other person immediately realized that it was a great thing and wanted to grab it. If he couldn\’t grab it, he asked for a turn to play. The party that found the ball most likely disagreed: I found it, it’s mine, why should we take turns to play… A piece of paper was on the table, and the younger brother picked up a paintbrush and drew an apple on it… There is a reason to fight here. There are too many: This piece of paper is my sister’s homework/my sister has drawn a line on it before, it is considered her work/the pen belongs to my sister/my sister criticized and laughed at the ugly apple that my brother drew… In short, the second child needs a reason to fight ? Answer: No need! There is no doubt that mothers of second children are very busy. Eating, drinking, and eating are double the workload. A mountain of housework and long-term lack of sleep are the most likely to make mothers grumpy. Working mothers work hard at the company for 8 hours during the day, and when they go home at night, they have to take care of the homework of the older children and play with the younger ones. Without the people who are involved in it, we can never imagine the hardships involved. On the other hand, stay-at-home mothers are struggling with housework every day and are very anxious because their value is not recognized. At this time, if the second child fights again, the older one cries and the younger one screams, all kinds of chickens and dogs jump around, and chicken feathers are everywhere, the mother will lose control of her emotions in a minute and start the roaring mode. One mother said: \”Sometimes they kept fighting, and I even regretted having a second child. I know it\’s wrong to think this way, and I love my second child very much, but I still can\’t help but miss the quiet time when I only had one child.\” Mozi\’s eldest child My daughter is 14 years old and young.Spring is rebellious and her youngest son is 7 years old. She told me: \”They would fight from time to time and throw things on the floor. The older one would glare at the younger one fiercely. Then he would turn around and go back to his room, slam the door loudly and lock it behind him. She was still crying loudly. Seeing such a scene, I wanted to escape several times, to a place without housework and children.\” Ling, who has two sons at home, said: \”I see the eldest son of other people\’s families. The second child and the second child are in love, and when they see my two sons, they always kill each other…\” In fact, every mother knows that it is inevitable for the eldest son and the second child to quarrel and fight. We also believe in the saying \”beating is healthier\” He can speak out to comfort others, but when he is in it, it is difficult to be calm. One morning last week, when I got up to make breakfast, my sister had already changed her clothes and was playing on the computer. While I was frying poached eggs in the kitchen, my sister also got up. Without changing into her pajamas, she rubbed her eyes and called me, then went to her sister\’s room. \”What a wonderful relationship the two sisters have!\” I was greatly comforted. But before the eggs were fried, my sister came crying and complained that her sister pinched her. I had to turn down the fire to a minimum and deal with their disputes first. \”I was in her room and she came over and pinched me when I didn\’t do anything,\” the sister cried. Sister: \”I just accidentally touched her arm when I was passing by her. Besides, she kicked me.\” \”I didn\’t kick her at all!\” My sister immediately defended. …Finally, I finally understood what happened: My sister went to her sister\’s room, and her sister was so bored that she deliberately passed by her, pretended to wave away and accidentally touched her arm. My sister immediately started the \”she bullied me\” mode. He raised his foot to fight back, but his sister deftly dodged it. After her sister failed to fight back, she started crying and complaining. I first explained to my sister that she didn’t pinch her on purpose, she just accidentally touched her; then I warned my sister to be careful when shaking her hands, not to touch others, and to apologize if she did; then I told my sister not to try to kick anyone under any circumstances; finally, Ask your sister which arm was touched by her sister and ask her to rub it. After the dispute was settled, the eggs in the pot almost burned. While I was frying the ham, my sister yelled and complained again, saying that her sister was staring at her, making faces at her, and mouthing words saying she was stupid. The elder sister explained that she just smiled at her in a friendly manner and moved her lips casually. It was not the \”idiot\” mouth shape, but the younger sister had misunderstood… When I served breakfast, the two children who were brushing their teeth were really surprised this time. The fight started. The cause was that the younger sister was playing with water and did not turn off the faucet. The younger sister turned it off and then opened it. The older sister tried to dissuade her sister in vain and hit her younger sister\’s hand. The younger sister refused to let it go and poured the water in the cup onto her older sister\’s hand. Then a scuffle started and the two of them started fighting. The skirt was wet and there was a puddle of water on the ground. At that moment, I was on the verge of collapse. I had been arguing constantly since I woke up early in the morning. I was sweating profusely while working in the kitchen, while the two sisters were having a heated fight outside. I told them: \”I\’m angry! I don\’t want to deal with your dispute anymore. You can handle it yourself. If anyone is unwilling, just continue to fight. Do whatever you want after the fight. I refused to follow you this morning.\”You guys talk. \”Seeing my dark face, the two sisters calmed down and went to change their clothes, and I started to eat breakfast by myself. My sister\’s skirt was zippered on the back, and she couldn\’t reach it, so she went to her sister for help with clean clothes. When When I was still so angry that I doubted my life, the two sisters were already mopping the water on the floor lovingly. I told myself for the hundredth time that it was meaningless to get angry because the two sisters were quarreling and fighting, because they turned around and I understand the truth, but how do mothers control their emotions when faced with all kinds of fights every day? I thought of a way: first count the number of fights they have every day, and calculate an average. Use this as a base to lower your own psychological requirements and expectations. After a few days of observation and statistics, I found that if the two children are at home from morning to night, they will fight about 5-6 times a day and have countless little quarrels. If one person goes out to attend an interest class that day, it can reduce about 1-2 fights. If the sister takes a nap in the afternoon, it can reduce one fight. If there are classmates and friends of the younger sister at home, the two sisters will almost If they don\’t fight, my sister will still take care of the children. After having this basic number, my mood has improved a lot. If they fight less than 5 times on a certain day, I feel that it is particularly profitable and worthy of celebration. Occasionally if it exceeds this number, I think : Wasn’t there one less fight yesterday? This was spending yesterday’s “savings” without overspending. Because of my poor memory, I often can’t remember how many fights they had in a day. At this time, I would assume a number to tell myself that there was no overspending. , no need to be angry. When I can face their disputes and conflicts calmly and without emotion, their conflicts are just conflicts between each other, and do not involve whether the mother is partial or whether the ruling is fair. In this way, the two sisters soon Just forgive each other and make peace. In my opinion, all adjectives are relative. When we say a person is good, it means that he is better than the average person. When we say beautiful, it means that he is better than most people. The same kind is more beautiful. If we always see \”the domineering president falls in love with me\”, we will inevitably regret that our man is not the CEO and does not love me enough. If we always see other people\’s children with excellent academic performance and well-behaved and obedient children, we will inevitably be disappointed and harsh with our own children. If we always see other children\’s children loving each other, we will inevitably get upset when our own children fight. In fact, what we see is just the side that others want us to see. In addition to being loving, the CEO is also very domineering. Nowadays, unless the galaxy was saved in the previous life, it is impossible for second-born children to love each other without killing each other. Since fighting between second-born children is inevitable, and fighting does not hurt the brotherhood, its biggest side effect is to make the mother crazy and collapse. Then what needs to be adjusted is the mother\’s own mentality. You are always angry and dissatisfied because the standard you use as a reference is too high. If you lower the standard, for example, use the second child to fight five times a day as the base, you will feel that you are making a lot of money every day. , life becomes beautiful instantly.