What\’s stopping you from keeping up with your child\’s growth?

I mentioned in the last issue that I don’t know when, we began to have more and more demands on our children, and we didn’t know it. When does it begin? I have no idea. Why are you proposing these tasks that you may not even be able to complete? On several sleepless nights, I thought of these: because we were really too anxious: He is my child, I \”should\” learn to get along well with my child, \”should \”adjust my emotions,\” and \”should\” take care of him I \”should\” have a good family and take care of my work; I \”should\” be a good mother… I \”should\” be like other mothers, calm and calm when facing the demands of my children; I \”should\” be like my own mother and take good care of my children. eat and drink. The sum of so many \”shoulds\” allows us to \”jump\” from a grown-up child who originally needed care from others to a good mother and father without any transition. This year, my child is in the 6th semester of kindergarten. I have received 5 comments like this: You are a cute baby, but the teacher has a little suggestion for you – can you be more brave in class, speak more, and express your opinions? I believe you can do it. The child\’s grandparents are typical perfectionists and never understand that the child dare not speak in class. They think this is a sign of timidity and always encourage their children in their own way: Be brave, baby, it\’s okay. What they don’t know is that I have always been such a timid existence during my elementary school days. I was so timid that I would not raise my hand even though I knew the answer. I know all too well the fear of saying something wrong, especially when I have seen the top students in the class answer so fluently, and I wonder, should I answer as fluently as him before I can speak? The performance of this top student gave me a burden – I \”should\” answer well so that I can raise my hand. Therefore, I have never dared to raise my hand. The encouragement from grandparents is completely ineffective for my daughter. Although a child Y, who goes to school with my daughter, was admitted to the direct-to-primary school (the admission rate is close to 1:10), through my communication with her mother, I also learned the fact that even such a child is Afraid of horizontal comparison. I asked: Did your daughter sign up for a hobby class this year? We can go together. Maybe the two children will be separated soon. Y’s mother said: We want to ask her one by one if she wants to participate in several interest classes this year. As a result, Y first asked, which interest classes are going to participate in the competition? I circled them one by one. As a result, said the child, eliminate all of that. In this kind of competition, the children are gearing up and showing off their special skills. During the competition, we can see that the outstanding children really performed very well, which is an invisible pressure on the children. In fact, children have different educations and different mental qualities, and the degree of expression will definitely be different. After the results of the competition come out, we always say, look, such-and-such child is so outstanding in speech, and you should be like her. For some kids, the subtext of this statement is that you \”should\” be like her. The current society\’s focus on education is far different from when we were young. If two children fight, they will always get thisSuch criticism: How do parents teach their children? Aren’t children taught to solve problems rationally? If a child from a single-parent family is introverted and withdrawn, he or she will always be criticized like: Why can\’t the couple get along well? The harm caused by the original family to the children lasts a lifetime… It is true that parents have unshirkable responsibility for children\’s problems. As a result, parents are constantly under pressure to be good parents. However, there are really too many standards for good parents, and there are too many \”shoulds\” that restrict us. But, in the final analysis, we are all first-time parents (even if we raise multiple children, each child is different and a new chapter for parents). So many \”shoulds\” will make I feel: There is a huge gap between this ordinary self and what I \”should\” be, and I really can\’t like and appreciate myself like this. It is inconsistent with what we \”should\” think in our hearts, causing us to deny ourselves, blindly listen to the voices around us, and easily follow the trend. For example, we may start to think, if other children learn violin, should I also let my children learn violin? When other people’s children go to private schools for interviews, should I also let them try? It’s not in line with what “should” be in our hearts, and it makes us worry about gains and losses. In other words, there is no way to truly understand the cause of the failure. I dare not go all out, I am afraid that I will try my best and still fail in the end. After the last failure again and again, I thought that I really couldn\’t deal with such problems. Gradually, the scope of the problems that I couldn\’t deal with became larger and larger. As a result, we who believe that we can handle fewer and fewer things feel increasingly helpless in the face of encouragements like \”You can do it\” and \”You should be braver\”, and our self-perception becomes: There may be something wrong with me.