When a child makes a mistake, most parents do it wrong

During lunch, my colleague Xiaomin complained to me, saying that children nowadays are too difficult to manage. She loses her temper at every turn, and can\’t explain when she makes a mistake. Before you become impatient, she becomes impatient and cries until she bursts into tears. It\’s very distressing. She meant to scold her, but in the end she just let it go. I know Xiaomin\’s child, who is in the upper class of kindergarten. He is very sensible and well-behaved, but sometimes he is a little willful and self-willed. I advised her not to be anxious and to take her time. Let alone children, even if we adults make mistakes, we don’t admit it so easily. I told her a scandal that I didn’t want to mention. When I was a child, my family was poor and there was nothing good to eat. I remember one time, behind my parents’ back, I secretly kept the candies that I planned to save for the Chinese New Year. I would take one or two of them every now and then. It\’s still the same big bag, and there aren\’t many obvious changes. I always thought I could escape Mother\’s eyes. I was also very clever at that time. After eating, I would clean up the scene to make sure there was no sign of movement, and throw the stripped icing into the fire to burn it. Just when I was lucky that I wasn\’t discovered, my mother suddenly asked me during dinner if I was eating candies again. I instinctively denied it and confidently said no, trying to get through it. My mother did not continue the interrogation. When I went to bed, my mother held me in her arms and told me the story of the boy who cried wolf. Under my mother\’s persuasion, I took the initiative to confess. My mother was not angry about me stealing candy, nor did she beat or scold me. She just told me very kindly that children should not lie, and it was wrong to lie. After I finished speaking, my mother took out two candies from her pocket as a reward for admitting my mistake. Since then, I have never lied again, I have the courage to admit when I have made a mistake, and I am not ashamed of my face. If it weren\’t for my mother\’s good temper, she didn\’t get angry or violent, but encouraged me to admit my mistakes bravely. Maybe I am a liar now, at least not as truthful as I am now. After listening to my story, Xiaomin felt that times have changed, and the things our parents used to do when we were young are not applicable to today’s children. Besides, when we were young, we had many brothers and sisters, and we were relatively sensible and would not make unreasonable troubles. Unlike today\’s children, most of them are only children. They are loved by thousands of people and would make trouble with you at every turn. It would really make you angry to death. . Although times are different, the way to deal with problems is the same. They all need to communicate with heart, not violence, let alone arrogance. Xiaomin said that her daughter, who she looks like, has a very bad temper. If you speak louder, she will be louder and try to overwhelm you. In front of her, it is almost impossible for you not to be angry. I recalled the scene of her educating her daughter, and it was really like this. I remember that time, I was visiting her house. After dinner, we were chatting in the living room while watching TV. Her child is a TV addict. Maybe our chatting volume was too loud, so she picked up the remote control and turned up the volume of the TV. Her mother motioned for her to turn down the volume, but she was so absorbed in watching TV that she didn\’t hear it. Xiaomin felt rude, so she grabbed the remote control and turned off the TV. The child immediately came over to snatch the remote control. Xiaomin took the opportunity to scold her, saying that a lot of adults were chatting, children should be polite, and the TV shouldn\’t be played so loudly. children onlyShe wanted to grab the remote control, but she still had the time to listen to what her mother was saying. After several failed attempts, tears immediately burst into her eyes, followed by the sound of crying that echoed through the living room. Sitting aside, I felt a little embarrassed facing this scene. I couldn\’t say it or leave it, so I could only stay there and watch what happened. Xiaomin seemed to feel our embarrassment, \”As long as you apologize, I will give you the remote control.\” \”I was wrong, I\’m sorry.\” The child said in embarrassment, and reluctantly, he also said the last three words. Very quietly. Despite this, Xiaomin achieved her goal and finally returned the remote control to her child. As a first-time mother, Xiaomin found it difficult to educate her children. Sometimes, she clearly wanted to speak well and teach her children to admit their mistakes, but no matter how hard she tried, the results she obtained were not what she wanted. The child admits his mistake, but does not realize where he went wrong? What should you pay attention to next time? Such an admission is meaningless and will only increase your child\’s dislike of you. Her child\’s catchphrase was \”I\’ve already admitted my fault and apologized, what else do you want from me?\” Xiaomin was really pissed off by her. Take a recent incident as an example. Xiaomin was busy in the kitchen. The child finished his homework hastily in order to watch TV without checking it again. He hurriedly turned on the TV and watched it with gusto. When Xiaomin was free, she checked her homework results and saw so many low-level mistakes, which were clearly caused by carelessness. So she loudly called her daughter over, scolded her for making so many mistakes, and asked her to do it again. Although the person was by her side, the child\’s mind was on the TV. Xiaomin stood up to turn off the TV, but her daughter ran over to stop her. This move angered Xiaomin, but she restrained herself and refrained from getting angry, and she still calmly talked to her child. He said, \”If you don\’t realize what you did wrong today, I won\’t let you go to bed.\” The TV was finally turned off. Xiaomin sat on the bedside reading a book, watching her daughter walking uneasily around the door of the room. Kind of funny. Later, when I was really sleepy, I took the initiative to admit my mistake to Xiaomin and apologized, promising not to do the same thing again. When Xiaomin asked her what her mistake was, she arrogantly chose not to answer. Asking again had the same result. Xiaomin became a little anxious and raised the decibel level to ask her one last time. She said impatiently: \”I have already admitted my mistake and apologized, what else do you want from me?\” Then she turned her head to one side and fell asleep. I think this is a problem that many parents face when educating their children. Children refuse to admit their mistakes, and parents are anxious to force their children to admit their mistakes. In the end, the child only acknowledged it verbally without going through the brain at all, let alone where he went wrong and what he should pay attention to and avoid next time. Of course, parents play a big role in this. Many times, they don\’t even ask what happened, and they eagerly ask their children to admit their mistakes first. One time, I was walking my children in the park, watching the children from a distance, letting them play freely, and chatting with the adults. Just when I was enjoying myself, I heard crying from the pile of children, and the mothers trotted over in a hurry. It turned out that a little girl and a boy had an argument over playing a seesaw. It turned out that the little boy was playing with another girl. But when the little girl arrived, she didn\’t understand the order of first come, first served. Without saying a word, she dragged her with her hands.They dragged the little boy, who fell to the ground and had some physical conflict with the little girl. In the end, the little girl actually started crying and ran to her parents to complain. The boy\’s mother did not see clearly what happened and felt that her child was not generous enough, so she asked him to apologize to the little girl. The little boy cried loudly and refused. His mother felt embarrassed and demanded that he admit his mistake immediately and apologize, otherwise he would not be allowed to enter the house tonight. I stood aside and listened to my daughter retelling what happened in a low voice. I wanted to protect the little boy. After all, it was not his fault, so I said to his mother: Children are playing around, don’t take it too seriously. I don’t think it is your child’s fault. First of all, it is wrong to force children to admit their mistakes. After hearing my words, the boy stopped crying, and his mother pulled him to me. Although my child is a little naughty, he is still polite and not so unreasonable. I don\’t know what happened recently. He always cries and fusses at every turn, which is not manly at all. We live in the same community, and we spend the same time walking around with our kids. We often meet and greet each other, and the kids also play together, so we are more familiar with each other than ordinary parents. After I relayed what the child saw, the boy\’s mother was glad that she had not made a mistake and forced the child to admit his mistake and apologize. Otherwise, it would increase the child\’s psychological burden. Now he has become a crybaby, which may be related to her distrust of him. Yes, many times, parents are anxious and eager to train their children, hoping that they will immediately grow up to be what they expect, sensible, polite, and gentle as jade, but they forget that what a child needs most is the listening of his parents. and trust. In fact, it is inevitable for children to make mistakes, and no one can make mistakes without being a sage. Today’s parents are too harsh on their children and hold them to the same standards as adults. Moreover, many times, it is difficult for adults to do it themselves, so why should they ask their children? This is not embarrassment for children. Some parents are also too sensitive. They have to magnify small mistakes and force their children to admit their mistakes and apologize. It seems that if they don\’t do this, they are not good children. In fact, there is a \”good boy\” living inside every child, who has his own pursuits, excuses, shirks, and refusals to admit. In a sense, it is also a good sign, because they know that what they do is not \”just and above board\” and will make people uncomfortable or even angry. It is just suffering from mental immaturity, or it is due to nature, and it cannot be corrected in a short period of time. Parents need to be patient and don\’t label their children as \”liars\” or \”dishonest\”. This will only make the children confused. What you expected is getting further and further away. Developmental psychologists suggest that when children make mistakes, parents should put away their temper, don\’t get angry, let alone express dissatisfaction. Compared with blame and punishment, children are less willing to see the frustration and even disappointment hidden in their parents’ anger. These emotions make children timid and lack the courage to admit mistakes. When children make mistakes and you are so angry that you want to use force to solve the problem, you might as well count to 10 silently in your heart, then calmly ask what happened, and sincerely give the children some time to think. At the same time, parents\’ trust will make children feel safe, relaxed, and more willing to open up to you, communicate with you, and tell you what happened just now. As for the endAs a result, whether to say sorry or apologize is not that important. The important thing is the process of understanding. Just like stubborn children often say, \”I have already admitted my mistakes and apologized, what else do you want from me?\” Although I admit my mistakes and apologize to you verbally, and say I am sorry, I still feel aggrieved in my heart. The purpose of education cannot be achieved by being aggrieved and aggrieved. They don\’t know that if they do something that makes others disappointed or uncomfortable, only an apology can make the other person feel comfortable and respected, and help solve the problem. You might as well try to guide your children with empathy. Reverse roles and let the children feel whether their behavior is inappropriate and whether it causes trouble to others. Only when children truly realize their mistakes, sincerely apologize, and bear the corresponding consequences, can they grow from it, gain more friendship, and make themselves happy physically and mentally.