When a child makes a mistake, the more he yells, the worse he gets. This is the simplest and most effective way.

A few days ago, I was planning to have an \”art creation (hua)\” with my son at home. I usually pour the paint into the palette and then he paints. Then I received an emergency call due to an unexpected situation. After hanging up the phone, I saw Ding Dong boy imitating me and pouring out paint. Then my face was covered with colorful paint from the sofa to the floor to the crawling mat… …I was completely confused at the time. My first reaction was, how long will it take for me to deal with this! I felt so desperate and crazy that I really wanted to shout. But just before I wanted to get angry, Dingdang suddenly raised his head and grinned at me without knowing it. At that moment I seemed to see my childhood self. When I was a child, I sewed quilts with my mother. When my mother went out to use the bathroom, I suddenly wanted to know what it felt like to stick a needle into the quilt, so I followed my mother\’s example and sewed the quilt. I sewed the quilt with one stitch on the left and one on the right. It became a map. When my mother came back and saw it, she was shocked at first, and then she laughed without any anger at all. She even told this matter to her family as an interesting thing about raising children. When I grew up, I thought that if my mother had scolded me regardless of the situation, I would not only no longer dare to use an embroidery needle, but I would also dare not try anything else easily. Therefore, I am very grateful to my mother, who had little knowledge about parenting at that time, for protecting my curiosity very well. So when I saw my child today repeating my \”mistake\” back then, I also understood him. He just regarded pouring paint as part of the painting game. In the past, his mother always poured paint, but today he finally did it. If you have the chance, try pouring paint yourself. His eager curiosity and the rules of my adult world collided at this moment, and the former won completely. But curiosity is curiosity. For his \”mistake\” of turning the house into a big dyeing vat, I don\’t have to beat him or scold him, but I will let him bear the natural consequences of his mistake. So when I clean the paint field with Dingdang, each person has a towel, and when I scrub the sofa together, I also tell him that these places are not places for painting. If the painting is dirty, it will be very laborious to clean. The little guy worked hard to scrub with his mother. When his father came back, he patted the sofa very proudly and shook his head and waved his hands, meaning that painting was not allowed here, which made people laugh. In daily life, there are many examples where I let Dingdang bear the natural consequences. For example, if he throws his chopsticks and throws the bowl while eating, then he should pick up the chopsticks and clean the floor by himself; if he comes home covered in mud from playing, he should wash his hands and feet himself. …I think that after a child makes a mistake, for example, beating and scolding the child will lead to avoiding the wrong behavior, and letting the child bear the natural consequences of doing the wrong thing will not only help the child understand what his behavior is wrong and what responsibility he has to bear, but also A good opportunity to guide children to think and do things. For example, if the wall painting is dirty, can we seriously and seriously talk to our children about how to remedy it? Wipe it clean with water? Or buy paint and repaint the walls? Or maybe we draw a picture based on this? Is there a better way? How do you plan to implement your approach? I believe that taking the natural consequences of mistakes with a problem-solving approach can better inspire children to think of ways to solve problems.In this way, every \”mistake\” becomes the starting point of \”creativity\”. Of course, when you see this, you may say that just letting the children bear the natural consequences will not work, just like the children are not polite, speak rudely to their family members, have a bad temper and hit others when they disagree, or do not complete their homework well… .How can children bear the natural consequences of this situation? I think the problem is that we need to recognize which behaviors are mistakes that need to be corrected on the spot, and which behaviors are problems that need to be solved slowly. There is one type of behavior that has no natural consequences, so just go straight to the point and regulate his behavior directly. For example, Dingdang is sometimes addicted to animation, and when the specified time comes, I will turn off the animation to divert his attention. There are also things like being disrespectful. The natural consequences themselves are invisible. If the natural consequences are not shown, the children will not be able to understand the responsibility. At this time, we can use some small methods to make the invisible natural consequences visible. A few years ago, I read \”Things a Five-Year-Old Naughty Kid Taught Me\” on Mi Meng\’s blog, and I wrote about a scene where her son Wei Tang wanted to eat King Yonghe\’s Braised Pork Rice, and Mi Meng, who was not good at cooking, finally made it after a long time. The braised pork rice was unsatisfactory, but my son vomited it after one bite, saying it was not delicious. Mi Meng was very angry at the time. It didn’t matter if it didn’t taste good, but spitting it out would be rude. After she calmed down, she thought of a way to punish Wei Tang that would make him understand – playing with colored clay together. Wei Tang likes to make pizza with colored clay. In the past, every time they played with colored clay pizza, Mi Meng pretended that it tasted delicious. But this time, Mi Meng picked up the pizza made by Wei Tang, pretended to take a bite and then spit it out without any hesitation. To put it mildly, it tastes terrible! Wei Tang was immediately hurt, so Mi Meng began the real purpose of the game. She asked Wei Tang: \”Are you sad that your mother did this?\” Wei Tang nodded, so Mi Meng continued, \”Because you love me and make pizza specifically for me, but I refuse directly like this, which makes you sad. , so, can you understand how you feel when your mother makes braised pork rice for you and you spit it out after one bite? Whether it is family or food, we must learn to respect and be polite, right?\” To be honest, I still liked it very much in the early years. Reading the article on Mi Meng’s blog, it doesn’t matter whether she drinks chicken soup or not, but I think her parenting thinking is still worth learning from. Reacting natural consequences is the secret recipe for letting children see invisible natural consequences. The way to make children empathize is not to teach them through words and deeds, but to use small punishments of empathy to teach them to experience the right and wrong concepts of \”don\’t do to others what you don\’t want others to do to you.\” For example, for a while, when the family called Ding Ding Ding Dang, the little guy deliberately pretended not to hear. So I mobilized my family to put on a silent drama. When Dingdang called her father, her father didn’t agree. When she called her mother, she didn’t agree. She also didn’t agree when she called her aunt. After ten minutes of persistence, the little guy almost cried in grievance. At this time, I held him in my arms. Said: \”Dingdang calls everyone, but no one agrees. Isn\’t Dingdang sad?\” He nodded, so I said: \”So when parents call Dingdang, and Dingdang doesn\’t agree, parents are also very anxious and sad. Yes, because we were afraid that we wouldn\’t be able to find you.\” Since then, Dingdang has never appeared like this again.situation. I wrote this article because yesterday a reader confided her confusion. Her child was obsessed with Peppa Pig. As soon as he turned on the cartoon, he really entered a state of being deaf to the outside world and only watched the four pigs. Every time Every time she was forced to pull away, she would make a big fuss. In order to correct the child\’s obsession, she once locked the child and Peppa Pig into the \”little dark room\” in the study, hoping to punish the child through isolation. Of course it worked. The good thing is that after hearing that he and Peppa Pig are going to the dark room, he will immediately put down the iPad; but the bad thing is that the child never dares to go to the study room at home again. . This mother regretted using inappropriate punishments on her child, but she was also confused, what should she do if her child made a mistake? To be honest, I am personally opposed to beating and scolding education. Even the more popular mild black room-time out is not the best way to educate children. These methods can indeed quickly and effectively make children obedient instantly, but It may also have a very negative psychological impact on the child. Every child is born from a state of ignorance and then adapts to the rules and boundaries of this established world. In this process, every trial and error is an opportunity to correct himself. There are no children who grow up without making mistakes, but there are still many adults who make mistakes themselves but cannot tolerate their children\’s mistakes. A tiger mother or a cat father, a filial son emerges from the stick, or gentle and firm love and freedom. No educational philosophy is universally applicable. Every family has a baby that is difficult to raise, but every family also has a parenting method that is more suitable for you. Dan’s mother just suggested from a personal perspective that we should be more patient and loving, less majestic and punishing, be gentle and firm within the controllable range, let him bear the natural consequences of his mistakes, and let the child learn from his own experience in life. To understand the rules of how the world works, it is better to cultivate children\’s sense of right and wrong than to simply give them a rough beating or say \”no\” or \”no\” sincerely.