When a child threatens you with crying, your actions will affect the child\’s life

After dinner, I took my son for a walk in the community. Passing by the entrance of a convenience store, I saw a little girl holding on to the corner of her mother\’s clothes. She was crying and trying to drag her mother to the candy section of the store. The mother stood still at first, but after several attempts to persuade her to no avail, she suddenly broke away from her daughter\’s hand, turned around and left quickly without saying a word, and soon disappeared around the corner. When she discovered that her mother had really \”disappeared\”, the little girl was stunned for a moment, and immediately rushed out, shouting \”Mom, mom…\” heartbreakingly, while frantically chasing her in the direction where her mother left, with a crying face. Above, the fear is clearly visible. Looking at the staggering figure of the little girl, the son said: \”Her mother doesn\’t want her anymore.\” Like the little girl, the son couldn\’t understand that this was just a \”tactic\” used by the mother to establish rules. All they felt was abandonment. of deep fear. In this battle for control, my mother easily won with just one decisive turn. Every parent has been \”threatened\” by a child\’s crying. In \”Mom is Superman\”, Ma Yashu\’s parenting style was questioned by netizens, saying that she \”doesn\’t understand education and dotes on her children.\” My daughter doesn\’t want to eat and wants ice cream, but she gives it to her whenever she cries. She refuses to sleep, kicks and beats her mother, and hugs her whenever she cries. She doesn\’t want to go to kindergarten, and almost hugs her back when she cries. Smart children know from now on that they have the \”magic weapon\” to win in one move. As long as they keep crying, they can always get what they want. Ma Yashu\’s repeated compromises have caused her daughter Mia to lack the ability to be independent, exhibit various willful behaviors, and even face the risk of being expelled from kindergarten. Compromise and doting may result in willful \”naughty children\” or even \”giant babies\”. Not wanting to be intimidated by their children\’s crying, but unable to compromise or beat or scold them, many mothers adopted a seemingly effective method: ignore them and walk away. If a child is crying at home, walk away and ignore him. He will stop crying when he is tired. If a child is crying outside, walk away and ignore him. When he finds that the adult is gone, he will naturally follow him. Just like the little girl asking for candy, her mother\’s disappearance left her no longer able to grab the candy she longed for. This cold violence treatment method is the same as the \”cry immunity method\” that was very popular in previous years. It is simple and direct. However, in recent years, the psychological damage caused by the \”cry immunity method\” to children has been verified by more and more psychologists. The most direct and powerful evidence is Watson, the behaviorist expert who proposed the educational theoretical basis of the \”Cry Immunity Method\”. His children were raised in this indifferent way. The eldest son committed suicide and the second daughter committed suicide many times. He committed suicide, and the younger son has been wandering, relying on his charity to survive… The child threatens his mother with crying, but the sudden disappearance of his mother is not a threat to the child? The fear of losing a mother is more lethal than the crying of a child. Maybe the child will stop crying soon and become \”very good\”, but it is not because he has learned the rules, but because \”Mom doesn\’t want me anymore.\” Children who often fall into such uneasiness and fear always lack inner sense of security. I used the same method with my daughter once. From about the age of three or four, my daughter started to cry a lot and would have to buy all kinds of things when she went to the supermarket.Even if there are a lot of similar toys at home, I will turn around and leave after being rejected and crying. I will not sleep at night and put her outside the bedroom. I will close the door and go to bed by myself. Every time I use this toy, I will turn around and leave. Yes, my daughter will soon stop crying, and even if she is holding back the sobs, she will cooperate obediently. My daughter is becoming more and more sensible, and I am secretly happy. It wasn\’t until I went on a trip with my aunt alone. When I came back, my aunt said to me: \”This child is so heartbreaking. At such a young age, he is always cautious for fear of not being able to please everyone.\” I suddenly realized that I was so rude. The indifferent education method has been hurting my daughter\’s little heart that longs for love, making her so sensitive and fragile, cautious, and lacking a sense of security and belonging. Maybe after I left again and again, my daughter has already understood that I was just \”scare\” her, but she is still afraid, what if it becomes true, what if I really abandon her, because she is afraid of this one-in-a-million chance , she would rather compromise ten thousand times and always be a sensible and good child. In this battle between control and counter-control, parents use love as a weapon to make their children give up resistance. However, this is a conditional love. The famous educator Yin Jianli said in \”Free Children are the Most Conscious\”: The essence of conditional love is selfishness – then what adults teach children is selfishness. Perhaps, after several times of scaring, some children understand that their mother is just pretending to disappear and are no longer afraid, but the close trust between the child and their parents has been destroyed, and all your subsequent education methods will be greatly compromised. The connection with parents is an important way for children to feel love. When children cry, parents leave and are indifferent and indifferent to their children\’s emotions and needs, which directly cuts off the love connection between parents and children. For children, no response is a desperate situation. We all know that when a child cries for some unreasonable demands, it is the best time for us to establish a sense of rules for the child. However, for parents, the difficult thing is not to teach their children rules, but to give them love and rules at the same time. Professor Li Meijin said that when dealing with crying children, \”do not do four things but one thing\”: do not hit, because it is unfair to bully the small; do not scold, it will set a bad example for the child; do not say, the child is making trouble. Don\’t listen to your emotions, and talking too much will make the child think that you are begging or coaxing him; don\’t walk away, because walking away will become solitary confinement, which is called punishment and has no educational significance; only do one thing, that is, you must Accompany him and tell him: This is not right. If you want to make trouble, just make trouble. Wait until the child\’s emotions have completely calmed down before communicating. Accompany but do not compromise, let your child know that you love him, but the answer to his request is \”no\”. Alyssa Chia adopts this kind of education method for her daughter. One time before going to bed, Bibi refused to sleep and clamored to go out to eat apples. Alyssa Chia calmly said \”No\”, closed the door before Bubba went out, and cried in grievance. Alyssa Chia said to Bubba: \”No, it\’s useless for you to cry.\” She still insisted not to open the door, and then stood quietly next to Bubba. Bubba cried for a while and gradually calmed down. Alyssa Chia picked up Bubba and comforted her gently. Bubba quickly lay down on the bed.Sleep peacefully. Gentle yet firm positive discipline allows children to feel connected and loved even though they are rejected. Only unconditional and principled love is the psychological nutrition that children need most for their growth. Sometimes, a child\’s persistence in something is not just because he wants it, but to prove his parents\’ love for him. Like a balloon that has lost its string and is floating around, it needs to find a place to land. So he tried to test and prove that he was loved through willful cheating again and again. At this time, a formula is automatically generated in the child\’s mind: What do I want, what do you give me = you love me. Therefore, it becomes crucial for parents to accompany them every time they cry. The more the child cries, the harder it is to turn a blind eye. Because behind every cry they are saying: Mom, I need you. I want what I want, when I want it; nothing seems wrong with me; I need you to tell me how to share my struggles with others; I always think about myself before others…happy, confused, Sadness, resentment, all of these times, I need you. When your child cries and tries to control you, it is when he needs you the most. Please tell him in a loving way: rules are also part of love. Please give him love and rules together and don\’t leave him.