When adults have conflicts, children should not become victims

In mid-December, three children were abandoned on the roadside in a community in Lu\’an, Anhui. Their oldest is 9 years old, and the twins are only 2 years old. The police learned that their mother abandoned them because of family conflicts, and no relatives were willing to come forward. The three children were scared and sleepy, so they slept in the police station early in the morning… You are also one of the \”unscrupulous parents\”. When they saw this news, everyone was very shocked: \”Oh my god, how can there be such cruel parents? Children But they are innocent.\” \”What a psychological shadow this will cause on the child. Normal parents cannot do such a thing.\” Netizens have denounced \”unscrupulous parents\” who harm their children because of their own conflicts. However, there is a good chance that you yourself are one of these “unscrupulous parents.” Why do you say that? Let me first give you an example that happened to me. One morning in the winter when I was 5 years old, I was sleeping soundly when my dad pulled me out of bed. I was still in a state of confusion, so my dad started to put on my clothes. As he put them on, he said, \”Let\’s go, dad will take you back to grandma\’s house.\” At this time, my mother rushed in, with tears on her face, and kept saying, \”No, my daughter can\’t leave,\” and then grabbed my arm. I was completely stunned and burst into tears. My parents were making a huge noise in my room, and I didn’t know what they were talking about. Until two uncles arrived, put me in another room, let me watch TV, and gave me a small yellow towel to wipe my tears. The sound of the TV was accompanied by the quarreling of my parents. The little yellow towel and I spent a long morning. I still remember the feeling very clearly now. I was lonely, scared, sad, anxious, and at a loss… Even now, whenever I hear the sound of someone arguing, I still feel inexplicably irritable and even have a headache. Psychological research: Adults quarreling hurts children. Nowadays, many parents, like my parents, don’t pay attention to this at all. They think that their children are still young and they don’t understand if they quarrel in front of them. Some even use children as bargaining chips in quarrels. In fact, quarrels between adults have a great impact on children\’s growth. Many psychological studies have also proven this: In 2014, American psychologist Melissa W. George and others tracked 235 6-year-old children for many years and found that if parents often quarrel, it will bring insecurity to the children, and they will become more insecure when they are 12 years old. Emotional eating problems are prone to occur, such as anorexia and vomiting after overeating. In 2015, psychologist Leslie Frankela and others tracked 96 8-month-old children and found that if couples quarrel a lot, even when the child is asleep, it will lead to emotional deprivation or withdrawal (response is dull, the child is 2 years old). unhappy when happy). How to avoid harm to children? Children should not be the victims when adults have conflicts. But how can couples not quarrel? What should they do to prevent their children from getting hurt? First of all, improve your anger management ability and hold your emotions at critical moments. Take a few deep breaths: \”We will discuss this issue another time.\” Change the time to \”quarrel\” with your significant other, not in front of your children. Secondly, avoid criticizing your significant other in front of your children. Many people have this problem, trying to gain approval from the children when quarreling, which will affect the children\’s trust and respect for their parents, and will also affect the entire family atmosphere. Therefore, praise your significant other in front of your children instead of wasting your time. Finally, explanation after the fact is important. Many times we can\’t help but quarrel in front of our children, so there\’s no need to worry. Be sure to remember to explain to your children: \”Mom and dad were a little angry because of their differences of opinion. They have been resolved now. This will not affect our feelings or our love for you…\”. Don’t quarrel in front of your children, create a loving family atmosphere, and let your children grow up healthily in love!